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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23678974">crescendo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuutrash/pseuds/haikyuutrash'>haikyuutrash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>kuroken week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, but it revolves around music a lot, kenma sings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:54:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>44,559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23678974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuutrash/pseuds/haikyuutrash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo is locked out of his dormitory room for a night and ends up at a nearby bar, where he witnesses the performance of a singer he's never seen before. He finds that they may be more connected than they realise, and maybe they don't have to stop at being acquaintances.</p><p>or</p><p>A college AU with a plot revolving around music.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bokuto Koutarou &amp; Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma &amp; Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>kuroken week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705030</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. stop and stare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic LMAO i hope i have enough motivation to drive me through this</p><p>// also in time for kuroken week 2020 day 4 hehe it's a complete coincidence because i planned this a while ago but i guess that's a good thing :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <i>“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which is impossible to be silent.”<br/>
~ Victor Hugo</i>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first time Kuroo heard his voice was in the bar.</p><p>It was a melodious sound, one that attracted Kuroo and made him turn his head in its direction, finding himself slowly drifting closer as if he were floating. He didn’t know that he’d end up talking to the singer, nor that his life would change all because of one night, but somehow, he knew that that voice was something he’d never forget for the rest of his life.</p><p>And he was right.</p><p> </p><p>###</p><p> </p><p>A small figure emerged through the doors, brushing past the crowds and heading towards a corner near the stage. Some people threw a curious glance at him, but the regulars didn’t need a second look to know who had entered. Every night at nine sharp, the singer would walk in and begin setting up his guitar at his usual corner. None of the patrons knew his name, but Kozume Kenma wasn’t there to gain popularity, rather to earn money to pay for his college fees.</p><p>It was a few months into his first year that he’d realised he would need to get a part-time job. He’d tried a few of his options, namely a dog walker, a waiter at a restaurant, and a high school tutor. But he hadn’t enjoyed them much, especially when they involved living up to people’s expectations. After lots of deliberation, he’d come to a conclusion that he would be better off doing something he would enjoy --- music. He wasn’t taking a degree in music, but it had always been one of his hobbies outside of gaming. Of course, he’d taken the business course as per his father’s request. But even so, he often sat on his bed, composing his own music that the world would never hear.</p><p>And they didn’t hear it until he started working at the bar. It wasn’t an official job and he didn’t actually have an employer, but the staff there had been kind enough to let him perform. Many of the patrons would give him some of their loose change, and once in a while there would be someone generous who would leave quite a huge sum of money. That was how Kenma got through the past few months --- by performing some of his songs, or even just whatever was popular, and hoping that people would support him.</p><p>Just like every other weekday, Kenma carefully took his guitar out of its case and walked onto the stage, sitting down on a tall stool with his legs dangling off it. The thought of performing in front of strangers, and nearly a hundred of them, had initially daunted Kenma. But after much persuasion and encouragement from his friends, he’d finally decided that it couldn’t be too bad. Never once had he revealed his identity and he didn’t plan to do so anytime soon. He did have a minor case of stage fright and it was already a huge step for him to be singing in public. He took in a sharp inhale, clearing his throat lightly and making a quick run-through of the lyrics in his head as he strummed a quiet chord.</p><p>And then he sang.</p><p>###</p><p>Somewhere in the middle of the second song, a college student with messy black hair trudged into the bar, sending a curious glance in the direction of the crowd. It seemed like there was some sort of performance going on, something that the student didn’t know they had at bars. Well, he wasn’t a regular patron and the only reason he’d come was because he didn’t have anywhere else to go.</p><p>His roommate had gone to stay overnight at another dorm and left the door locked. Which of course, wasn’t a problem, except that the forgetful Kuroo Tetsurou had left his room key <i>inside</i> of the room and there was no way he’d be able to get in without breaking a window. His next option had been to visit the bar close to the college, just because he guessed he might be able to keep himself awake all night.</p><p>He hadn’t been here since a few months ago and he certainly did not remember there being performances of any sort. Moreover, he did not remember there being a singer whose voice was this good to listen to. Kuroo found himself walking towards the music, taking a seat at the bar behind the crowd and turning his body to face the performance.</p><p>The singer looked around his age, maybe just a year or two younger. Kuroo found his appearance rather interesting, especially how his hair seemed to fade from black to a blonde like a failed hair job and his legs were hanging off the stool like a child sitting on a tall stool. But what interested him the most was how the singer looked like he was enjoying himself, as if this wasn’t just a job but something that meant more than that.</p><p><i>Why here?</i> Kuroo wondered. His voice was great and if this song was something he’d composed by himself, which Kuroo was pretty sure it was, then this singer could be on a bigger stage, maybe even singing for the world to hear. He rested his elbow on the table and his chin on the palm of his hand, letting the music flow by him. It was one of the best voices he’d heard, that he had to admit. There was a high chance that it could even be the <i>best</i>, surpassing those songs he listened to on repeat.</p><p>“Would you like a drink, sir?” the bartender asked, causing Kuroo to look over. Kuroo nodded, passing some money and showing the bartender his identity card upon request. It was a few minutes later that he returned to Kuroo with a martini and the student thanked him, returning his attention to the singer.</p><p>The singer only stopped after another half an hour. The whole time, Kuroo had been taking drink after drink, hardly taking note of what he was doing since a great deal of his attention had been on the performance. His head spun slightly and his body felt light, but Kuroo told himself that he was fine and he would be able to get back to the dormitory without going unconscious. He heard the sounds of the patrons clapping as the singer made a quick bow and scurried off the stage to keep his guitar at the side.</p><p><i>Cute,</i> Kuroo thought, <i>how he’s shy about all of this.</i> He immediately shoved the thought back into his head. He was almost completely sure he’d drunk too much. Sighing quietly, he stood up to go to the bathroom and wash his face, possibly waking himself up a little. He needed to stay awake and sober for the rest of the night. But Kuroo didn’t know how possible that was.</p><p>He pushed the door to the bathroom open and walked in, pleasantly surprised that it was empty. <i>Wake up,</i> he told himself as he stared into the mirror, slapping the side of his face gently. The cold water hit the surface of his skin and he shivered, wiping it off with a paper towel quickly. His head began to sting just split seconds later and he groaned loudly, pressing the palm of his hand to his temple and rubbing it as though it would get the headache away. Maybe he shouldn’t have drunk so much at a go.</p><p>On the bright side, he was still sober enough to walk around and not do anything that he’d end up regretting. Shaking his head slowly, he turned and walked out of the bathroom. It was going to be a long night and he knew that very well. He stumbled a little on his feet, though that wasn’t much of a surprise. He dragged himself over to a wall along the corridor and leaned against it, tilting his head back slightly to stare at the ceiling. It was a few kilometres back to campus and to be honest, Kuroo wasn't very sure he’d be able to make it anymore. His whole head was throbbing wildly and the whole sensation felt like a nightmare.</p><p>“Umm...are you okay?” he heard a voice and lowered his gaze to in front of him, where there stood another person. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of the singer from earlier looking at him with a concerned look on his face. He could see the singer’s facial features closely and his eyes were locked onto the singer’s, refusing to move away even as Kuroo was screaming in his head.</p><p>“Yeah,” he finally managed after a few more silent seconds. “I need to get back to my college dorm.”</p><p>The singer stared at him for a while more before averting his eyes. “College? It’s nearby, I suppose.”</p><p>Kuroo nodded. “T College,” he said, slumping his back against the wall as another wave of headaches passed over him.</p><p>“What a coincidence,” the singer said in an unusually emotionless voice, “I go there too.”</p><p>Kuroo was surprised that he hadn’t seen the singer around. Someone who’d sing at a bar would probably be a popular face on campus, but he most certainly had never met this singer before today. “Cool,” he said with a small smile. Maybe he’d see the singer around and Kuroo did want that to happen, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Then right at that moment, the worst possible time, his head began to hurt again. He cursed out loud, tilting his head up and massaging his temples with his thumb.</p><p>“Are you...okay?” Kuroo heard the singer asked hesitantly.</p><p>When the pain went away after about half a minute, he sighed. “Yeah, just had a bit too much to drink.” He smiled reassuringly and tried to lift himself off the wall, only to feel his legs give way and quickly return his back to the wall for support. Maybe ‘a bit’ was an understatement. “I got a little distracted by your performance,” he mumbled.</p><p>The singer looked as though he was trying not to smile. “Thanks, but it isn’t <i>that</i> good.”</p><p>“You’re really humble,” Kuroo said with a small laugh. There was so much he could tell this singer about how amazing the performance had been, about how breathtaking his voice was, about how much Kuroo wished to hear him sing again...there was so much Kuroo wanted to tell him. Part of him worried that he would stumble on his words so he repeated them over and over in his head before he said them out loud.</p><p><i>You’re an amazing singer. You’re an amazing singer. You’re an amazing singer. You’re an amazing singer. You’re an amazing singer. You’re an amazing singer.</i> But in the end, when he finally spoke out loud, he tripped over his words anyway and something completely different came out.</p><p>“You’re really cute.”</p><p>Immediately after he’d spoken, Kuroo realised what he’d said. He opened his mouth to defend himself, to come up with any kind of excuse that he could think of. Nothing came to mind and he ended up staring at the singer with his face completely red, whether it was from the alcohol or something else.</p><p>“Uh...thanks?” the singer said, looking surprised by the comment. Of course he was surprised --- nobody would go around and say things like that. Nobody but Kuroo. “I’m glad you liked the performance.”</p><p>Kuroo laughed nervously, hoping that if they kept talking, the singer would forget what had just happened. “Yeah, it was great.” It was more than great, it was whatever word meant ‘great’ but a hundred times stronger. But there was no way Kuroo would say that out loud.</p><p>What made things worse, even just standing like this and having a somewhat normal conversation, Kuroo could feel that haunting headache returning to him. A dark shade began to eat into his vision and he had no idea if it was his exhaustion kicking in or his body responding negatively to the drinks. The world began to spin around him slowly and he heard muffled voices coming from the singer. He could hardly make out the words, but he raised a hand to his head and tried his best to respond. “I’m fine---”</p><p>He wasn’t.</p><p>His vision blacked out completely and he felt his body surge forward. He didn’t know what happened after that, only that he’d have a lot of apologising to do when he woke up.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma was in no way prepared to handle someone collapsing onto him.</p><p>He barely had time to react as the body fell towards him and he narrowly grabbed onto the person’s arms, holding him upright with as much strength as he had. “Hello? You okay?” he said, gently tapping the person’s cheek. “Hey. Wake up.” There was no response.</p><p>Kenma sighed in exasperation, wondering why he just <i>had</i> to get himself into this situation. He had a few options, the most practical being leaving this person on the ground and pretending none of this ever happened. Yes, Kenma was a cold person, but he was in no way heartless enough to do that. He did feel a bit bad as well, for he’d deduced from the person’s words that he was partly, if not fully, responsible for this situation in the first place.</p><p><i>Just my luck,</i> he thought with a quiet sigh as he hooked the person’s arms around his shoulder and began taking unsteady steps to the where he’d left his instrument with the bartender. He’d figure out where to go from there, though he did have a bad feeling about how things were going to turn out.</p><p>“Passed out?” the bartender asked curiously, tilting his head towards the unconscious body. Kenma sighed and nodded. He took his guitar case and sat down on one of the stools, placing the stranger on another stool and letting him lean against his side. “What do you plan to do?”</p><p>Kenma shrugged. “I’m not really sure there’s much I can do.” He wasn’t trained for this at all and really, it would be a lot easier to beg the staff at the bar to let the person stay here overnight while Kenma could leave.</p><p>“He can’t stay overnight,” the bartender said with an apologetic look, as if he’d read Kenma’s thoughts. “There won’t be anyone who has the time to look after him.”</p><p>“I figured so,” Kenma said, exhaling quietly as he tried to come up with other possible ideas. He hardly knew anything about this stranger --- he didn’t even know his name. Their conversation had gone as far as them being in the same college and the person liking his performance.</p><p><i>Wait, we’re in the same college?</i> he suddenly realised, looking at the person. An idea began to form in his head. It was a terrible idea. It was an idea that he would regret once he woke up in the morning. But it was an idea he would probably follow through with anyway. It wasn’t as if he had anything better.</p><p>“I’m gonna go now,” he said as he stood up, putting the stranger’s arm around his neck and started hobbling towards the door. Hopefully he’d have enough strength to make it back to the college dormitory. And hopefully his roommate wouldn’t mind.</p><p>The walk back took around twenty minutes and Kenma was completely exhausted by the time he’d made it back to his dorm. A twenty minute was nothing, especially when he had to walk to the bar and back five times a week. But with his guitar and an unconscious person, it required a lot more effort than he would have liked. The room door clicked open promptly after Kenma tapped his key card and when he walked in, he was surprised to find that his roommate was not around. A small handwritten note on his bed told him that his roommate had gone to stay over at a friend’s and wouldn’t be back until morning. That did make things a lot easier and Kenma was quite relieved to find that he might not have any explaining to do after all.</p><p>He glanced at his handphone, noting the date to be a Thursday. That meant that he’d still have to wake up early in the morning for school, though a part of him worried that the person would still be unconscious when he woke up. Kenma had no idea how much he’d drunk and it did seem like a lot to be enough for him to end up like this. He glanced between the two beds, deciding it would be a little weird to let a random stranger take his roommate’s bed. Eventually, he decided that he’d settled with taking the small cushioned chair at the corner of the room and giving up his bed to the person.</p><p>He quickly changed his clothes and walked out of the bathroom to see the person still unconscious. It wasn’t as if he’d expected him to wake up in such a short span of time, but there was no harm in hoping that he wouldn’t end up with an unconscious person in his room in the morning. He shook his head slowly. He could never understand why someone would drink so much but he wasn’t going to bother finding out the answer to that. He walked over to the chair and curled himself up on it, pulling his knees to his chest while sitting sideways. He let his eyes fall shut and his mind slowly empty his thoughts as he drifted asleep.</p><p>###</p><p>He had no idea where he was when he woke up. The bedsheets smelled foreign and the pillows were a lot harder than he remembered them to be. All he could figure was that he was on a bed in a dormitory room, one that looked uncannily similar to his but different at the same time. Maybe that was because it <i>was</i> indeed one of T College’s dormitory rooms, just that it wasn’t <i>his</i>. He rubbed his eyes gently as he got off the bed, his eyes immediately landing on someone curled up on a chair in the corner of the room.</p><p>His heart skipped a beat. It was the cute singer, the one whose name he still did not know. But why was he here? Kuroo rubbed his temples gently, trying to jog his memory and fit the pieces of the puzzle together. He was missing a few key pieces, however, for his memory seemed to stop at him having a conversation with the singer. How could that have possibly led up to him being in a stranger's bed?</p><p>He stared at the clock. It was still early in the morning, just three and a half hours past midnight. He didn’t feel tired at all, though. He guessed that he’d probably slept for quite a while already. Kuroo walked over to the window and gently pulled the curtains away, enough to see the moon still shining brightly over the city. The sky was dark and he could see a few flickering stars that would sometimes hide behind a passing cloud. He took a tentative step towards the chair, reaching out to tap the singer’s shoulder before pulling back. It was still early and Kuroo didn’t really want to wake the sleeping student up.</p><p>He sighed quietly, making his way back to the bed where he stared up at the ceiling, trying to recall whatever the blank in his memory was. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to get even the quickest flash of a scene. It was as if he’d skipped through that time, or maybe he hadn’t been conscious at all. He blinked, a new clue coming into the picture. Maybe he <i>hadn’t/<i> been conscious. That would explain everything. He forced his eyes shut, convincing himself that he should sleep until the sun rose where he’d finally get some real answers.</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He opened his eyes after another few hours. To be exact, he woke up for the second time at six in the morning and when he’d gotten out of bed, he found that the chair the singer had been on was now empty. With a quiet sigh, he got out of bed again. The sound of running water could be heard through the bathroom door and Kuroo sat at the edge of the bed. He’d need to get his uniform from his own dormitory room, but he figured it was only polite that he thanked the singer for letting him stay over. That, and Kuroo also wanted to find out his name.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He glanced around the room while waiting, taking notes of small details. It looked nothing like what he’d have imagined a musician’s dorm to look like. There weren’t any instruments other than the guitar in its case beside the cushioned chair and there was no sign of any music sheets anywhere in the room. Maybe it was due to a stereotype that Kuroo had that there would be music-related things around the room, but he was rather surprised to find that it was a pretty simple room. It could possibly be because the singer had a roommate, he guessed, and part of him wondered where that roommate was.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The door of the bathroom opened before any more questions could find their way into Kuroo’s head and the singer stepped out in his school uniform. “Oh, you’re awake,” he said as he noticed Kuroo seated at the edge of the bed. “I’d guessed that you’d be asleep for longer.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo shrugged. “I actually woke up in the middle of the night but...you were asleep.” He stood up. “Thank you for yesterday,” he said with a grateful smile. “I’m not sure what happened but I’m guessing that you helped me out.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The singer looked at him for a while longer before nodding. “You went unconscious all of a sudden and since we’re in the same college, I thought I’d just bring you here.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo thanked him again, taking a glance at the clock to find that he still had a little more than an hour before school started. He didn’t exactly want to go to his dormitory room so soon, especially when he figured that his roommate wouldn't have returned yet and he’d still be locked out. “So...what’s your name?” he asked, sitting back onto the bed and hoping the singer wouldn’t mind. “I’m Kuroo Tetsurou.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The singer took a seat next to him. “Kozume...Kenma.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo nodded in acknowledgement. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said with a bright smile.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Likewise,” the singer said, staring down at the floor.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Do you sing at the bar every day?” Kuroo asked, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but...” --- his voice shrank to one so quiet that he was sure Kenma couldn't hear him --- “...I want to hear you sing again.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>From the corner of his eye, he saw the singer’s body stiffen, a small hint of red under his eyes. “Every weekday,” he said, “starting at half past nine.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo smiled, looking down at the floor just as Kenma had been doing. “Cool.” He knew that he’d have his weekday nights busy from now on. On the bright side, that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about being locked out of his room since he could spend the night at the bar, if they’d let him. Unless, of course, he got too drunk and passed out again.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah,” Kenma said, seemingly not sure what he was responding to. “Just...don’t tell anyone my name.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo turned his head, looking at Kenma curiously. “Why?” It wasn’t a demand, but a completely harmless question. Someone with a voice as good as Kenma’s could be on an international stage and if Kenma was willing to perform in a public bar, Kuroo didn’t see why he wouldn’t want to be more well-known. Call him simple-minded, but that was just the way Kuroo saw things.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kenma went silent, only speaking after around ten seconds. “I don’t want them to know.” It didn’t exactly answer Kuroo’s question, but he could figure out that much from Kenma’s answer that he wasn’t one for attention and fame. That was admirable, but it felt like a pity to Kuroo that a large majority of the world would never hear Kenma’s voice.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Before Kuroo could ask anything else, he heard a click and the room door swung open. “Kenma!” he heard a cheery voice as a small-sized person with orange hair bounced into the room. There was a huge grin on the orange-haired student’s face, but then he turned and saw Kuroo and the grin faltered. “Who is he?” the person asked, tilting his head curiously to the side.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Shouyou,” Kenma said as the person came in. He stood up from the bed. “It’s someone I met at the bar. He was unconscious and he also studies here, so I thought I could let him stay over for the night.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Shouyou nodded in understanding, giving Kuroo a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you! I’m Hinata Shouyou!”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo could never understand how someone could have so much energy at this time of the day, but he smiled and introduced himself as well. Kenma watched the exchange and then the two roommates started some conversation Kuroo could not understand. “I’ll be leaving,” he said, waving at Kenma before leaving the room and heading for his dorm.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He saw Kenma wave as he left before returning to his conversation with Shouyou. The lights in the hallway turned on as he stepped out of the door, closing it gently behind him. Now that he was in the corridor, he found that Kenma’s room was just one storey below his, which to Kuroo, was a good thing. Not that he was planning on visiting anytime soon, though he’d possibly consider that in the future.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>His room door was left unlocked when he was there, though the door was almost fully closed. He pushed it open and stepped in before closing and locking it. “Kuroo-kun!” he heard his roommates voice as he entered the room. “So sorry about last night!” There was a sheepish grin on his face as he spoke.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo flopped onto his back on his bed. “It’s actually kinda my fault too,” he admitted. Because all of this wouldn’t have happened if he had remembered to bring his room key along with him, although now that he thought about it, it was a blessing in disguise.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“So where were you last night?” his roommate, Bokuto Koutarou, asked curiously.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo smirked and sat upright. “I went to the bar and passed out and this cute singer took me to his dorm for the night.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Dude, you serious?” Bokuto said, looking highly interested in whatever had happened.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kuroo laughed. “I swear it wasn’t on purpose! I was planning to stay up all night but I drank a little too much and ended up falling unconscious in the bar.” To put it like that in the form of a past story, it actually seemed rather amusing. “Actually, I was just downstairs,” he added after a while.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No way!” Bokuto said with a laugh. “That’s such a coincidence!”</i>
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    <i>“I know right?” Kuroo said, smiling in amusement at how fate had done him so well. He reached his hand above towards the ceiling and then drew it back, clenching his fists lightly as if he’d been reaching for something he hadn’t caught. “I want to hear him sing again,” he said subconsciously as he felt the last melody he could remember from Kenma slipping out of his head.</i>
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    <i>“Go back to the bar, then.” The way Bokuto said it made it seem so easy and to be honest, perhaps it really was.</i>
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    <i>Kuroo hummed quietly in agreement. “Maybe tonight,” he said, looking at the clock in anticipation, before his face changed completely and he realised he only had less than an hour to get ready for school. He nearly tripped as he scrambled to get his uniform to change in the bathroom and by the time he’d gotten ready for lessons, he had to run to the lecture theatre hoping that he wouldn’t be too late.</i>
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    <i>###</i>
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    <i>“So you met him at the bar?” Shouyou asked curiously, slipping on a jacket and taking a seat at the edge of Kenma’s bed beside him. “You mean like, the one you sing at?”</i>
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    <i>Shouyou had been one of the people who played a major role in Kenma singing at the bar. In fact, he was probably the only one who’d constantly encouraged Kenma to try it out and whenever Kenma got nervous and wanted to back out, Shouyou would be the one to nudge him back on track. There was no doubt that Shouyou was Kenma’s best friend in the whole universe. They’d met only at the start of the year and knew each other for no more than a few months, but the moment the hyperactive Shouyou became his roommate, Kenma knew that his life wouldn’t be the same. While he had quite a number of friends, some of which he’d call ‘acquaintances’, who knew about his singing, Shouyou had been the only one to constantly talk to him about it, checking on how he was doing.</i>
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    <i>“Yeah, that one,” Kenma said. “I’ve never seen him there before, though. He’s probably not a regular.”</i>
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    <i>Shouyou shrugged. “You’ll never know...he might have become one starting yesterday.”</i>
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    <i>Turning to stare at his guitar case for a few seconds, Kenma wondered if he’d see Kuroo at the bar again. “Maybe,” he said. He wasn’t completely sure if he was hoping for that, but he did suspect that a part of him wanted to see Kuroo again. He did find him a rather interesting individual, to get drunk alone at a bar like that. Even till now, Kenma realised, he still didn’t know what had happened that landed Kuroo at the bar. He’d probably never find out, but it was all in the past anyway so it didn’t matter. “So how was <i>your</i> night?” he asked, changing the subject because he’d found that the more he thought about Kuroo, the more confused and conflicted he felt on the inside.</i>
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    <i>“Same as usual,” Shouyou said, grinning as he began to recall the events of the night. It had pretty much become a common occurrence for Shouyou to stay over at a friend’s room once or twice every week. From what Shouyou had told him, Kenma knew that there were four of them there in total --- Shoyou’s friend, Shoyou’s friend’s roommate, and the friend of the latter. Shouyou had invited Kenma to join in a few times, but Kenma had politely declined due to multiple reasons, mostly being that he had to work at the bar and he wasn’t really a fan of sleepovers.</i>
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    <i>Kenma listened as Shouyou spoke, watching the clock to ensure they were ahead of schedule and wouldn’t be late for class. “We should get going,” he said once they had half an hour left. It wasn’t that he cared a lot about being early, but he didn’t want to run the risk of being late and having all the attention on him. Shouyou, who had seemed to be carried away, nodded in agreement and went to change into his uniform.</i>
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    <i>Waiting for him, Kenma lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling before sudden jerking up as he remembered who had slept there just hours ago. It felt a little strange, since Kuroo had honestly been a stranger when he’d stayed over. Kenma shook his head slowly as he could still smell traces of alcohol on his bedsheets. He’d probably have to get a new set from the front desk, though he didn’t have any time at the moment.</i>
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    <i>“Let’s go!” Shouyou said with a bright smile as he stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed his bag. He opened the door and stepped out, Kenma following behind. “Lecture Hall A?” he asked, to which Kenma nodded. The two of them walked briskly towards the hall, continuing their conversation from where they’d stopped.</i>
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    <i>The day passed by just like any other, except that Kenma couldn’t seem to get something out of his head. Trying his best to distract himself from whatever it was, he tried to compose music in his head, maybe something to sing at the bar that night. But even the lyrics that flowed through his head seemed to hide their own secrets.</i>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. one more night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>back with chapter 2 HAHAHA i hope i got the characterisation right :')</p><p>enjoy!! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Here again?” the bartender said as Kuroo took a seat at the bar. “You were really a mess yesterday. Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.”</p><p>Kuroo sighed, his face turning red in embarrassment. “Yeah, I know,” he mumbled, looking away to the stage. “Is he here yet?” he asked, noticing that Kenma didn’t seem anywhere in sight. The singer had mentioned that he performed at half past nine every night and a quick glance at the clock told Kuroo that he was starting in a little more than half an hour.</p><p>“He comes at nine sharp,” the bartender said, pouring a glass of wine for another patron. “He’s always at the corner beside the stage.” He didn’t need to hear a name to know who Kuroo was referring to.</p><p>Kuroo turned his head to look at the corner. It was empty, but then again it was still two minutes before nine. “I’ll be going over then,” Kuroo said with a small smile and headed closer to the corner to get a seat just a few metres away.</p><p>It was rather rowdy at this time and there was lots of shouting and loud chattering. Kuroo didn’t exactly like this kind of atmosphere that much, not when he was alone and could be easily caught up in some unwanted drama. But even more, he wondered how Kenma could take it. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who enjoyed crowds, especially ones that held potential fights.</p><p>The door opened for the seventh time since Kuroo had sat down and the singer finally walked in. From where Kuroo was watching, he looked mildly awkward and definitely did not seem like he was comfortable being here. Kuroo watched as the singer gently nudged his way through the crowd, body tense and looking as if he was trying to make himself even smaller than he already was. It took him no more than half a minute to get to where Kuroo was.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, looking surprised that Kuroo was there. “I didn’t think you would come.”</p><p>Kuroo looked at him funny. “Why not?”</p><p>“People don’t usually come to bars alone without a reason,” Kenma said, heading over to the nearby corner and starting to set up his guitar. “Not that I’m judging you or anything...you do you.”</p><p>Turning his body to face Kenma, he watched the singer prepare for his performance. “Who says I don’t have a reason?”</p><p>Kenma stared at him for a moment, as if thinking of an answer. “It’s just my gut feel,” he finally said. In the less than a day that Kuroo had known him, he’d found Kenma to be a rather straightforward person. Perhaps that was a good thing, because he spoke his thoughts without a strong filter. Yet, it did make Kuroo a bit anxious sometimes because Kenma would say exactly what he thought.</p><p>Kuroo smiled in disbelief, but not in a negative way. “Maybe I do.”</p><p>By that, one would have normally guessed that he’d gone through a bad day or something that he wanted to forget. But of course, Kuroo hadn’t. “And what’s that?” Kenma asked curiously.</p><p><i>You</i>, Kuroo thought, but he decided it was best not to say it out loud. “I’m not telling you,” he said with a playful smirk.</p><p>The singer shrugged. “Sure.”</p><p>Kuroo continued watching him in silence. Unaffected by somebody looking at him, Kenma continued to take out his guitar and tune it. The bar was noisy and filled with clashing sounds, but even so, the singer seemed to have no trouble listening to the quiet chords and notes. Kuroo found it rather impressive, and also something that made Kenma appear even more professional than he’d already seemed.</p><p>He didn’t just watch Kenma’s actions, but Kuroo made close observations of him too --- from the way his hair fell perfectly around his face, or the way he’d remain as calm as ever even when loud crashes interrupted his tuning, or just how the corners of his mouth would twitch up into an occasional tiny smile. He didn’t even realise he’d been looking at Kenma that much until the singer looked at him and raised an eye, causing Kuroo to look away quickly.</p><p>The performance began at half past nine sharp and Kuroo was more than anticipating it.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma could feel the eyes of the crowd watching him throughout the time he spent on stage. It wasn’t unusual and was a common occurrence to him by now, except that he didn’t feel as nervous as usual. Instead of letting his eyes wander the crowd like he’d normally do, he kept them on Kuroo. It was a strange feeling to be staring at someone while the lyrics poured out of his mouth, but having someone he knew in the crowd did make it a little better.</p><p>What did make him a little anxious was how Kuroo was looking right back at him. That they were staring right into each other’s eyes and for a moment, it felt like Kenma was singing for Kuroo, or <i>to</i> him. It was weird to think about that, since Kenma had never sung for anyone other than his best friend. And even so, he mostly did it for himself.</p><p>Thank goodness he hadn’t chosen any sappy love songs, or that might have just made things even more awkward. He wrapped up his last song, pushing his distracting thoughts out of his head. It was normal, he convinced himself. He was just trying to find a familiar face in an unfamiliar crowd. The moment he’d strummed his last chord and the music faded away, he stood up and scurried off the stage after a small bow and a quiet ‘thank you’.</p><p>Kuroo was waiting for him at the same place as before. “You did great,” he said, the smile on his face sending a warm feeling through Kenma. Nobody had ever approached him personally after his performance just to tell him he did well. It always came with something else, like hitting on him or things that made him uncomfortable. To have someone in the audience he actually could talk to, it was a nice change.</p><p>“Thanks,” he said, though he couldn’t find enough of a smile on his own face. He started packing his instrument, zipping up the case quietly. “Are you staying here for the rest of the night?” he asked, still crouched beside his guitar case.</p><p>Kuroo shrugged. It seemed that he hadn’t actually thought that far and he’d just come to see the performance. Well, that was Kenma’s guess, but it would make him feel a little honoured if it were true. He’d never had someone purposely come to watch him, or at least even if he wasn’t aware of it. “Maybe,” he said, “but only if you are.”</p><p>Kenma took a quick glance at the clock. “Why not?” he said, taking a seat on the ground with his back against his case. “But no drinking,” he added after a while. He most certainly didn’t want to have to deal with bringing an unconscious person to his dormitory room again, even if it wasn’t a stranger anymore.</p><p>Kuroo pursed his lips in defiance, but eventually nodded. “So how long have you been singing here?” he asked.</p><p>It was a few seconds later that Kenma replied. “A few months, if I remember correctly.” It was sometime at the start of the year, though time had passed by so quickly that he could no longer remember how it’d felt like to stand on the stage for the first time.</p><p>“What course do you take in college?” Kuroo asked almost immediately after Kenma had answered the first question.</p><p>Kenma sighed. “Business.” It hadn’t been his decision. In fact, he’d wanted to pursue art, music in particular. But much to his disappointment, his parents had disapproved of it and told him that business would open up more options for him in the future and it would be for the best if he put his hobby aside and took a ‘more practical’ course. His father had clearly stated that he would help with half of Kenma’s college fees if he were in the Business Course, and knowing that there was no way he could earn enough money while simultaneously studying and playing music, Kenma had reluctantly agreed. It seemed just like a plot out of a cliche drama, but it wasn’t that uncommon of an occurrence. At least, now that Kenma was in that situation for himself, it didn’t feel like one.</p><p>“Really?” Kuroo said, sounding surprised. Kenma could understand why --- it wasn’t the first instinct of many to associate him, the singer at the bar, to a college student studying business. As stereotypical as it was, reality hit hard. “I’d have thought you were in music or something.”</p><p>“I’d have thought so too,” he mumbled, feeling as if salt had been rubbed onto his wounds.</p><p>Kuroo appeared to have noticed the change in his expression and immediately continued talking. “<i>But</i>, that doesn’t mean you can’t continue singing if that makes you happy,” he said with an encouraging smile. He got off the chair and sat next to Kenma on the floor with one leg bent and the other out. “I study sports science,” he said, looking straight ahead with a smile on his face. “I used to play volleyball in high school and our team had quite a lot of injuries so when it came to choosing courses, I thought ‘why not?’”</p><p>Kenma pulled his knees to his chest. <i>At least you get to do what you like,</i> he thought, but not wanting to ruin Kuroo’s good mood, he kept quiet.</p><p>“You’re a first year, I’m guessing?” Kuroo continued, turning to look at Kenma.</p><p>Kenma frowned slightly. “Because I’m small?” he shot back, even though he knew Kuroo had harboured no negative intentions in his words. Kenma was honestly just in a bad mood thinking about how he’d have to return to school in the morning, studying something he had no interest in. “Sorry,” he mumbled after a while. “But you’re right.”</p><p>Kuroo had seemed slightly stunned at first by his sharp words, but it faded almost instantaneously. He seemed to sense that Kenma hadn’t meant his words either and paid no mind to them. “I’m a second year,” he said, returning his gaze forward.</p><p>“...I see,” Kenma said, though his words were nearly inaudible. He and Shouyou were both first years, and he’d heard that the group Shouyou hung out with at night also consisted of first years only, so this was the first time Kenma had talked to a senior outside of school work.</p><p>“Your roommate’s a pretty hyper person,” Kuroo said, a random but nevertheless valid comment. “Where was he last night?”</p><p>“At a friend’s,” Kenma replied, staring at the ground. “You’re lucky he wasn’t around or you might not have been able to stay over.”</p><p>Kuroo laughed. “Yeah,” he said, “and thanks again. I really didn’t expect you to help me when we’d just met.”</p><p>“What else could I do?” the singer replied with an exasperated sigh. “If people saw you they might have thought I did something.”</p><p>“True, true,” Kuroo said thoughtfully. “But you really didn’t have to give up your bed for me...you could have dumped me on the chair or whatever.”</p><p>“My conscience wouldn’t let me,” Kenma said flatly.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled lightly. “I’m glad it was you.” And the moment he finished speaking, he seemed to have realised how many different meanings could have been implied by that one sentence and felt the need to correct himself. “I mean, someone else might not have been that kind and all...” His voice shrank and Kenma couldn’t help but find it mildly amusing.</p><p>“Yeah, I get what you mean,” Kenma interrupted, saving Kuroo from further embarrassment. He tilted his head up, staring at the mixed glow of coloured lights on the ceiling. “I was rather intimidated the first time I started working here,” he said, though he wasn’t exactly sure Kuroo was interested in hearing his life story, so he stopped there. That was, until the second year looked at him as if asking him to continue. “I was a small student,” Kenma recalled, “and it was a huge bar. Even just coming in here alone to get a drink seemed daunting enough, and to perform on the stage in front of everyone, drawing their attention to me...it didn’t seem like a good idea.”</p><p>“What made you come here?” Kuroo asked, resting his chin on his knee with his head turned to Kenma. “If it’s that scary an idea, why didn’t you choose somewhere else? There’s lots of jobs around and I’m sure you’d do them just fine.”</p><p>“...I didn’t like them,” the singer said. “And Shouyou told me I’d do well here. I thought I’d just give it a shot anyway, because what was the worst that could happen?” To be honest, Kenma could think of many bad endings that could come out of this job, but he didn’t want to think of them. Now that he had Kuroo, it did feel like he wasn’t as alone as he’d used to be. If anything happened to him, a part of his mind told him that Kuroo would back him up. Kenma really hoped so.</p><p>As if he’d read his thoughts, Kuroo said, “Trust me, a lot can happen.” He smiled and after a second, he added, “But I won’t let anything happen to you.”</p><p>Kenma felt a strange feeling travel through him and he turned to look at Kuroo, not saying a word.</p><p>“You’re a friend, I mean,” Kuroo immediately said, lifting his chin off his knee and flailing his arms in front of him with a hint of red on his face. “Friends are supposed to help each other, right?”</p><p>A rare smile formed on Kenma’s face. “Yeah.”</p><p>The night passed quickly with the two of them having the most random conversations, though nothing touched the topic of Kenma’s studies. It was like a taboo, something Kuroo had noticeably sensed that the singer didn’t want to talk about. It was cold outside, so much that a tiny fog of mist formed whenever either of them breathed. The sky was covered with clouds and the stars were hardly visible, though that didn’t make it any less refreshing to look at. The moon peeked out from behind one of the clouds like a half-eaten cookie and reflected dim rays of light into Kenma’s eyes.</p><p>“You walk alone back to campus every day?” Kuroo asked as they took a turn at the end of one of the streets. It was quiet at this time, other than the occasional car passing by or the quiet noises by the animals around. Few people were on the streets and in fact, Kenma didn’t see another person around until the end of the road.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma said with a quiet sigh. “It’s not like I have much of a choice...I’m not staying at the bar overnight and I’ll have to get back to campus eventually anyway.” He’d been a little afraid the first few times, but it didn’t seem like too much now that he’d done it over and over again for the past few months. “It’s not like I’ll get kidnapped or whatsoever,” he added. “Who would want to kidnap me?” He was just a singer at a bar, there was absolutely no value in holding him hostage.</p><p>Kuroo smirked. “You’d be surprised.”</p><p>Shooting a quick glare at him, Kenma pouted, not entertaining him with a response.</p><p>The walk back to campus was the same distance as always, but it felt a whole lot shorter with someone else. Kenma neither tensed up when he heard noises or brisk walked past dark alleys. He felt safe, per se. For the first time since he’d started working at the bar, it didn’t seem too bad to walk on the streets close to midnight anymore. The two of them parted as they reached the dormitory, though there remained a quiet agreement that this wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other.</p><p>###</p><p>“You’re back early, Kuroo-kun!” Bokuto said the moment Kuroo entered the room.</p><p>Kuroo collapsed onto a seated position on his bed, resting his arms behind him to support himself. “I’m not always <i>that</i> late,” he argued. Yesterday had been an exception and it probably wouldn’t happen again. Though to be honest, Kuroo wouldn’t mind if it did.</p><p>“Hey, so did you see your cute singer again?” Bokuto said with a small grin, excited to find out what had happened. “You have to tell me <i>all</i> about it!”</p><p>“First of all, he’s not <i>mine</i>, and he has a name,” Kuroo said, smiling uncontrollably at the thought of Kenma. “It’s Kozume Kenma.” It was a strange and foreign feeling, but the more he thought about Kenma, the more he wanted to see him again. “And it was pretty normal, nothing much happened. He just sang again and we talked for a while and---oh! Have I told you he studies here? He’s in the Business Course and he’s a year below us.”</p><p>“Business Course?” Bokuto repeated, sounding surprised just as Kuroo had when he’d first found out.</p><p>Kuroo nodded. “Kinda surprising to me, but maybe my perspectives are just shallow.” Kenma seemed to have a huge interest in music, judging from how he’d <i>chosen</i> to work as a singer at the bar and it was pretty obvious that he was picky with his jobs. When then, hadn’t he chosen to study music instead? Kuroo couldn’t understand, but maybe it was just meant to be a mystery he’d slowly find the answer to.</p><p>“He sounds interesting though,” Bokuto said, moving over to sit beside Kuroo and nudging him playfully. “You’ve gotta introduce me to him sometime! I want to know who got my roommate smiling like an idiot and staying out late at night at the bar.”</p><p>“You might scare him away,” Kuroo said, laughing as Bokuto punched his shoulder lightly, though enough to topple him onto the bed.</p><p>By the time he’d regained his composure and sat upright, Kuroo found that Bokuto had gone to get ready for bed. It was truly getting late, so Kuroo decided he’d turn in soon as well. It would be the weekend once he woke up, he realised as he stared up at the ceiling. He felt a pang of disappointment as he realised that it meant he wouldn’t be seeing Kenma at the bar, not until the weekend was over.</p><p>He sighed in frustration, wondering if he’d be able to see Kenma at all. He did know where Kenma’s room was, but it would be a little strange for him to appear there all of a sudden for absolutely no reason. He ran through a few ideas in his head as he took his turn in the bathroom and then returned to lie on his bed. “Hey,” he said all of a sudden, his words directed to his roommate who was also lying down and staring at the ceiling in the now darkened room, “what are your plans for the weekend?”</p><p>Even without looking, he could tell that Bokuto was smiling widely as he answered. “Glad you asked! I was thinking that we could host a party in the dorm, maybe invite a few friends over and have some fun?”</p><p>Kuroo was silent for a while. “Sounds good,” he said. He knew who would be the ones coming over and there would be about five of them in total, including him and Bokuto. Then all of a sudden, an idea struck Kuroo’s mind. “Do you think we could fit in another guest?”</p><p>Bokuto seemed to know exactly what Kuroo was thinking. “One?” he said in a teasing voice. “Of course we have room for him.”</p><p>“Great,” Kuroo said, sounding satisfied. If he could invite Kenma and somehow convince him to come, he’d be able to see him during the weekend. Although, he wasn’t sure how possible that was. Kenma didn’t seem like the kind to enjoy parties, especially with unfamiliar people. “Tomorrow night?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bokuto said chirpily. There was silence for a while before they exchanged a quiet ‘goodnight’ and Kuroo closed his eyes.</p><p>Maybe he hadn’t realised it earlier, but now that he was lying here in complete silence with his thoughts running through his head, he came to a realisation. He’d only known Kenma for slightly more than a day and he didn’t even know if Kenma considered him a friend. But even despite all of that one fact remained.</p><p>Kozume Kenma had been running around in his mind.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma woke up to a faint knocking on his door. He flipped on his bed, covering his head with the blanket to drown out the noise. The visitor persisted, however, and the knocking only got louder. Who would be here at this hour? Kenma knew that it couldn’t be one of Shouyou’s friends, since those friends of his never really visited and it was always Shouyou going over. In addition to that, the orange-haired student was now fast asleep, with his blanket draped messily over his body.</p><p>The knocking finally ceased, much to Kenma’s relief, only to start again after a few seconds. Kenma threw the corners of his blanket to the side in frustration, forcing himself out of bed and dragging his feet to the door. Midway, he stopped by the mirror to quickly adjust his hair so he wouldn’t look like that much of a mess, but eventually he gave up and opened the door. This had better be worth it.</p><p>Much to his surprise, it was a familiar face at the door. And it wasn’t that dark-haired friend of Shouyou’s or anyone else Kenma wasn’t on personal terms with. It was the person who’d been consuming a decent amount of his thoughts for the past day --- Kuroo Tetsurou.</p><p>He rubbed his eyes gently before subtly adjusting his clothes so he looked mildly presentable. That was, if it was possible for him to look presentable in a loose sweatshirt and shorts that were hardly visible. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a groggy voice.</p><p>For some reason, he noticed that there seemed to be a small tinge of red on Kuroo’s cheeks. “Um, h-hi,” he said, smiling awkwardly. “I’m not disturbing anything, I hope?” His hands were in his pockets and unlike the previous times Kenma had seen him, Kuroo looked unusually anxious.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma said, opening the door slightly. “Shouyou’s asleep though, so make too much noise and you’ll have to leave.” Kuroo nodded and the two of them walked in, taking a seat at the edge of Kenma’s bed. “So why did you come here?”</p><p>“I wanted to...um...invite you to a party.”</p><p>Kenma raised an eye at him. “A party? I think you should know by now that I’m not the party kind of person.” His words were blunt, but Kenma didn’t see the need to sugarcoat them. Kenma had never enjoyed parties. They were noisy and crazy and Kenma wasn’t either of those. It was a little similar to the reason why he declined Shouyou’s constant invitations to hang out with his group of friends, though that was also partly because he found some of them rather intimidating.</p><p>Kuroo looked disappointed at his words and Kenma couldn’t help but feel bad. He didn’t want it to seem like he didn’t enjoy spending time with Kuroo, because he actually did. Kenma bit his lip gently as the second year spoke. “Sorry,” Kuroo said quietly. “I mean, I guess you don’t have to come if it’s not your thing.” He fidgeted slightly before standing up and clearly forcing a smile on his face. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday night.”</p><p>Kenma stared at his back as he walked out, then something took over him and he found himself standing up and a voice that no doubt belonged to him filling the half of the room which they occupied. “What time is the party?”</p><p>In an instant, Kuroo turned his head around, eyes widened in surprise. “You mean, you’re coming?” Kenma honestly wasn’t sure if he was, but there wasn’t any harm in finding out more details. Shouyou did have another one of his usual nights at his friend’s room and that meant that Kenma would be alone. Not that it ever bothered him, but it would be good to socialise once in a while. At least, that was what Shouyou often bugged him about.</p><p>Kenma looked away. “I never said I wouldn't consider it.”</p><p>The disappointment that had been on Kuroo’s face was immediately wiped away and replaced by a bright smile. The guilt that Kenma had felt slowly faded. But although he wasn’t completely sure he actually wanted to be at a social gathering such as a party, it felt like a let-down to give Kuroo false hope. Kenma would have to carefully consider the invitation and hopefully come to a conclusion soon enough. “Tonight at around nine,” he said. “Room 314.”</p><p>“Okay,” Kenma said, looking at Kuroo with the smallest hint of a smile. “Maybe I’ll come.” And for the first time, he meant his words when he said that.</p><p>Kenma had never enjoyed parties. They were noisy and crazy and Kenma wasn’t either of those. But with Kuroo, perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>will probably update in a few days LOL</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. chasing fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh man writing characters is hard</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what people wore to parties. “Shouyou,” he said, still looking at the reflection of his clothes, “is this good?” He was in a T-shirt and jeans, though he didn’t know if anyone actually wore those kinds of outfits to visit someone’s dormitory room.</p><p>“Hm?” Shouyou turned to look at him, lying on his front across his bed. “Sure, looks fine to me!” he said with a cheshire grin. “Have fun! And tell me all about it later!”</p><p>Shouyou had been pestering him about it ever since he’d found out. In fact, he’d found out almost immediately. It turned out that he’d woken up sometime during Kenma’s conversation with Kuroo and though he’d pretended to be asleep and kept his eyes shut, he’d unintentionally overheard most of the conversation. Of course, Kenma couldn’t blame him for that. They were roommates, after all. And he really didn’t mind if Shouyou knew.</p><p>Kenma smiled. “Yeah, I will.” He took a quick glance at the clock and found that if he didn’t hurry, he might end up late. “I’ll be going now. Goodnight, Shouyou.” He walked briskly out of the room, grabbing one of the jackets on the clothes rack on the way.</p><p><i>314, was it?</i> He headed to the staircase and walked up, reaching the storey above his room’s. His gaze travelled around the corridor. The arrangement of the rooms were likely to be the same as the other storeys, meaning that he should be able to find the room using the layout of the storey below. The first number he saw was 301 and following the direction of the rising numbers, he eventually found the room.</p><p>The door was unlocked, but he felt that it would be more polite to knock anyway. He reached out to knock on the door, but then retracted his hand midway. It wasn’t just Kuroo’s dorm, he realised, and to be honest, he was still a little nervous to be coming here. He didn’t know Kuroo’s friends at all and it may end up awkward or possibly worse. What if they didn’t like him and things got rough? Kenma had never been to a party like this without a close friend beside him, so he had no idea what to expect. Furthermore, Kuroo was <i>hosting</i> the party, and that made Kenma even more worried that he might ruin it.</p><p>Maybe he should just turn and walk away and pretend he’d never intended to come. It did feel like that would be disappointing Kuroo greatly, but the more Kenma thought about it, the more he realised agreeing to come was likely a mistake. He retracted his hand and stuffed it into the pocket of the hoodie he’d put on on the way, turning around to leave with his gaze kept on the carpeted floor.</p><p>“Hey,” he heard a voice and looked up to see a black-haired person standing in front of him. “You were standing in front of the dorm,” the person continued. “Everything okay?”</p><p>Kenma stared at him for a while. Had this person seen him hesitating to knock and preparing to leave? “Oh,” he said after a while. “Yeah, I’m fine.”</p><p>“Are you here for the party?” the stranger asked.</p><p>Kenma was surprised that he knew, but then guessed that this was another one of the guests. “I...yeah, but...I’m not sure if I’m going in.”</p><p>The person looked at him, slightly confused. “Well,” he said, holding out his hand, “I’m Akaashi Keiji. Since you’re here, you might as well come in. I’m sure nobody will mind.”</p><p>Kenma shook Akaashi’s hand tentatively. “...Okay,” he said after a few seconds. It was a little weird to leave now that he’d been invited to go for the second time one of the guests was standing right in front of him. He fidgeted nervously as Akaashi took a step forward and pushed the door open.</p><p>“Don’t worry too much,” Akaashi assured him. “They’re a little rowdy but they’re nice people.”</p><p>All eyes were on them as they stood at the entrance. Kenma shrank behind Akaashi, peeking into the room and searching for Kuroo. There were three others that he didn’t recognise, but eventually his eyes found what they were looking for and he gave Kuroo a small smile that was almost instantly returned.</p><p>Akaashi started walking in a glanced back, signalling to Kenma to follow. Kenma did and as he walked in, Kuroo stood up and came over to beside him. “This is the friend I was talking about,” he announced to the rest of the room and Kenma wanted to hide away. Kuroo turned to him and added in a quiet voice, “You want to introduce yourself?”</p><p>“Kozume Kenma,” Kenma said, staring at the ground. He wasn’t the best with strangers and to be honest, he’d rather be sitting at the corner and possibly playing video games, except that he’d left them in his room.</p><p>“Kenma-san! Nice to meet you!” one of the guests who was a lot taller than him came over. “You’re so small!” Kenma shifted closer to Kuroo. He didn’t like getting attention at all, even if it was just among five others.</p><p>“Lev! Don’t scare him,” Kuroo chided, holding a protective arm in front of Kenma.</p><p>Lev smiled sheepishly. “Sorry Kuroo-san!” He turned to one of the others. “Yaku-san! He’s taller than you!”</p><p>Kenma didn’t know what happened next, but there was a lot of shouting and Kuroo rushed over to hold someone back from attacking Lev. “Calm down!” Kuroo was frantically shouting, while Bokuto was bent over in laughter and Akaashi beside him just looked like he was questioning his life decisions.</p><p>It was a few minutes later that they finally settled down and Kenma heaved a quiet sigh of relief. Kuroo took a seat at the edge of his bed and invited Kenma to sit beside him, which Kenma did. The group introduced themselves in a round and by the time they were done, Kenma had matched their names to their faces. Still, even knowing who they were, they were acquaintances at most and Kenma remained as distant as he’d been at first. His eyes travelled over the group, making small notes of each of them.</p><p>First, there was Kuroo’s roommate, Bokuto. He looked like he’d get along well with Shouyou, Kenma decided. He was just as hyper and the two of them had the same energy. Maybe someday he’d bring Shouyou here if Kuroo didn’t mind. Shouyou certainly wouldn’t mind meeting a new person who'd likely become a good friend.</p><p>Then there were Yaku and Lev. Lev was the one that mildly scared him. It wasn’t his personality that daunted Kenma, though that did play a small role, but it was mostly because he was a whole lot taller and seemed to be towering over Kenma. He gave off an overconfident vibe, though maybe it was just Kenma who thought that. There was also Yaku, who was apparently roommates with Lev. The two seemed like opposites and Yaku seemed to lose his temper at Lev very easily. It was a strange dynamic between them, but at the same time rather interesting.</p><p>And of course, there was Akaashi. Kenma did feel moderately comfortable around him because after all, he’d been the one that brought Kenma in. He didn’t seem to talk a lot either, which made him seem similar enough to Kenma. He was probably one of the most mature in the group and was apparently close friends with Bokuto, much to Kenma’s surprise.</p><p>“So what do you wanna do?” Kuroo asked him, breaking his train of thought.</p><p>Kenma looked at him and shrugged. “What do people usually do in parties?”</p><p>“Well, they play stupid games that often end badly,” Kuroo said with a laugh, clearly referring to a previous party the group might have had. “But of course, we don’t have to do that.” Meanwhile, the rest were already gathering on Bokuto’s bed and talking about things that had happened throughout the week. Kenma felt slightly bad for taking Kuroo aside for himself.</p><p>“I mean, you can go ahead and join them,” Kenma said, staring at the floor. “I don’t want to stop you from having fun.”</p><p>Kuroo shook his head. “I don’t want you feeling bored or anything.” He turned around and climbed over to the other end of his bed, adjusting the pillows against the headboard and taking a seat against them. “Come over,” he said to Kenma. “We can just chill and talk if you’d like.”</p><p>Kenma looked at him for a while, as if considering the offer. Then he crawled over on the bed and sat next to Kuroo, hugging his knees to his chest. “Okay.”</p><p>He honestly wouldn’t mind something like this, even if he did feel a little awkward here. With the room being filled with the other four participating in strange shenanigans, Kenma knew it was only sooner or later that he’d end up involved in something too. But at least for now, he’d take this step by step.</p><p>###</p><p>Kuroo leaned against the pillows behind him, watching as Lev began to talk proudly about how he was so quick that he could pick up cats on the street and Yaku began shouting at him about how that was just like kidnapping and that he shouldn’t be doing it. Akaashi on the side like he was completely done with whatever this was and Bokuto was just rolling on his bed and laughing away. Kuroo smiled silently to himself. This was somewhat a typical occurrence and this group of friends had <i>always</i> been that boisterous.</p><p>“So,” he said, his words directed at Kenma, “how have you been?”</p><p>“You saw me last night,” Kenma replied, sounding slightly amused and defiant at the same time. “But I’ve been fine.”</p><p>“That’s good,” Kuroo said. “What did you do today, before this?”</p><p>Kenma sighed. “Wrote a few songs...though I haven’t really tried playing them.”</p><p>Kuroo looked at him with an interested smile. “Care to share them with me? I could be your first audience.” He smirked, turning his head towards Kenma. Half of him was just teasing Kenma, but the other half meant it seriously. He’d love for that to happen --- for him to help Kenma with his music. He didn’t just want to be a member of the audience just like all the people at the bar. Kuroo wanted to be something <i>more</i> to him. Something <i>special</i>, even if just by proof-listening for him and possibly giving advice.</p><p>“Maybe,” Kenma said with a shrug, and Kuroo had no idea if that was a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. Well, either way it was better than a straight out rejection. “But they’re not very good.”</p><p>If there was one thing Kuroo could say for sure, it was that Kenma undermined his ability way too much. Kuroo was sure that he’d written a huge majority of the songs that he sang and to be honest, they were better than many of those Kuroo had heard from famous singers. “You’re wrong when you say that,” he said. “You’re one of the best singers and songwriters I’ve ever known.”</p><p>Kenma tightened his arms around his knees. “You’re just trying to flatter me.”</p><p>“I’m not!” Kuroo argued defensively. He knew for sure that he meant every word he said.</p><p>“Are too,” Kenma said, not looking at him.</p><p>“Am not.”</p><p>“Are too.”</p><p>“Am <i>not</i>.”</p><p>“Are too.”</p><p>“For goodness’ sake, Kozume! I mean it when I said you’re the best I’ve <i>ever</i> known!” Kuroo finally said in frustration, throwing his arms up. He saw Kenma’s face turning red almost instantly after he’d finished and it was then that he realised just how loud he’d spoken.</p><p>A layer of bright red took over his face as he slowly turned to look at the others. The room had gone completely quiet and all four of his friends that had been having a noisy argument were now looking at him and Kenma.</p><p>“Best what?” Lev asked curiously, his voice filling the whole room.</p><p>Kuroo looked at Kenma apologetically. “Um...well, Kozume can sing really well.” His voice was quiet and he wasn’t sure if he should be telling all of them about it. Bokuto knew, but the others didn’t.</p><p>Kenma immediately looked like he wanted to dig a hole and sit inside for the rest of his life. He lowered his head, hiding his face between his knees.</p><p>“Sing for us!” Lev suggested and Bokuto nodded in agreement. The rest were looking at Kenma in anticipation and Kuroo was apologising profusely through a pitiful look.</p><p>“I...don’t have my guitar,” Kenma said, visibly trying to find an excuse to get out of this situation. This was probably another thing about parties that Kuroo guessed Kenma didn’t like --- the fact that when something was initiated, it wouldn’t end that soon and he’d likely end up having to sing anyway.</p><p>“I have one!” Bokuto said cheerfully.</p><p>Kuroo clicked his tongue and smiled playfully. “You mean from the time you tried to learn it and gave up after a month?”</p><p>“Hey! At least I tried!” his roommate protested as he fumbled through a mess of things at the side of a room, eventually finding said guitar behind a pile of boxes and papers. He walked to the bed and passed it to Kenma. “Here, do whatever you do best.” He smiled encouragingly and Kenma seemed to relax a little.</p><p>“You don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable doing it,” Kuroo whispered, making sure the others wouldn’t hear him.</p><p>Kenma strummed a low chord. “It’s fine,” he said with a sigh. “It’s just five people.” Kuroo didn’t know who he was trying to convince by that.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma took in a sharp breath. He tried to pull out the lyrics of one of his songs from his memory into this mind, eventually settling on his latest one. It would be good to have some small audience listen to it first before he decided if he’d like to share it with the patrons at the bar.</p><p>His fingers were cold and shivering as he held them to the strings of the unfamiliar guitar. He spent a few minutes getting it in tune since it seemingly hadn’t been used in a very long time. His palms were sweating and his heart was racing as he felt all their eyes on him. He’d felt like this when he’d first started at the bar, but it had eventually gone away. It was a little strange for him to be so nervous now, especially when he was performing for only five others and they were all Kuroo and his friends.</p><p>Or perhaps that <i>was</i> the reason --- because he wanted to do well so Kuroo wouldn’t be wrong to say that he was a good singer. Honestly, he didn’t know why he cared so much. He’d never bothered with what anyone thought --- not until now. He bit his lip gently, running through the chord sequence in his head. Then he finally strummed a chord and let his voice fill the room.</p><p>For Kenma, singing was an escape. It was nerve-wracking before and after, but during his performances, he felt an usual calm over him. It sometimes seemed as if music took him away from the world, even if just for the few minutes that each song lasted. As he sang, he forgot the world around him. He forgot that he was in Kuroo’s dorm, singing his latest song to a group of five people he hardly knew. But maybe, letting the music take over was what made him the apparent good singer that Kuroo said he was. His chords were in tune as always, just as his voice was. He passed by verse after verse, chorus after chorus, and by the time he was done with the first song, he felt a small smile forming on his face. Throughout the song, he’d kept his gaze on one of the walls, creating a scene of his music in his head. He hadn’t sang for anyone, but himself.</p><p>Even if sometimes, he felt like that wasn’t enough.</p><p>He heard applause fill the room. “That was really good!” Bokuto said with a wide grin. “No wonder Kuroo-kun goes to the bar to see you!” From the corner of his eye, he saw Kuroo shoot a sharp glare at his roommate.</p><p>“It really was,” Akaashi said with a small nod and a smile on his face. “You perform at a bar?” he asked curiously, to which Kenma nodded.</p><p>In just moments, he was overwhelmed by impressed comments from everyone in the room. Everyone but Kuroo, who sat next to him in silence. Kenma wouldn’t know till he turned around minutes later, but Kuroo had a soft smile on his face as he watched the others, especially Bokuto and Lev, talking enthusiastically to Kenma.</p><p>The singer returned to beside Kuroo after a while, turning his head to face him. “What do you think?” he asked. He was genuinely curious to know what Kuroo thought about the song. It’d be useful to get some feedback, and he did trust Kuroo enough to ask him about it.</p><p>“Of course it’s good,” Kuroo said, looking proudly at Kenma, “you sang it.”</p><p>Kenma averted his eyes, a small blush on his cheeks. “That’s not very helpful.”</p><p>Kuroo laughed and jabbed his side gently. “It’s true!” His face turned more serious after a while. “But really, it was good. The lyrics and the melody fit really well together.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Kenma said with a tiny smile that was hardly visible.</p><p>“Another?” Bokuto asked hopefully and the rest nodded in agreement.</p><p>With a small sigh, Kenma agreed. Now that he’d started, it felt a little like the bar. It wasn’t as tense as it'd started out and maybe he’d even be able to have fun if he would let himself. <i>It’s just a group of friends in an informal performance,</i> he told himself. He looked to Kuroo before he started and Kuroo gave him an encouraging smile.</p><p>Kenma took a deep breath. And he sang again.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma only stopped after around half an hour and Kuroo was in a complete state of awe. Kenma’s voice had been breathtaking in the bar, but in a small room where the sounds echoed around, it was a whole new level. The rest of his friends seemed to feel the same, for they began to crowd around Kenma and ask him questions. Kuroo had been a little afraid that Kenma would be uncomfortable around so many people, but it was the opposite case. He seemed to like their company and that made Kuroo rather relieved.</p><p>Now that the awkwardness was almost completely gone, Kenma was able to join in their conversations and the night was beginning to take a turn for the better. Kenma returned the guitar to Bokuto, who started to ramble about how he couldn’t seem to get anything in tune. The six of them spent the next few hours talking about everything under the sun, even sharing funny things that happened throughout the week. Kenma looked a bit traumatised at times, but it often went away as quickly as it came. It was comforting to see that the singer was having fun here and Kuroo decided that he’d probably try to invite Kenma over again.</p><p>As it began to pass a few hours after midnight, Kuroo found that Kenma looked a little sleepy. “You okay?” he asked as the singer found his way to the headboard of the bed again. “You look tired.”</p><p>Kenma shrugged, leaning against the pillows behind them and looking a lot less tense than before. “Maybe a little.”</p><p>“You can sleep if you’d like to,” Kuroo offered, moving over to join him.</p><p>Kenma looked hesitant. “Now?” His words held not only the element of time but the location in which they were at now. He didn’t seem very keen on sleeping during a party and especially not when they were in Kuroo’s room. He covered his mouth as he yawned. “I’ll hold on for a while more before I go back to my dorm.”</p><p>“Sure,” Kuroo said. He’d be fine with whatever Kenma felt the most comfortable doing. He tilted his head to stare at the ceiling. He was starting to feel sleepy too, though it was honestly nothing he couldn’t endure. He’d pulled several all-nighters in his high school and college life and it wouldn’t be a huge achievement for him to stay up till dawn anymore. “So I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said after a while. “Why didn’t you take music?” Kuroo hadn’t forgotten that Kenma seemed to have his reasons for it, though he hadn’t found out what they were and he wasn’t planning on never finding out.</p><p>Kenma’s face was taken over by a layer of gloom. “Reasons,” he said simply, as if that explained everything.</p><p>Kuroo hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should probe further or let Kenma be. But it seemed like the best time to ask now and since they were in a party, he could easily change the topic if it ever became necessary. “What reasons, if you don’t mind telling me?”</p><p>He saw Kenma’s body stiffen. “...My parents.” He stopped for a moment before he continued, “It’s not that they’re forcing me to take business, but my father said he’d pay for half my fees if I did. They said it’ll be better for my future and I know they mean well for me but...” His voice trailed off.</p><p><i>Oh.</i> So it was just like one of those drama serials, where it was dreams against practicality. Kuroo was fortunate to be able to study whatever he wanted, but it didn’t sound like Kenma was in the same situation. Clearly, Kenma wouldn’t be able to pay for all of his school fees by himself, even if he worked multiple jobs endlessly, leaving the only option as accepting his father’s offer. Kuroo didn’t know what he could say to make him feel better. “Is that why,” he asked, “you chose to work at the bar?”</p><p>There was a small gap of silence. “...Yeah,” Kenma said quietly. “I thought maybe if I did it well enough, they’d change their minds.” Kenma had previously said that another one of the reasons was because he actually enjoyed it, but now there was an added layer to it --- to show his parents he could do well with music.</p><p>Kuroo didn’t have to ask to know that it didn’t work. If it had, Kenma would probably have transferred courses already. Kenma had been working for a few months, and a few months was a decently long time. “Well...on the bright side, you still get to sing as a job,” he said with a half-hearted smile. It seemed that in that kind of situation, anything was better than nothing.</p><p>Kenma didn’t look convinced. “I guess so.” It still felt like talking about that sensitive to him and Kuroo decided he shouldn’t continue that line of questioning. It was a huge pity to Kuroo that Kenma did want to pursue music as more than a hobby, but he wasn’t able to due to uncontrollable circumstances. Every time Kenma was singing, he looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself, be it in the bar or in the dorm. And Kuroo liked that Kenma was having fun. What was life without that? If only there was another way for him to sing on a larger scale...</p><p>“Have you ever wanted to sing on stage?” Kuroo asked all of a sudden. “I mean, not a bar stage but one with judges and a huge audience...like a <i>competition</i>.” He wasn’t exactly sure how to phrase his words and he gestured wildly with his hands, though he did think that Kenma understood what he meant.</p><p>There was another break of silence as Kenma pondered the question. “Yeah,” he finally said after much thought. Then in a quieter voice he added, “But I don’t think I’m good enough.”</p><p>Kuroo shook his head profusely. “No way! I’ve already told you that you’re the---”</p><p>“Best singer and songwriter you’ve ever known?” Kenma interrupted, quoting what Kuroo had told him over and over again. The singer looked down and sighed, resting his chin between his knees. “No offence, but it doesn’t mean <i>that</i> much coming from you.”</p><p>Kuroo pursed his lips, feigning an upset look on his face. “Excuse me? What is that supposed to imply? That I’m not a worthy judge? I'd have you know that I’m completely impartial when I say that your music is good.” And really, as much as he’d play favourites for Kozume Kenma anytime, he <i>did</i> mean it when he said Kenma was good at singing.</p><p>Kenma laughed and hearing that made Kuroo smile. “Not at all,” Kenma said, “just that you seem to put me on a higher stage than I really am.” He turned his head to Kuroo, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “But if I ever got the chance, I guess there’s no harm trying.”</p><p>“Really?” Kuroo said excitedly as if he hadn’t expected that answer at all. Which indeed, he hadn’t. He’d always thought of Kenma to be the low-key kind of person, although this was a pleasant surprise. It wasn’t just about the fame --- it was more about Kenma being happy. If he liked singing, then why not? “Great!” Kuroo continued after a while. “I’ll find one for you!”</p><p>“Mmm...trying to be my manager already?” Kenma said with a playful smile.</p><p>Kuroo didn’t know why, but he could feel his heart race and his face heat up. He tried his best to suppress both of them. “Maybe,” he said with a small smirk. “Do I make the cut?”</p><p>Visibly hiding his smile, Kenma mumbled a single word before he closed his eyes as if trying to sleep, his head subconsciously tilted sideways towards Kuroo. His arms had loosened around his knees and fallen to his lap. In an instant, he looked like he was sound asleep.</p><p><i>Cute,</i> Kuroo thought as he looked at the singer, his eyelids beginning to feel heavy as well. Hadn’t he mentioned that he would be returning to his room to sleep? Kuroo was sure he had, but he certainly wasn’t going to wake Kenma up to tell him that. Maybe Kenma had changed his mind. Closing his eyes, Kuroo smiled, his mind still fixed on the last word Kenma had spoken.</p><p>
  <i>“Anytime.”</i>
</p><p>Kuroo couldn’t wait for that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk how to feel about how this turned out ;-; welp hope you enjoyed it :')</p><p>disclaimer: yes i've never been to college or a college party</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. a little braver</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i did so much research for this LOL</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A curtain of light came over Kuroo’s eyes and he slowly opened them. He blinked once. Twice. Then the room formed around him. Glancing at the clock, he found that it was seven in the morning. It wasn’t exactly early, but it wasn’t late either. He’d fallen asleep while in a seated position and his back was starting to cramp up. Kuroo groaned quietly as he straightened his back gradually, only to suddenly freeze. There was a weight on his shoulder, and not on both but on one side. He turned his head slowly and felt a few strands of hair brush against his neck. <i>Since when was his hair that long?</i> His gaze lowered and landed on someone beside him.</p><p>His eyes widened as he was met with the sight of Kenma sleeping beside him, head leaning on his shoulder. He didn’t remember them being like this when he’d fallen asleep so that must mean that it happened sometime during the night. “Kenma?” he said quietly. The singer stirred slightly, but didn’t seem to wake up. Kuroo turned his head away. It seemed that the other guests had left, leaving only three of them in the room. Speaking of which, where was---</p><p>“Hey hey hey!” Kuroo nearly got a shock from the sudden voice. “You’re finally awake!” Bokuto was sitting on his bed and he seemed to have been watching them for a while. “It was funny to see your reaction when you woke up and saw Kozume,” he added with a grin.</p><p>“Bro, why you gotta scare me like that?” Kuroo said once he’d regained his composure, though he was trying not to laugh. He hadn’t expected to see Kenma still there, so it was indeed a surprise, though a pleasant one at that. He felt a gentle nudge and turned back to look at Kenma, who seemed like he was half-awake. His hair covered the sides of his face like a curtain and his eyes were opened to the smallest of a fraction.</p><p>“Good morning,” Kuroo said with a small smile as Kenma lifted his head off his shoulder, looking around to take note of where he was. “You fell asleep during the party.”</p><p>Kenma nodded as if he’d figured out that much. “Sorry,” he mumbled, sounding slightly embarrassed of himself.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Kuroo assured him. He reached out to brush Kenma’s hair out of his face, but stopped himself midway and pulled back. He’d already trespassed a certain boundary of personal space during the night and he didn’t want to take it too far. He sighed subtly to himself.</p><p>“I’ll leave you two to whatever,” Bokuto said light-heartedly as he grabbed a fresh set of clothes and headed to the bathroom.</p><p>There was an awkward and tense silence for a while before Kuroo spoke. “Thanks for coming. I really didn’t expect you to come but...I had fun.” He smiled, looking down at the bed.</p><p>“...I had fun too,” Kenma admitted quietly, playing with his fingers on his lap. “Maybe...I can come over again?” he asked, looking hopefully at Kuroo. “Or you could come over to mine...” His voice shrank with every word.</p><p>Kuroo turned his head towards Kenma. “Really?” he asked, as if he’d doubted his hearing. He hadn’t expected Kenma to suggest that at all. In fact, a small part of him worried that Kenma wouldn’t want to come over again.</p><p>“...Yeah,” Kenma replied. “I mean, I don’t mind...and I think Shouyou would like to meet you too.”</p><p>A wide smile took over Kuroo’s face. “Sure.” He took out his phone, turning it on and passing it to Kenma. “Your number?” he asked. “So we can plan times to meet up...maybe.”</p><p>Kenma took the phone and keyed his number in, making a call to it so he’d have Kuroo’s too. He picked his phone out as it buzzed, only for another notification to catch his eye. “I need to go,” he said, much to Kuroo’s disappointment. “I’m supposed to hang out with Shouyou today.”</p><p>Kuroo forced a half-hearted smile on his face. He wished that Kenma could stay for a while more, but he wasn’t going to take Kenma away from his friends. “Alright,” he said with a small sigh. “See you Monday night?”</p><p>Kenma nodded, giving him a rare smile. “Yeah.”</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma spent the whole of Sunday hanging out with Shouyou and another friend that his roommate brought along. The singer guessed that it was the friend whose room Shouyou frequently visited, though he honestly was surprised by their interactions. Shouyou and his black-haired friend were constantly bickering and competing against one another, and Kenma just stood at the side watching them. It was amusing, he had to admit, though he still couldn’t understand how they apparently still got along well. Perhaps that would always be a mystery in itself.</p><p>Monday started out pretty well, until he received a text message from the college’s administrative office reminding him to pay his college fees for the month. He sighed in frustration at the thought of that. In the few days he’d spent after meeting Kuroo, he’d started to forget that he was even in that tiresome situation in the first place. Having someone who actually believed he could sing on a competitive stage, just as he’d dreamt of a long time ago before reality came crashing down on him, made him feel as if he’d been freed from a cage. But the feeling was temporary, for the world would always find a way to come back and remind him of how he was still Kozume Kenma, the part-time bar singer who studied business in the day.</p><p>“Kenma?”</p><p>He turned his head at the sound of Shouyou calling his name. They were in the lecture hall for the last block of the day and though Kenma was present in the hall, the words only drifted by his head. He couldn’t seem to pay attention to something he didn’t want to be listening to. In his head flowed quiet notes, coming together to form melodies that he could someday integrate into his songs. “Yeah?” he said, trying his best to create a blank look on his face. He didn’t like bringing others into his troubles, even if it was his best friend.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked, a completely innocent question but one that got Kenma pondering about.</p><p><i>No, I’m not,</i> he thought, an immediate response in his head. But he couldn’t say that out loud, could he? Shouyou had always been there for him but that didn’t mean Kenma wanted to drag him into this problem, to make him have another thing to worry about. “I’m fine,” he finally said, putting on a half-hearted smile. “Don’t worry about me.”</p><p>Shouyou looked at him with a mild concern in his eyes. “If there’s anything wrong, you can tell me, okay?”</p><p>Kenma nodded. He was glad he had a friend like Shouyou that he could always count on, though it did make him feel a little bad that he wasn’t as good a friend to Shouyou as he would like to be. He shoved his thoughts back into his mind and returned his focus to the lecture, even as the music continued writing itself in his head.</p><p>Hours passed quickly and as night fell, Kenma headed to the bar as usual. He’d prepared a few new songs and to be honest, he was looking forward to his performance. Furthermore, he did have another reason to look forward to --- that someone would be there watching him, someone that actually made him want to sing even more than he did already. His footsteps neared the entrance of the bar and with a sharp breath, he pushed the glass doors open, stepping inside.</p><p>“You’re early today,” the bartender noted as Kenma walked past.</p><p>Kenma stopped and looked briefly at his watch. Indeed, he was ahead of schedule by five minutes. He shrugged. “I supposed there’s no harm in being early,” he said, then began walking towards his usual corner. He set his guitar case on the floor and slowly unzipped it.</p><p>“Kenma,” he heard a familiar voice and turned his head around to see Kuroo. “You came earlier than usual.” Kuroo stood beside where Kenma was setting up his case, bending down slightly. “Not that that’s a bad thing though...that means we have more time before your performance.” From the corner of his eye, Kenma saw Kuroo smile.</p><p>“I guess I did look forward to coming here today,” Kenma admitted. “I have a few new songs that I wrote yesterday and this afternoon.” He was most certainly not going to admit that he looked forward to seeing Kuroo.</p><p>“Cool,” the second year said, walking a few steps back to sit on one of the high chairs. “Can’t wait to hear them.”</p><p>Kenma smiled teasingly. “In a few minutes.”</p><p>Once he’d set up his instrument, Kenma left it on the open case and took a seat next to Kuroo. As if he’d suddenly remembered something, Kuroo’s eyes lit up. “By the way,” he said, taking out his phone and typing something Kenma couldn’t make out. “I found this!” He held out his phone to Kenma, who squinted slightly to read the words on the dimly lit screen.</p><p>“Star Spotlight...?” he read, trying to register the contents of the digital poster in his head. “Wait...is this a...?”</p><p>He did need to finish his sentence for Kuroo to know what he meant. “A competition,” Kuroo said, confirming Kenma’s thoughts. “It’s not just singing, though. It’s a talent competition so there’s more than just that. Although...I did think you might be interested.”</p><p>Kenma felt a smile tugging at the ends of his mouth. “Wow...I mean, yeah, of course I’m interested!” Maybe it wasn’t what he’d thought of, since this did seem like a pretty large-scale competition. Nevertheless, it did seem like a good chance for exposure. The grand prize was apparently a hundred thousand dollars and there didn’t seem like there were any runner-up prizes, but Kenma wasn’t there for the money in the first place. It would help with his college fees if he won, but he wasn’t going to look that far yet. Even despite his interest, Kenma knew that he’d have to consider other factors as well. “When is this?” he asked, to which Kuroo took the phone to read through the poster again.</p><p>“Tomorrow’s the last day to sign up. The audition round is...sometime next week,” Kuroo said after a short while. “It’s not in front of an audience, but just a panel of judges.”</p><p>Kenma shrugged. “I think I can pull that off.” He did have his mid-year examinations coming up in a few weeks and it wouldn’t be too good to overload himself with commitments such as this. But to give up a rare chance to further his hobby into something more? Kenma couldn’t bring himself to do that.</p><p>“Great!” Kuroo exclaimed. “Maybe we could rehearse a bit before that?”</p><p>Kenma laughed. “I haven’t even signed up yet, but when we get there, sure.” It was exciting to think about it and even though Kenma did worry about whether he was really ready to join an actual competition, he knew that he’d regret it if he didn’t give it a shot. He got off the chair and went to retrieve his guitar. “See you in a bit,” he said, smiling as he walked onto the stage.</p><p>For the first time in as long as he could remember, he didn’t feel nervous at all.</p><p>###</p><p>It had been in the middle of Sunday that Kuroo learnt about the competition. It had come from his roommate, to be exact, and it’d started out as a joke about what the two of them could come up with if they entered. But of course, it was only a matter of minutes before Kuroo thought of Kenma and remembered how the singer had mentioned wanting to try joining a competition. And immediately, Kuroo had decided that he was going to tell Kenma all about this and encourage him to participate.</p><p>The competition being a talent search rather than just a singing one made it a little more competitive, given that different types of performances would be competing against each other. In addition, there were only three rounds --- the audition, the semi-finals, and the finals. Only the top five would be advancing to the end and Kuroo did initially worry that it wouldn’t be the best for Kenma, although from how Kenma had readily agreed, it seemed like he wasn’t very put off by that idea. Kenma didn’t sing to win, after all, but for enjoyment. Kuroo believed he’d do just fine.</p><p>While seated facing the stage, Kuroo leaned his back against the table, listening to Kenma’s voice as he’d missed for the past few days. It was strange that they’d met for a bit less than a week, but Kuroo was already determined to help Kenma as much as he could. He watched with a silent smile as Kenma continued with song after song until he made a quick bow and left the stage, returning to Kuroo.</p><p>“How was it?” the singer asked, beginning to pack his instrument.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled lightly. “You know my answer.”</p><p>Kenma smiled, taking a seat beside Kuroo as he had before. “I guess I do.”</p><p>“So what do you want to do tonight?” Kuroo asked, looking at the clock. It wasn’t that late yet and he was pretty sure neither of them would be sleeping anytime soon. “We could---”</p><p>“My dorm,” Kenma said, looking at Kuroo dead in the eye.</p><p>Kuroo’s head snapped in Kenma’s direction. “...What?”</p><p>“I mean, I’d like to start writing a new song for the auditions and I thought maybe you’d like to be there when I do it,” Kenma elaborated, staring down at his guitar case on the ground. “Shouyou won’t be around because he’s at his friend’s again.”</p><p><i>Tetsurou, you idiot.</i> Kuroo mentally slapped himself and nodded gingerly, getting off the chair. “Let’s go?” he asked, to which Kenma nodded and took his case.</p><p>As the two left the bar and walked side by side on the street, Kuroo’s mind was filled with screaming thoughts about how he was going to Kenma’s dormitory room for the second time, and it wasn’t even an accident anymore. It was honestly nothing and Kuroo knew that it didn’t mean anything more than him helping Kenma with his songs, about there was a strange feeling in him that was way too excited to be with Kenma.</p><p>He sighed in frustration, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He’d never had this feeling before, but he looked forward to spending time with Kenma. Somehow, being with Kenma was different. It felt relaxing, as if whenever Kenma was there, Kuroo couldn’t remember his frustrations in life anymore. Shrugging it off, he dismissed it as him just being an overly social person. Even if Kuroo knew that wasn’t true.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” he heard the singer ask, voice laced with concern. “You look deep in thought.”</p><p>There was no way Kuroo was going to say it straight to Kenma's face that he had been thinking about him too much, so he shook his head quickly. “Just thinking about...college stuff,” he lied, averting his eyes immediately after.</p><p>Kenma didn’t seem to believe him, but he merely shrugged and continued walking. The rest of the walk back was spent in silence and they eventually reached the room.</p><p>Kuroo walked in tentatively after Kenma unlocked the door. “Make yourself comfortable,” Kenma said as he climbed onto his bed and sat leaning against the headboard. Kuroo awkwardly stood at the end of the bed, not sure if he should get on even though he did remember that he’d slept there just a few nights ago. Kenma looked at him for a few seconds and then shifted to one side of his bed, inviting Kuroo to sit beside him. “We haven’t got all night,” he said.</p><p>Kuroo nodded and got over, crossing his legs as he watched Kenma take out his guitar. “So do you have any ideas yet?” he asked curiously.</p><p>Kenma shook his head. “It usually comes to me as I go,” he explained. He began to tune his guitar and Kuroo remained as silent as he could. Once he was done, Kenma strummed a chord and let the sound fill the room. “G major,” Kenma remarked as he ran his thumb down the strings, letting each one of them echo their individual pitches. “One of the most commonly used keys, but I think it’ll do for now.”</p><p>Kuroo could only nod. He didn’t have musical knowledge outside of what had been thought in high school. “When did you learn to play?” he asked all of a sudden as he listened to Kenma attempting to piece together some chords. He’d wondered that for a long time but he’d never gotten the chance to ask. Kenma’s parents didn’t seem to support him in music, so Kuroo was guessing he’d never gotten music lessons.</p><p>“Sometime early in high school,” Kenma said with a small shrug. “I tried it out in music classes and I liked it, so I started learning the chords online.” His fingers travelled nimbly across the fingerboard. “It wasn’t easy at first and I got quite a lot of blisters but it got better as I kept practicing.” Kenma wore a small smile as he spoke.</p><p>“I’ve thought of trying it out,” Kuroo admitted. “Playing the guitar, I mean.”</p><p>Kenma looked at him curiously, stopping his strumming. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I never really got the chance.”</p><p>“Do you still want to learn it now?” Kenma asked, pursing his lips as if thinking about something.</p><p>Kuroo thought for a while, then nodded. “Why not? If I ever got the time, I might try it out.”</p><p>There was a brief moment of silence, then Kenma shifted on the bed to in front of Kuroo, holding his guitar to the second year. Kuroo stared at him blankly, not moving at all. “Try it,” Kenma insisted.</p><p>There was no way Kuroo could say no to him. He moved forward slightly on the bed to take over the instrument, holding it in how he’d always seen Kenma do. He didn’t have any experience at all, as much as he’d thought of picking it up. Kenma leaned forward, adjusting Kuroo’s hold on the guitar before taking another look and smiling in satisfaction.</p><p>“Have you learnt any of this before?” Kenma asked, looking expectantly at Kuroo.</p><p>He shook his head. “Unfortunately not.”</p><p>Kenma noticeably bit his lower lip, tilting his head slightly as he looked at Kuroo. “Then I guess I’ll start with the basics,” he finally said. “I’m not exactly the best person to teach you but I’ll try.” He shifted over to beside Kuroo on the side of the fingerboard and reached out to adjust his fingers.</p><p>Kuroo felt a shiver travel through his body at Kenma’s touch. It was warm and light and it gave Kuroo an unusual sensation. <i>Stop getting distracted,</i> he scolded himself. <i>It’s just Kozume Kenma.</i> And that was probably an understatement in itself, because it was the fact that it was <i>Kenma</i> that caused all of it.</p><p>“Try strumming it,” Kenma said, interrupting his thoughts. Kuroo ran his fingertips across the strings, trying to mimic what Kenma often did. The sound came out and travelled through the room, but it wasn’t as fluid as it was when Kenma did it. Kenma shook his head slowly, lifting his other hand to Kuroo’s and moving its position on the sound hole. “Somewhere here,” he mumbled before moving his hand away and telling Kuroo to try again.</p><p>Kuroo strummed the strings similarly to before and the chord filled the room once more, though it sounded a little better than the previous time. Kuroo smiled and looked at Kenma, who still did not look satisfied.</p><p>“It’s not coming out like when I do it,” he lamented with a quiet huff.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled. “Of course it’s not. I’m just a beginner while you’ve been doing this for years.”</p><p>“Still...” Kenma started, pouting as his voice trailed off. He went silent in thought for a while before he started moving again, this time to behind Kuroo. Being the smaller-sized one, he couldn’t reach his arms around Kuroo as he seemingly would have liked to and instead, he settled on the side away from the fingerboard.</p><p>He leaned over, his right arm over Kuroo’s as he held firmly onto his hand and controlled his movement of strumming. For the third time, the room was filled with the sound from the instrument and it was once again only getting better. “Great,” he said with a smile that Kuroo knew was there without looking. He continued to correct Kuroo’s playing, completely oblivious to how red Kuroo’s face was.</p><p>All the while, Kuroo couldn’t seem to get over the fact that Kenma was so physically close to him. He could feel the singer’s breath on his neck and his soft hair brushing against his skin and if he hadn’t been sure of it before, he was now a hundred per cent sure that he, Kuroo Tetsurou, had a huge crush on Kozume Kenma. His face was heating up and he was completely aware of it, but the more he could feel Kenma’s touch against him, the more he found that he couldn’t hide it. Maybe it’d started on the first night, when Kenma had brought him back while he was unconscious. He hadn’t expected anyone to do something like that, and even if Kenma had done it out of pure kindness, it was enough to warm Kuroo’s heart. Part of him wondered if Kenma felt the same, but then it came to mind that they’d only known each other for less than a week and not everyone would fall as easily as him.</p><p>Although, to be exact, Kuroo didn’t actually fall for people easily. It was just Kenma, and <i>only</i> Kenma, that made him like this. In short, Kenma was exactly his type, if he had one. Or maybe, his type was Kenma. That wasn’t a surprise, because there were so many things he found attractive about the singer --- he was kind, hardworking, patient, and undeniably cute, even if he didn’t seem to realise it himself. He felt guilty thinking about this while Kenma was trying to teach him to play the guitar, but his mind kept wandering off and he couldn’t seem to concentrate. Perhaps he’d be better off learning it online, but he wasn’t going to tell the singer that.</p><p>“<i>Kuroo</i>.”</p><p>The second year snapped out of his daze at Kenma saying his name. “What?” he asked. It didn’t come out as a demand but more like a question emerging from a state of confusion --- which was exactly what Kuroo had intended it as. It seemed as if Kenma had called him multiple times and he’d been too distracted to realise it.</p><p>Kenma took the guitar from Kuroo and sat beside him. “You weren’t focused,” he said flatly. “You can’t learn anything if you’re not paying attention.”</p><p>Kuroo looked down in embarrassment. “Sorry,” he mumbled. <i>It’s hard for me to focus if you’re there,</i> he thought, but he kept his thoughts to himself.</p><p>Kenma sighed exasperatedly. “It’s fine,” he said, starting to strum a few chords for himself. Kuroo watched in silence as the singer began to add lyrics to his melody, singing in that voice that had caught Kuroo from the start and turned him into the mess he now was.</p><p>###</p><p>He couldn’t feel the passing of time as the lyrics came to him and the melodies filled his head. He’d gotten a notepad midway and begun scribbling down the words and the chords so that he’d be able to try them out again in the future and possibly make a few changes. Normally, he wouldn’t let anyone be around as he went through this process. But even as Kuroo sat there and watched him, Kenma found that he could still work as well as usual. In fact, Kenma found that he <i>did</i> like having Kuroo there.</p><p>“Done,” he said at a few hours past midnight. He put on a contented smile and turned to Kuroo, only to find that the second year had fallen asleep. With a quiet sigh, Kenma kept his guitar away, folding up the newly written sheet of music. It was difficult to read what he’d written, especially with how he’d scribbled whatever came to his mind and the paper was full of cancellations and messy side notes, but Kenma knew enough to remember what he’d come up with. He crawled to the end of his bed and placed the guitar on the ground, then returned to the headboard where Kuroo was still sitting with his legs crossed, though his head had been thrown back against the board.</p><p>Kenma stared at him for a few more moments, deliberating what he should do. He couldn’t get under his blanket with Kuroo there so he certainly wouldn’t be getting a comfortable rest for the night. He let out a quiet exhale and moved to beside Kuroo. He could hear Kuroo’s slow breathing as he got close enough and Kenma was beyond doubt that he was fast asleep. There was no way he would wake Kuroo up knowing that, so he shifted his body slightly and shut his eyes, letting himself fall sideways and lean his head on Kuroo’s shoulder.</p><p>Hopefully Kuroo wouldn’t mind, since it wasn’t as if they hadn’t fallen asleep like this before. Kenma ran through his latest lyrics in his mind again, trying to get himself to fall asleep. Somewhere along the way, he felt Kuroo’s head turn and rest on top of his. Kenma’s body froze and he was afraid that if he moved too much, he might end up waking Kuroo up. <i>Relax,</i> he told himself, and he tried his best to do just that. Eventually, he fell asleep to the sound of Kuroo’s rhythmic breathing in the quiet room.</p><p>Maybe he would be getting a comfortable rest after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>never have i ever written a song ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. can't help falling in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i've never been in an audition like this HAHAH</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma could feel his heart racing as he stepped into the building. It wasn’t exactly a case of stage fright since there were no more than three judges in the panel and no other audience. But even so, Kenma was feeling unusually nervous. Perhaps it was the pressure, knowing that this wasn’t just another performance but an <i>audition</i> that would determine if he got into the semi-finals.</p><p>“You alright?” Kuroo asked from beside him.</p><p>Kenma tightened his grip on the straps of his guitar case which was slung behind him. “...Yeah,” he said, though he knows he didn’t sound convincing at all. It had been five days since he’d found out about the competition and he’d been preparing ever since then. Still, it was one thing to be practising in front of his friends and another to be performing in front of a panel of judges.</p><p>“Don’t be too worried about it,” Kuroo said with an encouraging smile, having noticed that Kenma seemed very stressed. “Think of it like singing at the bar. In the end, the judges are just people too. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”</p><p>Kenma inhaled sharply and relaxed his body, loosening his grip on the strap. He could feel his body shaking as he took a seat on one of the chairs. There were two people in front of him and he knew that he would be having his turn in a matter of minutes. “What if...” he started, looking down at the ground, “...I don’t get in?”</p><p>Kuroo shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if you get in or not...just that you enjoy yourself.”</p><p>Kenma’s body stiffened. He didn’t want to be eliminated so soon. Not only would he feel like he was letting himself down, he’d also feel as if he was letting Kuroo down, because Kuroo seemed to be anticipating a lot from this. “If I don’t get in,” he asked quietly, “would you still think I’m the best singer you’ve ever known?” Kenma didn’t know when he’d started caring so much, but somewhere along the way, what Kuroo thought began to mean something to him.</p><p>He heard Kuroo let out a quiet sigh. The second year turned his upper body on his seat to face Kenma. He searched for Kenma’s hand and held onto it, squeezing it gently. “Kenma, you will always be the best to me.” Kenma didn’t know when they’d gotten close enough for Kuroo to use his first name, but he found that he liked it. “Just do your best, okay?” Kuroo continued in a gentle voice, giving the singer a small smile.</p><p>Kenma took a deep breath, calming himself down. “Okay,” he finally said, putting on a smile to push his worries away. The next participant had already entered the room, leaving one more before him. He closed his eyes, letting the world fade around him as he found the last few minutes of silence before he’d be in the audition room. <i>You can do this,</i> he told himself. And maybe, he really believed it.</p><p>“State your name in full and what you will be performing,” one of the judges said as soon as Kenma opened the door. From her voice, she seemed rather strict and it didn’t help that Kenma was already shivering uncontrollably. Much to his surprise, he realised that it wasn’t the thought of singing in a competition that he was afraid of, but that he would be singing to people who would be telling him if he was so-called ‘good enough’.</p><p>“Kozume Kenma,” he finally said once he’d found his voice again. He walked awkwardly to in front of the panel and took a seat on the high stool. The set-up of the area felt a little like the bar, minus all the patrons and bar lighting. “I will be singing a song that I wrote.” His voice was quivering, but he did his best to hide it, keeping himself as collected as he could.</p><p>The judge sitting on the left tapped his pen against the surface of the table. “Whenever you’re ready.” Kenma nodded.</p><p><i>Think of it as singing at the bar,</i> he reminded himself. If he could do that in front of a crowd of people, then this was comparably nothing. His fingers hovered over the strings that hung above the sound hole. <i>Relax.</i> With the fingers of his left hand pressing down the strings for a G major chord, he ran his right thumb lightly over the strings. In an instant, the tense silence in the room was replaced by a melodic sound.</p><p>“Whenever you’re ready,” the judge repeated, having noticed Kenma’s hesitation.</p><p>Kenma nodded again, then closed his eyes for a brief moment. The echo of the chord had faded and the room was back to its soundless state. Well, not for long. Kenma opened his eyes slowly as he strummed his first chord, letting his voice take over the room. Then note after note, he continued to sing, almost forgetting that he’d been apprehensive just mere minutes ago. He couldn’t read the expression on the judges’ faces when he was done, but he decided that he <i>did</i> enjoy that few minutes of singing. And if that was the case, then it didn’t matter what those expressions meant.</p><p>###</p><p>“How was it?” Kuroo asked as he saw Kenma walking out of the room.</p><p>Kenma shrugged. “Okay, I guess.” He crouched at the side of the walkway, keeping his guitar in its case while Kuroo watched him from beside.</p><p>“Did they say anything?”</p><p>Kenma shook his head. “Only that the results would be out online sometime at night.”</p><p>“I see,” Kuroo said. He’d checked the time right before Kenma came out and it was early in the evening. “How about we get some dinner now?” There were a few restaurants around the area that Kuroo thought they could check out.</p><p>“Sure,” Kenma said, closing the case and zipping it up. He stood up and slung it behind him. “Let’s go.”</p><p>Kuroo began to walk and Kenma followed. It was around ten minutes of deliberation before they settled on one of the nearby restaurants. Upon entering, they were led to a table for two next to a window. Kenma picked up the menu, looking through it. His expression seemed to change after a while.</p><p>“Something wrong?” Kuroo asked, looking up from the menu he’d been reading.</p><p>Kenma sighed. “Do you think we could go somewhere else?”</p><p>The second year closed the menu. “Is the food not to your liking?”</p><p>Kenma seemed hesitant to answer, but eventually turned his menu to show Kuroo what he meant. “It’s not that...but I don’t think I can afford to eat here,” he explained. Kuroo looked at what was written on the page and found that the food was slightly more expensive than other restaurants.</p><p>He smiled and shook his head. “My treat,” he said, turning the menu in Kenma’s hands so the first year was looking at it again. “Don’t worry about the money.” He didn’t entertain Kenma’s protests and continued reading the menu.</p><p>“<i>Kuroo,</i> I’ll feel bad if you pay for my meal,” Kenma continued, placing a huge emphasis on Kuroo’s name. He did look serious when he spoke and Kuroo didn’t want to put him in a tough spot.</p><p>“How about this,” Kuroo said with a quiet sigh, “you can repay me by coming to my dorm tonight.”</p><p>“...What?”</p><p>“With Shouyou, I mean,” Kuroo added quickly. “Bokuto has been asking when you’re coming over again so I thought you could come over tonight and bring your roommate too because he seems like he’d get along with mine.”</p><p>“Oh,” Kenma said after a short pause. “Alright.”</p><p>Kuroo smiled. “Great.”</p><p>###</p><p>“Shouyou,” Kenma said, entering the dormitory room. “Are you free tonight?”</p><p>His roommate tilted his head to stare at the ceiling, as if pondering the question deeply. Finally, he looked back at Kenma. “Yeah, I think so. Why?”</p><p>Taking a seat at the edge of his bed, Kenma sighed. “Kuroo asked if I could come over tonight and bring you along. He says you’d get along with his roommate and to be honest, I think so too.”</p><p>“Really?” Shouyou said, sounding excited to be meeting someone new.</p><p>Kenma nodded. “He said to be there by ten.”</p><p>Shouyou grinned. Kenma couldn’t understand how he was anticipating something like that so much, but perhaps that was just how Shouyou was.</p><p>The two of them arrived outside Kuroo’s room at ten sharp. Kenma knocked lightly on the door, which was opened after a few seconds. “Hey,” Kuroo said with a smile as he moved aside for them to enter.</p><p>Kenma smiled. “Hey.” He looked around the room, trying to figure out if anyone else was around, which of course, Bokuto was.</p><p>“Hello Kuroo-san! Nice to meet you! I’m Hinata Shouyou,” the bubbly first-year held out his hand to Kuroo, who shook it. Shouyou bounced away and went further into the room, where he started a conversation with Bokuto that Kenma couldn’t hear.</p><p>Kuroo watched them in silence for a while before he walked over to take a seat on his bed and Kenma followed him. “So what are we gonna do tonight?” Kenma asked, leaning against one of the pillows lining the headboard. He’d used to feel awkward here, but now it didn’t feel like anything foreign anymore, even if he’d only been here once before.</p><p>The second year shrugged. “Bokuto wanted to watch a movie, but he looks like he’s gonna be talking to your roommate for quite a while.”</p><p>Kenma smiled. “Yeah.”</p><p>“So are the audition results out yet?” Kuroo asked curiously.</p><p>Kenma was reminded that he still didn’t know the results, so he took out his phone and visited the website where the results were to be published. His eyes scanned the page, only to find that the results were yet to be posted. He sighed. “Not yet.” Even though it didn’t exactly matter <i>that</i> much to him, he still hoped that he’d at least make it past the auditions.</p><p>“It’ll probably be out soon,” Kuroo remarked, giving Kenma a gentle pat on the back. He didn’t seem to put much emphasis on the results and that made Kenma a little relieved. But in the end, Kuroo wasn’t the one competing. Kuroo seemed to have noticed Kenma’s unease and suggested, “How about we watch a movie first? The results will probably be out after.”</p><p>Kenma bit his lip gently and nodded.</p><p>“We can start the movie now,” Kuroo called to Bokuto, who stopped his conversation with Shouyou.</p><p>Bokuto smiled widely. “Great!” He went over to the television and turned it on, looking through the selection of movies available. “What do you wanna watch?” he asked, his question directed at everyone in the room.</p><p>Shouyou rushed over to beside him and started looking through the options too. “What genre is the best?” he wondered out loud, causing the others to shrug. “How ‘bout something exciting? Like a thriller or something?”</p><p>Kenma could see Kuroo flinch beside him. The singer raised an eye at him, wondering if something was wrong. “A thriller?” Bokuto asked, his eyes still on the screen.</p><p>“I’m fine with whatever,” the singer said. He wasn’t particularly a movie person and he didn’t usually spend his time watching them. Beside him, Kuroo remained completely silent.</p><p>After what seemed like a long time, Bokuto set up the movie and returned to his bed as it started to play. He and Shouyou were sitting at the edge of his bed, looking as though they were inching closer and closer to the screen every moment. Kenma had no idea what movie they’d selected, but he wasn’t against anything so it would be fine. Kuroo, on the other hand, looked slightly disturbed. He’d backed into the pillows and pulled his legs closer, making Kenma wonder if something was wrong.</p><p>Kenma nudged Kuroo gently and he flinched. Something wasn’t right and Kenma knew that. “...Are you okay?” he asked, to which Kuroo nodded quickly.</p><p>“Maybe just a bit tired,” Kuroo said, though Kenma was sure that people didn’t get overly tense when they were tired.</p><p>The movie began to play on the screen and the sound filled the room. As the title appeared on the screen, Kenma found that he’d heard of the movie before. It was one of those popular thrillers at one point in time that was also at the verge of becoming a horror movie. He hadn’t watched it before, though. He kept his eyes on the screen as the scenes began to play out.</p><p>The tension and suspense thickened as the plot built itself up. Kenma had to admit that filmography was impressive and it almost felt like he was in the situation itself. There were bits of symbolism in the various scenes and what made the movie a good one to Kenma was that it wasn’t just horror without a plot. There hadn’t been a jumpscare yet and what really made it classify under a thriller rather than a horror movie was the way there wasn’t an outright scare tactic but things seemed to be going wrong, leaving the audience of the movie wondering what exactly was the cause of the strange occurrences.</p><p>Of course, there were still scenes that seemed to be leading to a jumpscare. Honestly, Kenma didn’t feel bothered by that at all. Somehow, he kept his eyes glued to the screen even as he knew what was coming. Chances were that he wouldn’t even flinch at the scare. Kuroo seemed to be the complete opposite, however. He kept shifting on the bed and the noise started getting to Kenma. The singer turned to look at Kuroo to see if he needed anything, only to find the second year staring at him.</p><p>Kenma stared back for a few seconds, then opened his mouth enough to speak in a voice only audible to Kuroo. “You aren’t watching the movie.” It was just a fact, but saying it out loud got Kenma thinking about possible explanations and after a few seconds, he settled on one. “...Are you scared?”</p><p>Kuroo seemed to snap out of whatever daze he’d been in, if he’d been in one at all. He smiled, clearly half-heartedly, and shook his head. “No.” It didn’t sound convincing at all.</p><p>“...If you say so,” Kenma said, raising an eye at him. He was pretty sure he knew the real answer, but Kuroo didn’t look as if he wanted to admit it. Kenma didn’t know what to do but to move closer to Kuroo, the side of his body pressed gently against Kuroo’s.</p><p>Immediately, he felt Kuroo tug lightly onto his arm, pulling him closer. Kenma let him do it. He turned back to the movie just as the jumpscare took place. Still, it didn’t falter him. Kenma was never the kind who got scared easily by those kinds of things. What did make him a little curious was how Kuroo seemingly hadn’t watched the scare and instead, he’d just been holding onto Kenma and looking at him.</p><p>“Kuroo?” he said softly, tilting his head up to look at him.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>Kenma couldn’t figure out what to say about the situation, so he fumbled for Kuroo’s hand and interlaced their fingers, leaning his head to the side so it was resting against the side of Kuroo’s shoulder. “...Don’t be scared,” he said quietly after a while. “Nothing can happen to you if I’m here.”</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma’s words send a fluttery feeling through Kuroo’s body. He didn’t know what had gotten into him that made him hold Kenma close like that, but the fact that Kenma hadn’t pulled away even until now, and had even come closer, made him think that maybe Kenma liked him in a non-platonic way. Or maybe he was just overthinking.</p><p>His stupid crush on the singer had been bothering him ever since he’d come to the realisation. Even just like this with Kenma trying to comfort him, he was trying his best to keep calm and to pretend this was nothing, even if it was an indescribable lot to him. Not only had Kenma not made fun of him for being afraid, he’d tried to make him feel better as well. He was so sweet and the more Kuroo looked at him, the more he had the urge to lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead.</p><p>“Thank you,” he finally found enough of his voice to say, though it was still barely audible. He lifted his head a little to peek at the screen before looking away again, deciding he wasn’t going to let himself get any nightmares that night. While turned away, he could still hear the sounds and the suspenseful music, but they didn’t affect him as much as the visuals did. He could see the screen reflected lightly off Kenma’s pupils as the singer stared intently at the screen. Kuroo smiled silently, tightening his fingers between Kenma’s.</p><p>He didn’t know when the movie ended, but somewhere along the way, he drifted asleep. He only woke up when he felt a gentle nudge and when he opened his eyes, he found that his head was leaning against Kenma’s and he’d practically been cuddling up to him unintentionally. He immediately put some distance between them, his face turning to a bright red that was hidden in the semi-dark room. “You fell asleep,” Kenma stated out loud, looking surprised.</p><p>Kuroo shrugged, still avoiding eye contact. “Yeah, I guess I did.” Given that he hadn’t been paying attention to the movie in the first place, it wasn’t that unimaginable. The lights had been switched off, after all, and he was on his bed.</p><p>Kenma smiled in a teasing way. “First time I’ve seen someone falling asleep watching a thriller.”</p><p>“Hmph.” Kuroo pursed his lips and turned away, where he caught sight of Bokuto and Shouyou talking enthusiastically about the movie. They’d indeed hit it off so well that they seemed like they’d been best friends for the longest time.</p><p>“Results are out,” Kenma’s voice came from behind him, harbouring a tinge of surprise. Kuroo instantly turned back to him, leaning closer to look at the results on his phone. Kenma pressed a few buttons and arrived at a part of the website listing the semi-finalists. His eyes scanned the list and so did Kuroo’s. Kenma’s name wasn’t on the first out of two pages and Kuroo felt his heart skip a beat. He knew how much singing meant to Kenma and as much as his feelings towards Kenma would never change because of the results, he did want Kenma to be pleased with his own performance.</p><p>Kenma clicked the arrow to the second page and both their eyes travelled the screen once more. “There!” Kuroo exclaimed as he caught the words ‘Kozume Kenma’ near the bottom, three names above the last. There wasn’t an order to which the names were displayed and it was a huge relief to Kuroo that Kenma had gotten in. “You did it,” he said with a smile.</p><p>Kenma smiled too. “Yeah, I guess I did.” Much to Kuroo’s surprise, the singer shifted closer to him and hugged him loosely. “Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re the one who got in, there’s no need to thank me,” Kuroo said quietly as he slowly wrapped his arms around Kenma’s lower body, hugging him back. He rested his chin on Kenma’s shoulder with his mouth next to Kenma’s ear. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a brief moment. The singer said nothing, only tightening his arms around Kuroo.</p><p>“Kenma!” Shouyou said, bopping onto Kuroo’s bed next to Kenma. “You got in?”</p><p>Kenma looked at him and smiled. “Yeah.”</p><p>By then, Bokuto had come over too. “Congrats!” he and Shouyou said at the same time.</p><p>“Tha---”</p><p>Before Kenma could finish speaking, they’d somehow ended up in a group hug. “Tell me when the semi-finals are, okay?” Shouyou said with a huge grin on his face. “I’d love to go and watch!”</p><p>Kuroo watched as Kenma nodded and showed Shouyou the results upon request. “Hey bro.” Kuroo turned around at Bokuto’s voice in a hushed whisper that the others couldn’t hear. Bokuto pulled him to the side of the bed for a while as if he had some secret that he didn’t want the guests to know. “Are the two of you going out?”</p><p>Kuroo stared at him blankly. “...Hah?”</p><p>“You and Kenma,” Bokuto said, sounding as if it’d been obvious enough. “You’re dating, aren’t you?”</p><p>Kuroo’s face immediately turned red and he waved his arms frantically in front of him. Thank goodness Kenma and his roommate didn’t seem to have noticed. “No! Why would you think that?” And he really didn’t need to ask, for the moment he finished speaking, he could think of a hundred reasons why anyone would think he and Kenma were more than friends. He sighed. “Actually, don’t answer that.”</p><p>Bokuto chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t think you need me to tell you.” His face turned a little serious. “But really, anyone would have thought the two of you were together, especially from how...” --- he gestured dramatically to where the two of them had been seated during the movie --- “...<i>close</i> the two of you are.”</p><p>Kuroo felt himself shrinking into the headboard. “...Yeah.” He didn’t know if Kenma had noticed it or if the singer had just dismissed it as nothing. That would be good in the sense that he wasn’t explicitly making Kenma uncomfortable, but it also wouldn’t be ideal to Kuroo because he <i>did</i> want more with Kenma than just that.</p><p>“Maybe you should ask him out,” Bokuto said, sounding completely sure of himself.</p><p>Kuroo nearly choked. “We’ve only known each other for slightly more than a week...what makes you think he’d agree?”</p><p>His roommate shrugged. “I didn’t say I thought he would agree,” he said, “just that if you like him, you should tell him.”</p><p>“You make it sound easier than it is,” Kuroo said with a quiet huff. It wasn’t telling Kenma about it that made him anxious, but it was what would come <i>after</i>. What if Kenma thought he was weird and didn’t want to be friends anymore? Kuroo knew that Kenma didn’t have many people by his side other than Shouyou and now him, so if he was gone, he didn’t know what would happen to Kenma. He wasn’t exactly very comfortable with the idea of Kenma walking alone from the bar at close to midnight.</p><p>Bokuto smiled “You’ll never know till you asked.” Somehow, Kuroo decided that Bokuto’s words made sense.</p><p>###</p><p>“We should be going soon,” Kenma stated as he glanced at the time on his phone.</p><p>Shouyou nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>Kenma wasn’t thrilled to be leaving so soon, but it was nearing midnight and they did have to go back to their room. He turned to Kuroo, who was having a conversation with Bokuto. “Kuroo,” he said loudly, enough for the second year to look at him, “Shouyou and I need to go.” There was a distinct apprehension in his voice.</p><p>Kuroo looked away, seeming disappointed. “Oh,” he said quietly, as if he’d suddenly remembered that they couldn’t stay forever. Then a few seconds later, he turned quickly in Kenma’s direction. “Can I talk to you privately?” he asked in a small voice, as though he was unsure of himself.</p><p>Kenma blinked. “...Yeah, of course.” He was curious about what Kuroo had to say. He followed Kuroo off the bed to the entrance of the room where the others couldn’t hear them. “What is it?” he asked, tilting his head up to look at Kuroo.</p><p>“Do you...have you...I...” Kuroo started, stumbling on his words. “...Are you taken?”</p><p>“Taken?” Kenma stared at him dead in the eye. What was with that question?</p><p>“I mean, do you have a---”</p><p>“No,” Kenma interrupted. “I know what that means.” He paused for a while before he continued. “And no, I’m not. Why do you ask?” He did have a hunch on where this conversation was headed, but he wanted to hear it from Kuroo himself.</p><p>“I...wanted to ask...” Kuroo’s voice shrank and eventually died off.</p><p>Kenma shook his head and sighed. “Ask what?” he asked, his voice hiding a tinge of a demand. He didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but he couldn’t understand why Kuroo was beating around the bush. If he’d really asked, didn’t he know what Kenma’s answer would be?</p><p>Kuroo seemed as if he wanted to back away, like he’d changed his mind about whatever this was. But with Kenma looking at him so intently, imploring him to continue, it wouldn’t be easy to dismiss everything and pretend it never happened. “Will you go out with me?” he finally asked in a rushed voice, his words nearly blended together.</p><p>Kenma’s stony look was replaced by a small smile though he tried to remain as expressionless as he could. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Really?” Kuroo asked, his eyes widening in disbelief.</p><p>“...Yeah.”</p><p>Kuroo reached out and pulled Kenma into a tight hug. There were no more words exchanged, but if there was a time when actions spoke louder than words, it was now. Kenma slowly raised his arms to hug Kuroo back.</p><p>“Kenma!” he heard Shouyou’s voice as the first year appeared behind them. “Are you---” He cut himself off at the sight. “Sorry for interrupting,” he said hurriedly, a smile audible in his voice.</p><p>Kuroo released Kenma. “I guess you do need to leave,” he said with a reluctant smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe?”</p><p>Kenma nodded. “Text me about it.” Maybe he wouldn’t admit it and maybe he’d keep his smiles silently to himself, but a small part of him had been waiting for this. He’d felt a lot less alone since he’d met Kuroo and he wouldn’t mind having something more with him. “See you soon,” he said, dropping his arms to his side. He was most certainly looking forward to what was to come.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>halfway there hehe</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. something just like this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>enjoy the peace while it lasts :')</p><p>
  <s>ajdklasjdklas i get anxious every time i post a new chapter</s>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week passed by in a flash with the two of them often meeting up, nearly every day, for Kenma to write songs and Kuroo to give his feedback, or just to hang out and chill. Even though Kuroo had asked Kenma out and Kenma had agreed, it didn’t change too much between them. The day after had been like any other before and they’d gone out for breakfast before returning to Kenma’s room for him to write his songs. They remained as close or a little bit more, yet not seemingly getting drastically closer. Nevertheless, neither of them minded that --- because if they had each other, then what could go wrong?</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma slumped his back against the wall and slid down till he was seated. “I can’t do this,” he said. It wasn’t clear from his voice who he was trying to say that to, he was sure Kuroo could tell that he was having last-minute regrets.</p><p>The singer had made it to the semi-finals of the talent competition, but as he’d stepped into the auditorium and caught a glimpse of the hundreds of people who’d come to watch, he was beginning to have second thoughts. He was a singer at a bar and never had he ever faced such a huge audience. There were at least five times as many people in the auditorium as in the bar and that made it daunting enough for him to want to turn and walk out of the auditorium as quickly as he could.</p><p>“What do you mean you can’t?” Kuroo asked gently, lowering himself to sit beside Kenma. He didn’t sound like he was in disbelief or like he was looking down on Kenma, but more as if he was concerned and wanted to know if something was wrong.</p><p>With his guitar in its case beside him, Kenma pulled his knees to his chest, staring at the floor. He could hear the other qualifiers beside him practising their performances. They all seemed so professional and prepared that it only made Kenma feel worse about himself. He was starting to wonder why he’d even come here in the first place --- could he really compare to them? “I’m scared,” he said. He wasn’t sure if that word had the accurate meaning or degree of what he was feeling, but it was the only thing he could think of. “I’ve never performed in front of so many people before.”</p><p>Kuroo took Kenma’s hand, shifting closer to him. “You’ll do fine,” he whispered, placing a light kiss on Kenma’s right temple. “I believe in you.” Kenma leaned his head against Kuroo’s body, not saying a word. He could still feel his heart beating rapidly and an empty feeling in his stomach. “There are five more people before you,” Kuroo continued, snaking an arm around Kenma’s shoulders and pulling him closer. Noticing that Kenma still seemed as anxious as before, he added, “To make it to the semi-finals is already a huge achievement, so just go out there and sing...don’t worry about the results.”</p><p>Kenma hummed quietly in response. He couldn’t completely disregard the fact that this was a competition though, especially when it would be broadcasted on the local television channel. Shouyou and Bokuto had come to watch as well, and Kenma felt obliged to do well so that they wouldn’t be coming for nothing.</p><p>Kuroo retracted his arm from around Kenma and stood up. “I’ll let you prepare for your performance,” he said with an encouraging smile, standing about a metre away while Kenma finally started setting up his guitar.</p><p>It was nerve-wracking to think that he would be performing for such a large audience and every small mistake would likely be noticed. He sighed. Just the thought of that was enough to falter his concentration and cause him to mess up on the tuning of a few strings, which he had to retune over and over until they were pitch-perfect. His fingers were stiff, courtesy of the powerful air conditioning in the backstage waiting room. He could feel himself shivering due to the cold and it wasn’t easy to strum the strings like that. Deciding it wasn’t an option to stay there and continue feeling his fingers numb and freezing, he stood up.</p><p>“You okay?” Kuroo asked from beside him, leaning against the wall with his arms folded.</p><p>Kenma nodded. “Just a little cold.”</p><p>Kuroo took off his hoodie and passed it to Kenma. “Don’t catch a cold,” he said as the singer took the jacket, hugging it to his chest.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma said with a small smile, “I’ll go wash my hands and hopefully warm my fingers up.” He glanced around at the signs and walked in what he believed was the right direction, which thankfully, was.</p><p>The bathroom was empty when he entered and he was glad that he had the calm atmosphere to himself. He slipped Kuroo’s hoodie over his body and looked in the mirror. He didn’t look professional at all like that, especially with how it was greatly oversized and he appeared to be drowning in it. Still, it was comfortable and it smelled like Kuroo, making it feel like he was there with Kenma. The singer decided that was more important than looking presentable for the competition.</p><p>Rolling up the sleeves that covered his entire hand, he turned on the tap and let his hands remain under the warm running water for half a minute. It felt refreshing and he didn’t feel as cold anymore, but he did know that the cold would likely return once his fingers left the water. He retracted his hands quickly to dry them with a paper towel before letting the sleeves of the hoodie fall over them again and shoving his hands into the huge pocket.</p><p>“Feeling better?” Kuroo asked as Kenma returned. He looked at the singer who was now wearing his hoodie that looked way too big on him and a visible blush crept up his face.</p><p>Kenma looked away. “Yeah.” He crouched next to his guitar in its case and took it out, turning to sit with his back against the wall. “How many more people are there?” he asked as he strummed a few key chords of his performance piece.</p><p>Kuroo went silent for a while, counting with his fingers. “One more before you, if I’m not wrong.”</p><p>The singer felt his body stiffen. He rubbed his hands together to generate heat, warming up his fingers again. The sleeves of the hoodie were in the way of his playing, so he rolled them up slightly to the middle of his forearms. From the corner of his eye, he noticed another person walking onto the stage. He bit his lip. There was only one before him, so that meant that he was now officially the first in line to be on stage.</p><p>Kuroo seemed to have made the same observation. “It’s alright,” he assured Kenma in a hushed voice. “Take a deep breath and relax.” Kenma nodded, though he wasn’t sure he could be relaxed at the moment. His mind was filled with the sight of the auditorium full of people and all the eyes on him.</p><p>Kenma saw a quick motion in front of his eyes and looked up to see Kuroo waving a hand in front of the singer’s face. “What?” Kenma asked, wondering if something was wrong.</p><p>“Your face is pale,” Kuroo said, stating an observation that anyone in the room would have been able to make. Even without a mirror, Kenma could tell that Kuroo wasn’t exaggerating.</p><p>“I...there’s so many people...what if they...I don’t know...” Kenma couldn’t find the right words to string together his thoughts. Perhaps it was the idea of performing to a huge group of strangers who would be watching and silently judging him, unlike the patrons at the bar who were there to enjoy the music.</p><p>Kuroo lowered himself in front of Kenma, reaching out to tilt his head up with two fingers so that he was looking into Kenma’s eyes. The singer tried to turn away, but Kuroo wouldn’t let him. “Look at me, Kenma,” he said firmly, to which Kenma unwillingly complied. “I’ll be watching you from the backstage the whole time, so don’t focus on singing to the judges and the audience.” He paused for a while and leaned forward, closing the distance between them in a chaste kiss. “Sing to me,” he said between quiet breaths, lifting his lips off Kenma’s.</p><p>Kenma could feel his face heating up. That was the first time they’d kissed, though it seemed appropriate at that time. “Okay,” he said, his voice barely audible. <i>Forget the stage,</i> he told himself. <i>Forget the judges, forget the audience.</i> If he could return his mind to the bar, to him singing to Kuroo amongst the crowd, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.</p><p>“Kozume Kenma?” one of the stage crew dressed in a formal suit appeared from the backstage entrance and called into the waiting room.</p><p>Kenma looked up. “...Here.”</p><p>The man looked down at his clipboard, then back at Kenma. “You’re up next. Get your things and come over here.” He turned and disappeared backstage.</p><p>Kuroo stood up and Kenma did the same once he’d taken his instrument. He checked himself in the mirror and though he looked rather sloppy in the hoodie, he decided that it didn’t matter that much. It was a talent competition after all, not a fashion show. He looked at Kuroo, who gave him a soft smile. Kenma smiled back and took a deep breath. Then he headed backstage.</p><p>He hadn’t been backstage before, other than that time he’d helped out with the stage lights in his high school’s theatre performance. It was dark and the light peeking through the curtains from the stage were hardly able to light the way. Kenma took cautious steps towards the same member of the stage crew who was waiting for him, making sure not to trip on any wires around. He could hear the applause coming from the performance area and it was clear that it would be his turn after the few minutes of the judges’ commentary. His body tensed and his grip on the neck of his guitar tightened.</p><p>“You okay there?” the man asked.</p><p>Kenma nodded, reminding himself in his head to relax. There were hundreds of people in the auditorium and the worst possible thing he could possibly do at this point was freak out and stumble in his performance. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m fine.” Maybe if he told himself enough times, he’d believe it.</p><p>The man looked sceptical about his response, but he shrugged it off. “Just walk out there confidently and do your thing,” he said, taking a few steps to look past the curtains and to the stage, where the performer had received her feedback and was preparing to exit the stage.</p><p>Kenma could feel his heart racing again as the woman started walking towards where he was. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. He relaxed the fingers of his hand that wasn’t holding the guitar and let a shiver travel through his body.</p><p>“All the best,” the previous performer said as she walked past him. He silently thanked her as another member of the stage crew nudged him and instructed him to walk onto the stage. Kenma resisted the urge to quit and lifted his foot, taking small but steady steps towards the chair that had been set for him in the centre of the stage.</p><p>Compared to backstage, the stage was bright and he could see the spotlights shining onto the centre where he’d be performing. The judges were the same as in the auditions and were seated at a table in front of the middle sector of the auditorium. His eyes made a quick scan of the crowd and noticing Shouyou and Bokuto waving at him, he couldn’t help but smile. The audience had their eyes on him and not wanting to make himself more self-conscious, he lowered his gaze to where the judges were and stared at the front of their table.</p><p>“Kozume Kenma, is that right?” one of the judges asked, looking at a piece of paper in front of her. “Please state your act before you begin.”</p><p>“I will be s-singing an o-original song,” he said, tripping unintentionally on his words. It wasn’t that he was afraid, although he had to admit that did play a small part, but his body was trembling and it was hard to get a fluid sentence out. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. He tried to convince himself that it was just like the audition, that the other people in the auditorium didn’t matter and it was just him and a few people. Of course, it wasn’t as easy as those pieces of advice online. He exhaled quietly.</p><p>“Alright, you may begin when you are ready,” the same judge said, looking intently at him and waiting for him to start.</p><p>If Kenma were to be completely honest, it wasn’t a good idea to say something like that to him. He was never really ready to sing, just that he always got over the initial nerves and started anyway. And it was pretty implicit that he’d have to do that now. He reached out to the microphone which was on a stand and adjusted it towards the soundhole of his guitar. The set-up was similar to the one at the bar, so it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to. Ignoring the silence in the auditorium, he rolled his sleeves up a little more and raised his fingers to the board, his other hand ready to strum the first chord.</p><p>Almost on instinct, he took a glance backstage, where he saw Kuroo looking at him with a smile and his arm raised to give Kenma a thumbs up. Kenma smiled and turned to look back at the fingerboard of his guitar. Yes, he was performing for hundreds of people in a talent competition where he’d be judged and told if he was good enough to be amongst the best. But if there was one thing Kenma knew, it was that he wasn’t alone.</p><p>And perhaps, that was really enough.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma’s voice filled the auditorium, travelling even backstage to where Kuroo was. Amidst the mess of equipment in the dark, Kuroo watched, smiling silently to himself. He’d persuaded the stage crew to let him backstage so he could watch Kenma, since there was no way he’d make it to the audience in time and he also wanted to be there waiting for Kenma once it was over.</p><p>Watching Kenma singing and listening to that breathtaking voice sent him back to the first time he’d heard the singer, when he’d been drunk and locked out of his dormitory room. Maybe that was when he started falling for Kenma, though all Kuroo knew was that it’d happened somewhere along the way. Even though it’d only been a few weeks, Kenma had come far from where he’d started and to see him out on stage singing in the semi-finals made Kuroo feel proud of him.</p><p>The judges seemed impressed by his performance from how they had stopped looking at the papers on the table and were paying full attention to the singer. The audience looked like they were enjoying it too and even if Kenma couldn't see it now while he was focused on his performance, Kuroo was definitely going to tell him about it later.</p><p>As much as he wouldn’t admit, Kuroo had been worried that Kenma might mess up when he’d been a bundle of nerves just before going onto stage. But now, he’d realised that he’d been worried for nothing. The moment Kenma had started singing, he seemed to have forgotten it was a competition and he’d become completely absorbed in his own music. Maybe it was the moment it started that got him into the flow and once it’d started, he was numb to the feeling of fear.</p><p>“You know him?” a woman standing beside him asked, watching Kenma’s performance as well. It wasn’t a yes or no question, but she seemed to be asking how they knew each other.</p><p>“My boyfriend,” Kuroo said with a proud smile. Linking those two words with Kenma had sounded amazing in his head, but even better out loud. “He’s good, isn’t he?”</p><p>The woman nodded. “Quite a natural.” She didn’t seem to be part of the stage crew and Kuroo didn’t know why she was there, but she was dressed in a formal dress and seemed like someone of an important status in relation to the competition. “I think he’d do well in a record label.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kuroo agreed.</p><p>“I’m actually one of the managers in a record label,” the woman continued, to which Kuroo turned to look at her with his eyes wide open. The woman smiled knowingly. “I’m here to scout for some new talent, if that’s what you were wondering.”</p><p>Kuroo’s mind immediately went to Kenma. “Really?”</p><p>The woman nodded. “We’ll be waiting until the end of the competition, though.”</p><p>Kuroo’s first thought was that maybe Kenma could be scouted and possibly taken in by a record label. That would be great, and from the conversations he’d had with the singer, it was also something Kenma had wanted to try out for a while. One problem, however, was that the woman had mentioned about them waiting till the end of the competition, meaning that they’d be likely picking people from the finals. If that was the case, then Kenma would have to get into the finals to be chosen. Kuroo decided he wasn’t going to tell Kenma about it until he found out for himself, if he ever did, because in the end, Kuroo didn’t want to stress Kenma out with more pressure for selections.</p><p>He heard Kenma’s voice fade off along with the last chord and the auditorium erupted in applause. He could see a smile on Kenma’s face and he felt his heart flutter. It was a genuine smile, and Kenma looked more satisfied than he’d ever been after a performance. Kuroo fought the urge to run onto stage and hug him.</p><p>The judges’ voices echoed around as the three of them began to comment on the performance. Kuroo wasn’t really paying attention since he’d been looking at Kenma more than anything, but he did hear one of the judges say that it was one of the best performances she’d seen thus far. Other than one of them telling Kenma to sound more confident of himself, all the other comments were positive encouragement. Of course, it didn’t mean that much yet because the panel seemed to be a rather kind one that didn’t criticise anyone too harshly, from what Kuroo had seen of the previous performances on the television in the waiting room. But it was still better than nothing. Kenma seemed pleased with himself, and that was what mattered most to Kuroo.</p><p>Minutes later, the singer walked off the stage to where Kuroo was. “How was it?” he asked as the next qualifier walked past them onto the stage.</p><p>Kuroo smiled. “What do you think?” The two of them began walking back to the waiting room, where Kuroo had asked one of the stage crew to help look after Kenma’s guitar case. “You were <i>amazing</i>. Did you see how the judges were looking at you? Everyone seemed really impressed.”</p><p>Kemna poked him gently with a playful smile. “Don’t need to exaggerate.”</p><p>“I’m not exaggerating!” Kuroo argued. He wrapped an arm around Kenma’s shoulders, contemplating whether or not to mention the record label. He had a strong urge to tell Kenma about it, but then he remembered that he still didn’t know if Kenma was in the finals and even though he believed in Kenma’s ability, he didn’t want to give him false hope.</p><p>“Hmph,” Kenma huffed as he began to keep his instrument, with Kuroo standing against the wall beside him. “If you say so.”</p><p>“So when will the results be out?” Kuroo asked. He hadn’t been to a competition as such before and he didn’t know how the selections and qualifying worked.</p><p>“There’s a public vote once all the performances are over,” Kenma explained, closing the case and standing up. “So I wouldn’t know until tonight when the results are published online.” He started walking towards the exit and Kuroo followed beside him.</p><p>“I see,” Kuroo said thoughtfully. “So what should we do now?”</p><p>The singer shrugged. “I saw Shouyou and Bokuto in the crowd and I was thinking that we could have dinner with them?”</p><p>“Sure.” Kuroo nodded as they pushed the doors of the room open and headed to the foyer of the auditorium.</p><p>It was silent and pretty much empty when they arrived. Kenma messaged Shouyou to meet them there and the two of them took a seat on one of the sofas. After placing his instrument on the table in front of them, Kenma snuggled closer to Kuroo, resting his head against his chest and closing his eyes.</p><p>Kuroo ran his fingers gently through Kenma’s hair in a soothing way. He knew that the singer hadn’t slept well in a long time, especially after he’d learnt about getting into the semi-finals. Not only did he have to prepare a new song, he also had to study for his upcoming mid-year examinations too. “Do you think,” he heard Kenma ask in a quiet voice, “I’ll get into the finals?”</p><p>The second year smiled. “I think so,” he said. He didn’t say it just so Kenma would feel better, but because he truly believed that Kenma’s performance had been of a finalist's standard.</p><p>He felt Kenma relax against him, seemingly drifting asleep. He liked knowing that Kenma felt safe around him, enough to sleep in his presence. “I hope so,” he admitted, so softly that Kuroo could hardly hear him. Kenma hadn’t seemed to care that much about the results, until now. “When I was on stage...” Kenma continued, “I enjoyed it.” His eyes opened so slightly that it would be impossible to tell if Kuroo hadn’t been so close. “I want to do it again.”</p><p>Before Kuroo could respond, he heard a loud voice. “Kenma!” He turned to see the singer’s roommate running over with Bokuto following closely behind. “You were so cool!” Shouyou said, grinning from ear to ear as he seemed to be bouncing on the spot.</p><p>Kenma sat upright and smiled. “Thanks.”</p><p>Shouyou continued talking excitedly about how Kenma had been the best performance and that he was sure that he’d get into the finals. Bokuto joined in midway, adding that everyone was clapping louder than any other performance after Kenma’s song. All the while, Kuroo watched in silence, only turning to look at Kenma in surprise when he felt the singer hook their pinkies together.</p><p>“So,” Kenma said once the chattering had stopped, “would the two of you like to have dinner with us?”</p><p>Bokuto threw a taunting smile at Kuroo. “We wouldn’t want to third whe---OW!” Kuroo kicked his foot subtly and Bokuto feigned an offended look. “Alright, if Hinata-kun goes, I'll go too.”</p><p>Shouyou nodded eagerly. “Where are we going?”</p><p>The three of them looked at Kenma, who shrugged. After a few minutes of deliberation, they settled on a cafe down the street. With Bokuto and Shouyou around, it was an evening of endless talking and laughing over the most random things. From previous conversations and what Kuroo could tell, Kenma didn’t seem like he often hung out with others like this, but throughout the evening, he looked like he was having fun.</p><p>In fact, he’d appeared happier ever since he’d found out about the auditions. Kuroo wasn’t sure that he’d ever know the reason behind the change, but no matter what, he decided that it was a good thing. Sometime in the middle of their dinner, Kenma had the most candid smile on his face, laughing at something that Shouyou had done. And for some reason, or maybe without reason at all, he turned to Kuroo at that exact moment.</p><p>Kuroo looked at him. And he smiled too.</p><p>###</p><p>“Have you checked your mock test results?” Shouyou asked curiously as they walked out of the cafe. While Kuroo and Bokuto were having their own conversation and walking behind, Kenma had been talking to Shouyou about the upcoming mid-year examinations.</p><p>Kenma shook his head and sighed. “Honestly, I didn’t get much time to prepare so I’m not expecting much.” He’d always gotten mediocre results, though this time he wasn’t sure he’d even be close to average.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Shouyou assured him, still sounding as cheerful as ever. “I’m pretty sure I failed mine.” Kenma had heard people say that lots of times, only to pass with flying colours. But if there was one person who meant it when he said that, it was Shouyou.</p><p>“Even after you study with your friends every week?”</p><p>Shouyou pouted. “Kageyama isn’t any better at studying than I am...and his roommate who can actually study is mean and thinks we’re just stupid!”</p><p>Kenma shrugged. “If I could, I would help, but you know I wouldn’t be any better.”</p><p>“That’s alright, failing is the worst that could happen,” Shouyou said with an ironic smile on his face. Kenma wished he could say the same. He kept silent as Shouyou started rambling about how he could never seem to get the questions right.</p><p>Kenma hadn’t told his parents about his mock test results, not that he’d seen them at all yet, and he wasn’t sure it’d be a good idea to do that. His parents hadn’t been pleased by his work at the bar and if they found out that his grades were suffering as the cost of his music, he’d probably be forced to quit and spend all his time on school work. There was no way Kenma wanted to do that.</p><p>“I’ll be going over to my friend’s to study tonight,” Shouyou told Kenma as they neared the dormitory rooms. “See you in the morning! And tell me the results!” Kenma nodded and waved to Shouyou as he left.</p><p>He turned around, waiting for Kuroo and Bokuto, who arrived in front of him not long after. Kenma glanced at the darkened sky, finding that it was getting late and likely close to midnight. He didn’t know how they’d ended up staying out for so long, but somehow they had. “It’s pretty late,” Kuroo said, as if he’d read Kenma’s thoughts.</p><p>“I won’t be staying in the dorm tonight,” Bokuto informed his roommate with a playful smile. “I’ll probably be back in the late morning.” He bid the others goodbye and walked away, leaving the two alone with each other.</p><p>There was silence for a moment before Kenma asked, “What now?” He didn’t exactly want to leave so soon, not when he hadn’t gotten to spend that much time alone with Kuroo that day. He checked the time on his phone. “It’s half past eleven,” he read, then looked at the second year.</p><p>Kuroo lifted his chin to look at the sky for a while before returning his gaze to Kenma with a smile. “Want to hang out at my dorm for a while?”</p><p>Kenma responded in a heartbeat. “Sure.” He rolled up the sleeves of the hoodie he was still wearing minimally, enough to find Kuroo’s hand and lace their fingers together before the sleeves fell over their hands. Amidst the cold night, the feeling gave Kenma warmth.</p><p>They reached Kuroo’s room in a matter of minutes. Walking to the middle of the room, Kenma looked at the clock, remembering what Shouyou had said about the results. “The semi-finals,” he thought aloud, taking out his phone, “the results should be out by now.”</p><p>Kuroo took a seat at the edge of his bed and Kenma stood facing him, staring down at the page loading on his phone. There were only five names that would be appearing on the results as finalists, so there wouldn’t be time for Kenma to prepare himself once the names appeared on the screen.</p><p>The loading circle spun round and round, causing an increasing tension that Kenma couldn’t stand. Then finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the page loaded. Five finalists, five names. Kenma took in a sharp breath and let his eyes travel down the list. <i>No, not it, nope...</i></p><p>“I’M IN!” he shouted as he saw the last name on the list. It didn’t matter anymore that the neighbours could hear his shout, only that he’d gotten into the <i>finals</i> and he would be singing on stage <i>again</i>. He looked at Kuroo with both shock and triumph in his eyes. He’d have to tell Shouyou about this later, but not now when he was at a high he’d never been at before.</p><p>Immediately, Kuroo stood up and took a step closer, looking at his phone. “You got in!” he exclaimed, embracing Kenma in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered into the singer’s ear. Kenma hugged him tighter. His heart was pounding and never in his life had Kenma felt so ecstatic. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, just like he’d done before his performance, except that they had a different meaning this time.</p><p>Kenma let go of Kuroo after a while. His expression turned from one filled with hyper excitement to a more serious but nevertheless happy one. “Thank you,” he said quietly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.</p><p>“What for?” Kuroo asked, keeping his arms around Kenma’s waist as he smiled softly at him. “This is all your work. <i>You</i> did it. I was just...there.”</p><p>There was a quiet silence, though it hid no awkwardness or tension of any sort --- just like a caesura in a piece of music creating a pause with a meaning that might never be understood. “But because you were there,” Kenma continued in a voice hanging close to the edge of fading away, “I’m here today.”</p><p>Without waiting for a response, he tilted his head up and pressed his lips against Kuroo’s, taking him by complete surprise. He could feel Kuroo slowly kissing him back, taking a small step back as they lost their balance and collapsed back onto the mattress behind. “Thank you,” Kenma said, repeating his words from before in a quiet breath.</p><p>“My pleasure.” Kuroo reached his hand out to the back of Kenma’s head and pulled him down gently into another kiss, only deeper and longer this time.</p><p>Ever since he’d found his interest in music --- one that his parents had never approved of --- Kenma hadn’t been able to feel like he was free. He’d always been caged by reality, practicality, and the words that he wasn’t ‘good enough’. But in that moment, even if just for the smallest fraction of a second, he felt himself relax against Kuroo and his mind fall to a state of void. It wasn’t in a bad way, but it was as if an unfamiliar feeling was returning from a time in the past he’d forgotten and left behind --- a time when he hadn’t had anything to worry about.</p><p>Kenma let his feelings take over him, controlling his movement and his mind. If he could keep this feeling in a jar so he could take it out anytime he wanted, then maybe the world would be ten times more of a better place for him. Even after he’d finally broken the kiss, he continued looking into Kuroo’s eyes, staring into the most affectionate gaze he’d ever seen. With all that was happening, Kenma doubted he’d be able to sleep that night.</p><p>But maybe, he wouldn’t mind that at all.</p><p> </p><p>###</p><p> </p><p>A ray of light peeked through the gap between the curtains, lighting up the room dimly but enough to look around. Kuroo shifted in bed, his arms still draped over---</p><p><i>Kenma?</i> His eyes widened and he sat upright. Where was Kenma? He was sure it hadn’t been a dream when they’d fallen asleep together. He could’ve sworn that Kenma was with him and that he’d been planting small kisses on the back of the singer’s neck and whispering sweet nothings into his ears as they’d drifted asleep. But contrary to what he’d believed, he found himself alone on the bed.</p><p>It didn’t seem like it’d been his imagination, not when the blankets seemed like they’d been put together neatly after being slept under. And if that was the case, then there was only one explanation --- Kenma had left. Kuroo couldn’t understand why that would happen. They’d been happy, hadn’t they? He took a quick scan of the room and found the absence of any sort of note or memo about Kenma’s early departure. He didn’t have any messages from him either.</p><p>Kuroo collapsed back onto the bed, his heart aching in his chest. To fall asleep with Kenma and to wake up alone or to never have slept with him at all --- Kuroo didn’t know which was worse to him. The bedsheets smelled faintly like Kenma and Kuroo was increasingly sure that the singer had really been here. Then, had something happened to him?</p><p>With mixed feelings, Kuroo got out of bed and quickly went to get changed. He’d probably stop by Kenma’s room to see if he’d been there, or if he was there at present time. He slipped on a hoodie --- the same Kenma had been wearing just last night --- and walked briskly out of his room. His mind had never felt so hazy before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed the chapter &lt;3</p><p>// on a side note: tbh i'm kinda scared i'm not writing this right and that it's going way ooc and cliche? might take me a while (a week maybe) before i post the next chapter just 'cause i need time to plan my thoughts out ALSJDAKLDJL idk maybe it's just me thinking too much ;-; if you have the time, do drop me a comment to tell me what you think :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. never enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was hard to write</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kuroo’s footsteps echoed around the quiet hallway. It was still rather early in the morning and most of the other students were still asleep. Even so, it didn’t stop him from knocking loudly on Kenma’s door, calling his name and hoping his voice would travel to the other side.</p><p>He heard a click seconds later and the door opened. He felt a surge of relief, though it was wiped away as quickly as it’d come when he realised that the person standing in front of him was not Kenma, but Kenma’s roommate. “Is Kenma around?” he asked, not even sparing time for a greeting.</p><p>Shouyou looked at him for a while before shaking his head.</p><p>“Can I come in?” Kuroo asked, though he didn’t seem like he was asking a question from how he rushed into the room after a quiet apology the moment Shouyou stepped aside. It was empty and looked completely normal, except that Kenma clearly hadn’t slept on his bed. “Did he come here?” Kuroo turned around and asked Shouyou.</p><p>The first year sighed. “He wasn’t here when I first arrived early in the morning, but around an hour ago, he walked in here for a while and then left.”</p><p>“Did he tell you anything?”</p><p>“Only that I didn’t have to worry about him and that he would be fine,” Shouyou recalled. He looked a little disturbed and Kuroo couldn’t help but believe that there was something more. “He told me that he got into the finals when I asked him, but he looked kinda mad,” Shouyou continued, “and he wouldn’t tell me if anything happened when I asked.” He looked up at Kuroo with an anxious look on his face. “Did anything happen between the two of you?”</p><p>Kuroo let out a frustrated exhale. “I wish I knew...but he just disappeared in the morning. You said that he came here...can you remember any details? Anything that might be a clue to where he is?” Kuroo’s voice was laced with despair and he was at his wits’ end.</p><p>Shouyou looked up at the ceiling, seemingly running through his memories. Then all of a sudden, his head snapped back to look at Kuroo with his eyes wide open. “His guitar!” he exclaimed. “He took it with him when he left!”</p><p>A small wave of hope washed over Kuroo. “I think,” he said quietly, “I might know where he is.” </p><p>He thanked Shouyou and ran out of the room, down the stair of the dormitory block, and out of campus. He hardly had time to think but he was counting on his intuition being correct as he took familiar turns on the streets under the early morning sky until he reached the entrance of a place that he remembered all too well --- the bar he’d first met Kenma at.</p><p>It was still relatively dark outside and there weren’t many people around. Even the bar didn’t seem that crowded from where Kuroo stood outside. The first time he’d been here, he’d been completely wasted and thinking about how cute the singer on stage was, but now he was here looking for said singer, unsure if he’d even find him. Kuroo pushed the doors open and ignored the stares he got as he headed straight for the counter. He could hear music playing and the lights were as colourful as usual, but he paid them no mind.</p><p>“Is he here?” Kuroo asked the bartender. His words came out like a desperate demand and the bartender shot him a pitiful look.</p><p>“Unfortunately not,” he said with a quiet sigh, pouring a shot of whiskey for one of the patrons sitting nearby.</p><p>That should have been enough to turn Kuroo away, but something told Kuroo that there was no way Kenma wasn’t here. Shouyou had mentioned that he took his guitar, so where else would Kenma be? No, there wasn’t a performance on stage, so that was out of the question. He glanced quickly around the area, his eyes landing on a small body at the corner of the bar. <i>Kenma’s</i> usual corner. “You lied,” he hissed at the bartender and turned around.</p><p>“He said not to tell you,” the bartender called after Kuroo as he began to head towards Kenma. “I don’t think he wants to---”</p><p>Kuroo blatantly ignored him and bit his lip, letting the rest of the sentence slip away as he nudged his way through the crowd to get to where Kenma was as fast as he could. The singer was curled up against the wall with his knees to his chest, shaking visibly. The patrons hadn’t paid much attention to him, though they would occasionally throw him a curious or sympathetic glance before carrying on with their own business.</p><p>“Kenma?” Kuroo said, his voice cracking slightly as if he couldn’t believe it was really Kenma. He stood where he was, not sure if he should approach the singer or if he should give him some space. Kenma looked up, not uttering even a word as he stared into Kuroo’s eyes. Kenma’s eyes were clearly red and Kuroo could tell that he had been crying. Kuroo knew that Kenma wasn’t the type to often show his emotions, so this had to be something bad enough to change that. Seeing the singer like this made Kuroo’s heart ache and he knelt in front of Kenma. Now that he was closer, he could see the dried tears on Kenma’s face being replaced by a fresh layer, flowing like an endless stream.</p><p>Never in the months they’d known each other had Kuroo seen Kenma so broken. He couldn’t bear to see Kenma like this. He looked completely hurt but at the same time mildly vexed, and it made Kuroo wish he could just hug Kenma and tell him that he was here now and everything would be alright. Kenma turned his head away, avoiding eye contact with Kuroo. Something was <i>very</i> wrong. Kuroo reached his hand out to Kenma, but stopped himself midway.</p><p>
  <i>“I don’t think he wants to see you.”</i>
</p><p>The bartender’s words replayed themselves in Kuroo’s head. What is he was right? What if Kenma didn’t want to see him? He retracted his arm, taking in a sharp breath. He was afraid to get any closer to Kenma, because he didn’t know what he would do if Kenma rejected his touch, if Kenma was <i>really</i> avoiding him. The singer had run away early in the morning and Kuroo still didn’t know why. Part of him worried that he’d done something wrong, or said something wrong, yet he didn’t know what. It tormented him to have Kenma run away from him, crying his eyes out at the bar alone. The more he looked at Kenma, the more he couldn’t stay there without doing anything. He reached out again, holding Kenma’s face in his hands and wiping his tears away. “Kenma...” he said softly, “what happened?”</p><p>Kenma opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but all that came out was a nearly inaudible ‘I’m sorry’. Something terrible must have happened, Kuroo was sure about that. There was no way Kenma would let anyone see him cry over a small matter. And Kuroo <i>needed</i> to know. But Kenma didn’t appear to be ready to tell him, or even if he was, he couldn’t string his thoughts into coherent sentences. He looked more frustrated than sad and it no longer seemed like he was upset with Kuroo, rather something had happened in the span of time between when they’d fallen asleep and the present.</p><p>“Take your time,” Kuroo said in a hushed voice as Kenma looked like he was in pain trying to speak. He forced a small smile on his face because he could feel his own eyelids heavy with tears and he didn't want Kenma to feel worse if he started crying too. “I’m here with you, I won’t let anything happen to you.”</p><p>There was a short pause where Kuroo could only hear Kenma sniffling quietly. Then in a movement so quick that Kuroo could hardly react, Kenma lunged forward and hugged Kuroo, burying his face in his chest. He was still trembling and Kuroo could feel it too, but to have Kenma close to him, it felt relieving because at least he knew that Kenma was safe now.</p><p>He gently ran his fingers through Kenma’s hair, stroking the back of his head. The world went silent around him and for a moment, he forgot that they were still in the bar. Slowly, Kenma stopped shaking and his body relaxed against Kuroo’s, even though he still refused to look up at him. “Feeling better?” Kuroo asked in a tentative voice.</p><p>Kenma said nothing as he pulled away, turning to sit against the wall with his knees to his chest. Kuroo joined him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to comfort him. The singer stared at the floor as if thinking about something, though his eyes were only minimally open and his lashes covered the view of them.</p><p>“I was so worried when I couldn’t find you,” Kuroo mumbled, keeping Kenma close to him. “You seemed alright last night...what happened?” He didn’t know if he’d get an answer, and to be honest, he wasn’t particularly expecting one.</p><p>Much to his surprise, he heard Kenma respond in a tiny voice. “I’m pulling out of the finals.”</p><p>Kuroo could hardly believe his ears. He took a few seconds processing the words, then confirmed that he’d <i>indeed</i> heard what he thought he had. “You...what?” he asked. Yes, he’d heard Kenma right. His mind, however, couldn’t seem to put ‘Kenma’ and ‘pulling out of the finals’ together in a single sentence.</p><p>Kenma’s voice shrank even further, going against what Kuroo thought was possible. “I’m pulling out of the finals,” he repeated. Even as he sounded unsure of himself, his words were steady and he didn’t seem like he was kidding. And really, Kuroo was sure that Kenma wouldn’t joke about something like that.</p><p>Still in disbelief, he rummaged through his mind for what to say. He’d formed streams of sentences in his head, but in the end, he could only get one word out. “...Why?”</p><p>The singer shifted uncomfortably on the spot, tugging his knees closer. “I have my reasons.”</p><p><i>Of course</i> he had his reasons. But what Kuroo wanted to find out wasn’t that --- it was what exactly those reasons were. For someone to get all the way to the finals and then pull out just like that, there had to be something more than just a change of heart. “Kenma,” he said, keeping his voice low, “what happened after last night?” If something had happened, it <i>had</i> to be in that frame of time.</p><p>Finally, Kenma turned his head to look at Kuroo, though only for a short while. “Nothing,” he hissed. He didn’t look like he’d meant for it to come out as harsh as it had, but he didn’t look like he was going to take it back either. “I just changed my mind.”</p><p>Kenma was good at many things --- writing songs, singing, playing the guitar and more --- but lying wasn’t one of them. No matter how many times he asked Kenma, Kuroo knew that he wouldn’t be getting a direct answer, or an answer at all, for that matter. Maybe if he could figure something out for himself, it would give Kenma a starting point to tell him about it. “Did someone,” he guessed, “tell you something?”</p><p>Immediately, Kenma’s body went completely still. Kuroo knew that he’d hit the bullseye. “...No,” Kenma said in a strained voice, though it was increasingly obvious that he was denying it for the sake of keeping whatever had happened a secret.</p><p>“Who was it?” Kuroo asked, trying to get as much as he could out of Kenma. “What did they say?”</p><p>“<i>Nothing</i>.” In small movements, he tried to squirm away from Kuroo and turned his back on him, facing sideways with his body parallel to the wall. “I’ve already told you,” Kenma muttered indignantly under his breath, “<i>nobody</i> said anything to me.”</p><p>Kuroo cleared his mind for an extended moment, trying to think of who could possibly have said something that would affect Kenma in this way. The singer wasn’t the most sociable person, plus he’d been with Kuroo nearly the whole night as far as he knew, so it wasn’t likely that he’d made an enemy that Kuroo didn’t know of. The possibility of it being Shouyou was far from likely and to be Bokuto or the others at the party was just as unlikely. He tilted his head up, resting it against the wall as he stared at the ceiling being illuminated by colourful lights. Who could’ve said anything to Kenma? Perhaps it’d been through a phone call, since Kenma didn’t seem like he’d gone anywhere outside of the dormitory rooms before Shouyou saw him.</p><p><i>A phone call?</i> Kuroo wondered. There was no way he’d be checking Kenma’s phone because that would be infringing his privacy and Kuroo wouldn’t take things that far. <i>If I was Kenma,</i> he thought, <i>who would call me?</i> Personally, Kuroo didn’t often have phone calls with people other than his friends, besides his parents.</p><p><i>No way.</i> His gaze travelled to Kenma in an instant. <i>Unless...?</i> He took in a quiet breath, risking a glaring response as he asked, “Was it...your parents?” Because if there was something that had come to Kuroo’s mind after recalling what they’d talked about together, it was that Kenma’s parents had never approved of his singing.</p><p>Completely bypassing the question, Kenma tried to shake Kuroo’s arm off him, looking as if he was preparing to stand up and leave. Kuroo wouldn’t let him. He’d never intend to force Kenma into anything he didn’t want to do, but this time, he really needed Kenma to talk to him. “Even if you leave now,” he said as he tightened his arm around Kenma, “it’s not going to make anything better.” His voice was firm and he’d decided that he wasn’t going to let Kenma suffer alone.</p><p>“Let go of me,” Kenma said from behind clenched teeth. He looked like he was at the verge of tears as he shot a sharp glare at Kuroo. “I changed my mind, can’t you understand? Why can’t you leave me alone?”</p><p>“<i>No</i>,” Kuroo replied, even as he could feel his heart sting. “I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what happened.” Maybe it was selfish of Kuroo to keep Kenma here like this, but this was one time he’d be willing to be selfish. “I promise I won’t force you into anything, I just want to know.”</p><p>Kenma still seemed hesitant, but after a few seconds, he seemed to realise that Kuroo wasn’t going to let him go until he revealed the full story. Kuroo listened as Kenma sighed frustratedly and took a deep breath. “Early this morning,” the singer started, “I got a call from my father.”</p><p>###</p><p>It had been the wee hours of the morning when he’d heard his phone vibrating against the surface of the bedside table. He’d left it in silent mode, just in case someone decided to call him at night. Of course, Kenma hadn’t really expected a call, so he reached out to take his phone, barely managing to grab it without knocking it onto the floor.</p><p>Kuroo was still sound asleep, or at least Kenma guessed that he was from how his arms were still around Kenma and hadn’t moved even after he’d taken his phone. The glow from his phone screen illuminated the area around him and he shaded it with his hand so it wouldn’t wake Kuroo up. His heart skipped a beat.</p><p>Three missed calls. All of which, were from his father.</p><p>He had to stop himself from sitting upright too quickly, reminding himself that Kuroo was still asleep. He carefully slid out of Kuroo’s embrace and sat at the edge of the bed, contemplating what to do. He didn’t exactly want to talk to his father --- not after he’d just taken a look at his mock test results on the way to the room. His finger hovered over the call button, only for his phone to start buzzing again. He nearly jumped out of his skin and when he’d calmed himself down, he hurried to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and picking up the call.</p><p>“Otou-san?” he whispered into the phone, keeping his voice low so that Kuroo wouldn’t be able to hear him if he was somehow awake.</p><p>“Kenma,” his father’s voice travelled through the phone, “why wasn’t I aware of your participation in a talent competition?”</p><p>Kenma froze. As innocent as a question it was, his father’s words made it sound more like a sharp accusation. Kenma couldn’t understand why he should be feeling guilty about that. There was no doubt that he’d purposely kept the competition a secret from his father, even knowing it would eventually come to light. But if he’d told him about it earlier, would things have played out differently? Most certainly --- he probably wouldn’t have participated at all. “How did you know?” he finally asked, his voice quiet.</p><p>“It was broadcasted on the local television. <i>Why are you in the competition</i>?”</p><p>Kenma gulped, mildly afraid to start his explanation. “I thought it would be a good chance to further my interest in music,” Kenma said. It felt like he was in an interrogation, but he wasn’t going to collapse under the tension so easily.</p><p>There was a short silence before his father spoke again. “I know that you got into the finals, which will be held next week. I’m sure you know that you have your mid-year examinations coming up in a few weeks and you’ve had a mock test recently.” Kenma’s pulse quickened. “How did you do for the test?”</p><p>What was Kenma supposed to tell him? The truth --- that he scored a forty-seven upon a hundred? Or a lie --- that he did fine and he was prepared for the actual examination? Kenma didn’t want to have to cover up the truth because if he’d learnt from the stories of people around him, it was that no lie could go unexposed forever. “I...failed,” he said, so quietly that he might have been hoping his father wouldn’t hear it.</p><p>Unfortunately, it didn’t go as he’d have hoped. “You what?” his father demanded, even though it was clear that he’d heard exactly what Kenma had said. His father didn’t often get mad at him and the most he’d been was disapproving, but this was the first time Kenma realised that his father was really upset with him. Kenma honestly couldn't blame him for that. “Kenma,” he said sternly, “I want you out of the finals.”</p><p>Out of the finals? Maybe he’d have agreed to pull out if the auditions hadn’t happened yet, but now that he’d made it this far, how could he just quit like that? “Otou-san, I can’t---”</p><p>“You need to focus on your school work,” his father continued. “Your grades will suffer at the cost of the competition and you need to get your priorities straight. I’m not trying to be difficult here, but if you don’t pull out, I’m afraid you’ll have to settle your college fees on your own.”</p><p>“Otou-san, please!” Kenma pleaded into the phone, his voice getting desperate. “Give me another chance and I promise I’ll---”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Kenma,” his father said with a loud sigh. “Pull out of the finals and study hard, or stay in the finals and settle your school fees alone.”</p><p>There was no way Kenma would be able to pay all of his school fees, even if he worked multiple jobs every day. He couldn’t apply for financial assistance either, since his family wasn’t exactly in need of money. Yes, Kenma knew that his father meant the best for him by that, but how could he ask Kenma to give up on the one thing he’d ever wanted so badly? “Otou-san, I--”</p><p>The line was cut off.</p><p>Kenma didn’t know how to react. He tried dialling the number again --- maybe he’d be able to convince his father that there was another solution to all of this --- but nobody picked the call up. He curled himself up against the wall, trying to tell himself that it’ll be alright, that he’d always have another chance at a competition, that it was just the finals and he had much more ahead of him. He wouldn’t believe any of it.</p><p>He spent one more minute in the bathroom, containing his emotions and wondering what would happen to him now. Then he pulled himself together, even if just for a while, enough to leave the bathroom and take a final glance at Kuroo before running away.</p><p>###</p><p>There were a few moments of silence after Kenma stopped speaking.</p><p>“Kenma,” Kuroo finally said, “if you really want to participate in the finals, I’m sure we’ll find a way to---”</p><p>“Don’t,” Kenma cut in, ending his sentence. He’d lost his hope once and he didn’t need to get it back, only for himself to fall back deeper into the pit of hopelessness. He couldn’t seem to stop himself as he started ranting, with the most agonising expression on his face. “I don’t want to hear you telling me that I can do it, that I can just completely ignore the fact that I could never earn enough money for my college fees and take part in the finals. I haven’t been earning money in the bar as often for the past week because I’ve been preparing for the semi-finals, I don't even know if I have enough money to pay for my usual part of the fees!”</p><p>If he could, Kuroo would readily offer to help with the money. But even he was hardly earning enough in his on and off work at the convenience store near campus and there was no way he’d be able to cover both his and Kenma’s fees. Still, he wouldn’t let that get in the way of Kenma and his dreams. “Hey, if you really want to compete,” he said, “I’ll find a way to help.” Every problem must have a solution and Kuroo was more than willing to help him find it.</p><p>“You make it sound so easy,” Kenma mumbled, unwilling to look at Kuroo even for a split second. “I really can’t, okay? It’s not like I don’t want to, because I <i>do</i>, but there’s just no way I’ll be able to study and prepare for the finals at the same time. I can’t afford tuition and if I keep trying to write songs instead of studying, I’m going to <i>fail</i> my examinations.” He seemed to have been expecting a response and when Kuroo was rendered speechless, Kenma tilted his head up and sighed. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Kuroo bit his lip. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“There's no need to make me feel better,” Kenma said flatly. “If you want to leave me now, I’m not stopping you.”</p><p>“Why would I leave you?” Kuroo turned to look at Kenma.</p><p>The singer shrugged. He seemed to have calmed down already and his face was plain emotionless, even if his mood hadn’t improved. “‘Cause I’m just a disappointment.”</p><p>It hurt to hear him say something like that so easily. “You shouldn’t say that,” he said, quietly but firmly. “It’s not true --- not everyone can advance all the way to the finals when they’re hundreds of participants.”</p><p>“And even then, I’m quitting,” Kenma said with a small and disheartened huff, looking down at the floor. “Aren’t you upset? That after all that effort you put in to help me, I’m just giving up?”</p><p>Kuroo shook his head, holding himself back for the shortest moment before pressing a light kiss to Kenma’s temple. “It’s your choice,” he said softly. Even if he still hoped that he could somehow get Kenma to change his mind, it wasn’t up to him in the end. “Whatever you choose, I’ll support you.”</p><p>Another pause, as if Kenma was pondering the situation and the choices he had. “I...don’t know,” he said after around half a minute, sounding defeated. “There’s a difference between what I want and what I can have.”</p><p>Kuroo hummed in agreement. “You’re right,” he said, causing Kenma to look at him. “What you can have is what you want but only after you have the courage to do something about it.” He reached for Kenma’s hand, his fingers brushing lightly against the singer’s as he quietly added, “I would never have believed that I could have you until I asked.”</p><p>Kenma smiled in disbelief. “Trying to be cheesy and make me feel better?”</p><p>“Is it working?” Kuroo smirked at him.</p><p>He felt Kenma lean into him and heard a quiet whisper. “Maybe.”</p><p>With the corners of his mouth silently curving upwards, Kuroo stood up, holding out a hand to him. “Get up,” he said.</p><p>Kenma looked at him blankly. “Why?”</p><p>Not giving him a chance to run away again, Kuroo reached down for Kenma’s right hand to pull him up. Even as Kenma stood up, standing closely next to him, Kuroo didn’t let go of his hand.</p><p>“Kuro,” the singer said, and Kuroo felt his heart swell at the sound of the nickname and the way it came off Kenma’s lips. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Kuroo gave him a mysterious smile. “I’m taking you somewhere.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ASDJALKSDJAS i've decided that i'll post the last three chapters at the same time</p><p>idk why i just feel like it LOL so maybe in a week (?) i'll finish and post them uwu</p><p>i'm sorry ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. teardrops on my guitar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kuroo only let go of Kenma’s hand when they’d arrived at the beach. Kenma narrowed his eyes and looked strangely at Kuroo. “Why did you bring me here?” he asked tentatively, wondering if Kuroo had made a wrong turn somewhere and brought them to the beach by accident. But from the look on Kuroo’s face, Kenma knew that it wasn’t the case.</p><p>“You’ll see,” Kuroo said with a mysterious smile, tugging lightly on Kenma’s hand and leading him closer to where the sea was. The breeze blew gently at them, flowing through Kenma’s hair and brushing lightly against his skin. “What do you think?” Kuroo asked.</p><p>Kenma kicked lightly at the sand, sending it flying in various directions. He couldn't remember when was the last time he’d been to the beach. He’d gone several times when he was younger, but ever since he’d started high school, he never came without having to run an errand. The atmosphere was as he remembered --- calming and peaceful, but not too quiet at the same time. It sounded <i>natural</i>, which made Kenma feel like it was somewhere he could relax. In fact, the way it was a vast open space, the way the ocean seemed to stretch past the horizon endlessly, gave Kenma a feeling of freedom.</p><p>“What do <i>I</i> think?” Kenma said with a small laugh, his voice barely loud enough to be heard amidst the waves. “I think that you should tell me why we’re here.” Small waves lined with seafoam rushed onto the shore, staying for a split second before retreating back to the sea. The water was a bluish-green colour, but for the shortest moments, it was completely clear and revealed tiny seashells on the ground.</p><p>Kuroo shrugged, staring at the sand under their feet. “No reason in particular. Just...every time I’m here, I feel better instantly.” He took a few steps closer to the water and Kenma followed cautiously behind. A few waves ventured further onto shore, wetting the tips of Kenma’s shoes and making him jump back in surprise before returning to where he’d been. “The weather’s great today,” Kuroo continued, “so I thought it might make you feel better too.”</p><p>Wearing a small smile, Kenma lifted his head and stared into the distance. “I don’t exactly feel <i>that</i> much better, knowing that my problems still exist,” he admitted, looking down when he felt water on his shoes again. He reached out for Kuroo’s hand and slipped his fingers between Kuroo’s. “But it’s nice to be here with you.”</p><p>Kuroo smiled. “So what do you plan to do? Surely you don’t really plan to...pull out of the finals?” His voice shrank with every word and he ended off with a sigh, his feet visibly digging into the sand as if he was trying to distract himself. “I mean, I get why you’d think so, but you don’t really want to...do you?”</p><p>“Do I...<i>want</i> to?” Kenma fidgeted uncomfortably, not because of Kuroo but because of the question that he still didn’t completely know the answer to. “I guess I don’t...why would I? After all the work I’ve put in, it feels like a waste to quit right now.”</p><p>Of course, that didn’t mean he was free from all the practicality that he’d have to face. It wasn’t like he could just say he wanted to participate in the finals and expect everything to go well --- that wasn’t how life worked. He shivered as the wind hit his skin. If there was a way that he could balance the preparing for the finals <i>and</i> studying for his mid-year examinations, then he would willingly do it.</p><p>“Is there any way that I can help?” Kuroo asked quietly, not looking at Kenma. His voice faded into the crashing waves, but not before Kenma heard it.</p><p>“I’d ask you to tutor me, but clearly we’re in different courses,” Kenma said. He let out a quiet exhale. “I don’t want to ask you for money,” he added. “So please don’t pay for anything out of your pocket.” If there was one thing Kenma didn’t want, it was to feel like he was leeching off Kuroo’s wallet.</p><p>All Kenma could hear was the water as Kuroo was silent for a while. The tide was rising slowly but Kenma remained where he was, even though the waves splashed against his shoes and wet his ankles. “I know it’s not my place to say this,” he started, “but I’d tell you that if you really want to participate in the competition, then don’t give up.” He squeezed Kenma’s hand lightly. “As for your studies...I’ll find someone to help.”</p><p>“How?” Kenma asked, turning to look at Kuroo.</p><p>“If I’m not wrong,” Kuroo said, sounding a little uncertain of himself but at the same time positive, “I might know some people in the same course as you. Maybe...they’ll agree to help.”</p><p>“I...yeah, I guess that could work.” He wasn’t sure he really believed any of this would turn out fine, but he wasn’t going to make Kuroo worry. As it was, he already felt bad enough for running away without a message. “...Thanks.”</p><p>The sunlight reflected off the surface of the water, making it look as if it were glistening. Kenma shaded his eyes with his other hand. “Too hot?” Kuroo asked, and Kenma nodded subtly. Kuroo turned around, his hand still holding onto Kenma’s, and headed to one of the small shelters.</p><p>There wasn’t anyone there when they arrived and Kenma took a seat on the benches, with Kuroo beside him. It was only after about a minute of silence that Kenma spoke again, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry I left.”</p><p>Kuroo turned to look at him. “It’s alright,” he said in an assuring voice. “I was just...a little surprised at first. But I figured that you’d have your reasons...even if it was something enough to make you run away.”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to see me like that,” Kenma said apologetically. He hadn’t been in the best state after the call and if he was being honest, he was afraid that Kuroo would think of him differently if he’d seen it. Clearly, and much to his relief, he’d been wrong. “Kuro, how did you find me?” Kenma asked, something he’d been wondering since they’d been at the bar.</p><p>“It’s not that hard, really,” Kuroo replied with a small laugh. “I started out by visiting your room, where your roommate told me that you’d come for a short while and left with your guitar.”</p><p>Kenma fiddled with his fingers nervously. He’d probably made Shouyou worried about him and he’d definitely have to apologise for that later. “What did Shouyou say?” he asked, staring at the ground.</p><p>“That you looked mad and wouldn’t tell him anything.”</p><p>“Really?” Kenma pursed his lips. “I wasn’t actually mad...but I guess that’s my <i>normal</i> face.” He hadn’t been mad, per se, more like frustrated and helpless.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled. “Your normal face?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma said, hiding a smile. There was silence for a second, then Kenma turned his head to find Kuroo looking at him. “...Is there something on my face?” he asked, frowning slightly and weaving his hand out of Kuroo’s to adjust his hair.</p><p>Kuroo reached out to grab his wrist and pulled it down, holding it to the bench. Kenma opened his mouth to protest but Kuroo spoke before he could. “Smile for me?” Kuroo asked softly, causing a small blush to creep up Kenma’s cheeks.</p><p>Kenma averted his eyes but nevertheless smiled uncontrollably.</p><p>“<i>That’s</i> it,” Kuroo said, lifting his other hand to the side of Kenma’s face and turning his head so they were facing each other. He shifted closer, pressing his lips to Kenma’s in a light kiss. “You’re cuter when you’re smiling,” he said, so quietly that if Kenma hadn’t been paying attention, he’d have missed it.</p><p>“Shut up,” Kenma mumbled, leaning in for another kiss and giving Kuroo no time to react.</p><p>###</p><p>Kuroo didn’t know how long they’d spent in the shelter, but some time when they’d been there, it started raining. It was a drizzle at first, but just as they’d thought it would be fine to stay there, it’d gotten heavier.</p><p>“Maybe we could wait till it stops and then head back to campus,” Kuroo suggested. It didn’t seem like there was another solution anyway.</p><p>Kenma agreed. “I guess...we could.” Noticing that Kenma looked like he was shivering slightly, Kuroo put an arm around his shoulders and held him closer, trying to keep him warm. And they stayed like that for nearly half an hour, silent to the point that Kuroo wondered if Kenma had fallen asleep.</p><p>The rain splattered against the ground, making small splashes in the shape of liquid crowns. Kuroo’s eyes followed the falling of the clear water and the faint reflections of light that shone off them. Even if it was cold all around, the rain created a rather peaceful ambience. Perhaps it was the way the raindrops hit the ground in a rhythmic fashion, or perhaps it was how the change in weather seemed to silence the people that had been shouting and running around under the sun. Something about it made Kuroo feel calm and from the way Kenma’s body seemed to relax into his, Kuroo guessed that he felt the same.</p><p>Gradually, the sky darkened even further, indicating the arrival of a thunderstorm. It created a rather gloomy atmosphere and to be honest, Kuroo didn’t find that it was the best weather to be staying out anymore. In fact, he wasn’t sure if the rain would stop anytime soon or if it was only going to get heavier. From the looks of it, there seemed to be dark clouds heading in the direction of where they were. The sun had gone to hide and was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>He tapped Kenma gently and the singer tilted his head up to look at him expectantly. Throwing a glance at the dark clouds and directing Kenma’s eyes to them, he asked, “Do you want to...maybe...get back to campus before the rain gets heavier?”</p><p>Kenma looked at him thoughtfully for a while, then nodded. “But it’s still raining,” he stated, “and I didn’t bring an umbrella.”</p><p>“Neither did I,” Kuroo said with a quiet sigh. It would be a walk of at least half an hour back to campus and it wasn’t exactly a great idea to be walking, possibly running, in the rain. Kuroo was sure that they’d catch a cold if they did. “We could take a taxi,” he offered, “although...the nearest place to get one would be five minutes of walking away.”</p><p>Kenma stood up, shaking slightly in the cold. “We could make a run for it.”</p><p>Looking from Kenma, to the rain, and then to Kenma again, Kuroo finally agreed. There was a chance they’d get sick, but they couldn’t possibly stay under the shelter, not knowing when the rain would cease. He took out his hoodie and held it in front of him for a few seconds. A small sacrifice, but worth it. “Come, let’s go.”</p><p>Once Kenma was by his side, Kuroo lifted his hoodie above them to shelter them from the rain, with one arm at Kenma’s other side so he was fully covered. He felt exposed the moment they stepped out under the storm and he could feel the rain touching his skin and sending cold sensations through his body, but the moment they started taking quicker steps, it didn’t feel too bad anymore. Even if they were clumsy in their running and kept bumping into each other and splashing into puddles, with Kenma beside him, Kuroo hardly felt like it was the midst of a storm. And even if Kuroo wouldn’t admit it, it was hard to deny that it felt a little romantic.</p><p>Thunder roared in the sky and the frequent flashes of lightning that hadn’t been there before momentarily lit up the area. There was hardly a trace of the sun, making the surrounding so dark that anyone far away would seem like a shadow. But amidst the mess they were in, neither Kuroo nor Kenma paid attention to that. “How much more do we have to run?” Kenma asked midway, his voice dissolving into the noisy storm less than a second after he’d finished.</p><p>“A few more minutes,” he assured Kenma. “We’ll be there really soon.” Kenma didn’t seem like he enjoyed running, even if he was able to keep up. “I think it’s just up ahead on the left.” He heard Kenma acknowledge his words and they continued running.</p><p>“Just over there,” Kuroo said, nodding his head in the direction of the sheltered taxi stand slightly less than a hundred metres away. “Once we get there, we---” He never got to finish his sentence, for he heard Kenma groan in pain, body lunging forward for a moment before he regained his balance. Kuroo immediately halted his footsteps. “Are you okay?” he asked, not exactly sure what had happened.</p><p>“My foot landed awkwardly,” Kenma explained, lifting his foot off the ground lightly and wincing. “I might have sprained it...” Kuroo took Kenma’s arm and put it around his shoulder. He let the jacket hang on his other shoulder, figuring that he’d rather get wet and get Kenma safely to the stand than anything else. Together, they took small steps to the stand and by the time they’d arrived, their clothes were completely soaked.</p><p>Now drenched in rainwater, Kuroo could feel his shirt sticking onto his body and his hair onto his forehead. “You alright?” he asked Kenma. “Other than your foot, of course.”</p><p>Kenma sighed, taking a seat on the long bench under the shelter. “Yeah, I guess.” Kuroo stood in front of him and watched as Kenma rotated his foot slowly with a visible look of pain on his face. “Could be better.”</p><p>“We’ll get to the dorms soon,” Kuroo said, looking into the distance where a taxi was approaching. Kuroo flagged it and it came to a stop in front of the stand. “Let’s go,” he said to Kenma, helping him into the taxi and entering beside him.</p><p>“Where would you like to go?” the driver asked, to which Kuroo gave him the address of their campus. Shortly after, they were on their way.</p><p>“Still painful?” Kuroo asked, noticing Kenma trying to move his foot and flinching at short intervals. “I have a first aid kit in my room, I could help you ice it when we get back. Just don’t move it too much...we don’t want it getting any worse.”</p><p>Kenma nodded, letting his foot rest motionlessly on the carpeted base of the taxi. “Thanks...again.”</p><p>Kuroo smiled. “No problem.”</p><p>They remained quiet for the rest of the journey. Kuroo stared out of the window, watching the view pass by as if it were the one moving. It was nearing the end of spring, but there were still flurries of pale pink as they travelled past several cherry blossom trees. The fallen flowers littered the ground, but not enough to flood it in their pastel colour. Even as they were in the taxi, the surrounding created a peaceful feeling.</p><p>Slowly, Kuroo turned to look at Kenma, who was staring out of his side of the window, though all he could see were cars overtaking them or driving by in the opposite direction. Kuroo felt a small smile forming over his face. He gently reached his hand out, placing it gently over Kenma’s, that had been on the seat in the middle of them. Kenma didn’t turn around, but he didn’t need to for Kuroo to see the faint blush on his face. Still as cute as the first time Kuroo had seen him. Maybe, even more.</p><p>The taxi pulled up outside of campus after around ten minutes. It wasn’t raining anymore, much to Kuroo’s relief. He passed the driver a few bills and after telling him to keep the change, he opened the door and got out. Kenma followed behind, struggling to get out of the taxi and getting onto the pavement where Kuroo was. The dormitory block was at the other end of the campus, much to Kuroo’s disappointment. He’d forgotten to tell the driver which gate to bring them to, so he had no one to blame but himself for that.</p><p>He looked hesitantly at Kenma. “Will you be able to walk?”</p><p>Kenma shrugged. “I could try,” he said. “There’s not much of another option anyway.” He started walking, taking no more than five steps before halting and bending over, lifting his foot slightly off the ground.</p><p>Immediately, Kuroo rushed over to beside him. It would take forever for them to reach the dormitory, but what he was more worried about was whether or not Kenma would be able to make it back in this condition. He crouched down in front of Kenma. “Get on my back,” he said, “I’ll carry you to the dorm.”</p><p>Kenma stared at him for a while before getting onto his back. “Kuro,” he said as Kuroo stood up, “thank you.”</p><p>Kuroo hummed quietly in acknowledgement. He could feel the singer tightening his arms around him, head resting on his shoulder. Kenma was heavier than Kuroo had expected, but only by a little. He could feel Kenma’s hair brush against his skin, sending a small shiver through his body. Even as they had been this close before, it never failed to make Kuroo feel conscious of the non-existent distance between them.</p><p>“I’m sorry I’m such trouble,” Kenma apologised in a quiet voice, his warm breath against Kuroo’s neck.</p><p>Kuroo smiled, though Kenma wouldn’t be able to see it. “It’s nothing,” he said softly, “just don’t run away again, okay?”</p><p>“...Okay.” Kenma’s body relaxed as they passed the block of lecture halls, the library building, the cafeteria...all the way till they reached the dormitory block. There weren’t many students around, but even if there were, Kuroo didn’t pay attention to them.</p><p>It took them a few more minutes to get up the elevator and arrive outside of Kuroo’s room. Kuroo fumbled for his keycard in his pocket and unlocked the room door, kicking it shut behind them with his foot. With an exhausted sigh, he let Kenma down on his bed and sat down beside him. Sometimes, Kuroo wished their campus wasn’t so big.</p><p>Kenma collapsed onto his bed, making the blanket puff up for a moment before sinking down again. “Stay still,” Kuroo told him. “I’ll get the first aid kit.” Courtesy of his college course, Kuroo had enough knowledge on how to help Kenma. He pulled a chair in front of Kenma and the singer sat upright, resting his leg stretched out onto the chair. “I’ll need to check how bad it is first,” Kuroo explained as he slowly rotated Kenma’s ankle, receiving a painful cry in response when he’d reached a certain angle.</p><p>“It hurts,” Kenma said quietly, “not too much, but...it still does.”</p><p>Kuroo let go of his foot and got out and ice pack. “It’s a mild sprain,” he concluded. “Nothing too major, but if it gets worse then you’ll have to see a doctor.” He pressed the ice pack to Kenma’s ankle. “Hold it here for a while,” he instructed. “I’ll make you some food.” Kenma nodded in acknowledgement, staring at his mildly swollen ankle.</p><p>Kuroo returned after a few minutes, leaving some water to boil. Sitting beside Kenma on the bed, he started texting with his phone with a serious look on his face. He did know a few people in the same course as Kenma and he contacted a few of them, trying to find anyone willing to tutor Kenma at a low cost. Most of them were busy, however, and even after Kuroo had stopped the boiling water and poured it into a cup of instant noodles, he still hadn’t found anyone.</p><p>“Here,” he said, handing the cup to Kenma. “Careful, it’s a little hot.” Kenma held the cup gingerly and took the pair of chopsticks that Kuroo held out to him. Kuroo watched as he slowly ate the noodles, a small tint of red under his eyes at the heat. “Feeling better?” he asked Kenma. “I thought you’d like something hot after running in the rain.”</p><p>Kenma smiled, still shaking slightly. “Yeah, a lot better.”</p><p>“Hold on a moment, let me get something,” Kuroo mumbled before standing up and heading to his closet. He opened the closet door and reached for the top shelf. If he’d remembered correctly, there was an extra blanket up there. Eventually, he found it and took it down, returning to beside Kenma. He sat next to the singer and wrapped the blanket around both of their backs, then put an arm around Kenma and put him closer. The blanket was soft, even if it hadn’t been used before. At least, it kept them warm.</p><p>Kenma continued to eat in silence, snuggling gently into Kuroo’s side. “I’m still not sure about how I’d stay in the finals,” he admitted quietly, as though it was something he was ashamed about. “I really want to, but...I can’t just neglect my studies.”</p><p>“I get what you mean,” Kuroo said, biting his lip gently. “I’ll---” His phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out. The moment he read the message he’d received, a huge smile took over his face. “Hey, you remember that Bokuto’s friend from the party a few weeks ago?”</p><p>“You mean Akaashi?” Kenma said, tilting his head and looking curiously at Kuroo.</p><p>Kuroo nodded. “He said he’d tutor you for free, as long as you matched his schedule.”</p><p>“Really?” Kenma asked, sounding surprised. He smiled. “That’s great...help me thank him for that --- that’s one less thing for me to worry about.” Kuroo kept his phone away, not bothering to clear the other nine rejection messages.</p><p>“So, have you prepared another song yet?” Kuroo turned slightly to face Kenma, who was still eating his noodles.</p><p>Kenma paused for a while, then shook his head and sighed. “Honestly, I did have a song I could play. But now that I think about it, I think...I want to write something else. Something that actually has a <i>meaning</i> to me.” Staring at the instant noodles floating in the soup, a small smile formed on Kenma’s face.</p><p>Kuroo pursed his lips. “I guess that could work...honestly, I’m sure it’d work. Have any ideas yet?”</p><p>With a shrug, Kenma said, “Unfortunately, not really. I do have a gist of what I’m going for, though.</p><p>“Care to share it with me?” Kuroo said, nudging Kenma gently with an interested smile. “After you’re done eating, I mean.”</p><p>Kenma ate a bit more of his noodles, then when he’d swallowed them, he lifted his head so his gaze was on the ceiling. “Actually, I’d like to keep it a surprise.”</p><p>“A surprise?” Kuroo repeated.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma said, looking back down and stirring his noodles lightly with his chopsticks. There was a faint hint of scarlet on his cheeks as he continued, “Because...I’m writing it for you.”</p><p>“...For me?” Kuroo smirked. “Can’t wait to hear it.”</p><p>Kenma held out his chopsticks to offer Kuroo some of his food, likely also trying to change the subject so he’d be able to keep the surprise. “Eat,’ he said firmly, and Kuroo did. They’d just ran in the rain and they’d probably come down with a cold for a few days, but the warmth that they had now was more than enough to make it feel better.</p><p>###</p><p>That night, Kenma received a reminder from the administrative office that his college fees were due in a week. He hadn’t forgotten about that, of course, but getting a notification about it made it hit harder and he realised that he still hadn’t found a way to settle the problem. He could try to convince his father, but he was almost completely sure nothing could his father’s mind at the moment. He’d likely have to settle this month’s by himself.</p><p>Lying on his bed with his guitar beside him, Kenma stretched his hand out, reaching for the ceiling as if trying to grasp something he couldn’t get. Then he pulled his hand back, dropping it to his side. Kuroo had indeed offered to help, but Kenma had specifically told him not to pay for his fees out of his pocket. There was nothing about that that Kenma regretted.</p><p>He reached for his guitar, but he didn’t feel like he was in the mood to play it anymore for the day. He’d played a few songs earlier that Kuroo had requested to record on video and it’d ended up dragging to a few hours. Of course, Kenma didn’t mind, just that he was a little tired now. Maybe he should turn in for the night.</p><p><i>One more week to the finals,</i> he told himself as he got off his bed to go brush his teeth. After that week, his life would be different, no matter what the results were. Even if he came in last, he’d be fifth overall, which was a pretty huge achievement for him already. In fact, he might be the only singer amongst the finalists and that would be saying something in itself. Still, he couldn’t get ahead of himself just yet.</p><p>He cupped some tap water in his hand and splashed it at his face, feeling a cold sensation travel through his body. One more week as Kozume Kenma, the nameless singer at the bar. And after that, he’d be something more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. talking to the moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The atmosphere of the finals was strikingly different from the rounds before. It wasn’t just tense and nerve-wracking, but there was an increased competitive aura around. Perhaps it was because the competition was no longer about getting to the next round, but securing a high position in the finals. The <i>finals</i>. That in itself made it different.</p><p>Kenma pulled the straps of his guitar case tighter over his shoulders. In the backstage corridor, everyone looked professional. And by that, Kenma meant that they were in suits or dresses and whatever else was deemed as proper performance attire --- certainly not an oversized hoodie and jeans.</p><p>Walking awkwardly past the others in the corridor, Kenma gently turned the doorknob and pushed open the door to his personal waiting room. It wasn’t personal in the sense that it was personalised --- because it wasn’t --- but it was empty and left for him and him alone. Well, and whoever was accompanying him, of course. He placed his guitar on the long table in front of a mirror, likely meant for contestants to sit and put on make-up. Kenma certainly wasn’t going to do that.</p><p>He’d never been to somewhere like this before and though the waiting room was no larger than his dormitory room, it still left him in awe. He trailed his fingers over the top of the counter that had several empty drawers below. It looked well-maintained as if the organisers had purposefully tidied up the whole area for the contestants. Even the mirror seemed to form a clear reflection of him, with no dirty fingerprints blurring it. There wasn’t much in the room, though. Just a few pieces of furniture and a clothes stand. Given that there were multiple swivel chairs lined along the mirrors, Kenma guessed that it was normally used for small group items. It was probably one of the more basic rooms, not meant for huge stars.</p><p>The walls were painted in a light shade of grey, with a simple floral pattern printed near the top. The whole room had a monochromatic colour scheme, edging close to a bluish-grey that the furniture adopted. Overall, it had a mildly aesthetic interior design, while remaining simple at that.</p><p>Still in his hoodie, Kenma took a seat by the mirrors and opened his guitar case. He hadn’t gotten much time to rehearse his new song, since he’d only finalised the lyrics and chords a day ago. Thankfully, the organisers had allowed for last-minute song submissions. He hadn’t actually let anyone hear the song yet, especially since he’d told Kuroo it’d be a surprise. As such, he was a little nervous about how this performance would go. It was the <i>finals</i>, not just the qualifiers or the semi-finals anymore.</p><p>He gently plucked one of the strings on his guitar, with his other hand supporting his chin as he tilted his head and stared at the mirror. He’d heard from his friends in the audience that it was even more crowded than the previous time, which did make it seem daunting. But surprisingly enough, he didn’t feel as anxious as he had before the semi-finals. Maybe it was because he was getting used to it. His finger hovered over the string and he sighed, retracting his hand and sitting upright.</p><p>He looked up at the small television at the corner of the room, which showed the live footage of what was happening on the stage. There were currently only the emcees on stage, but looking at their formal outfits made Kenma feel underprepared again. He hadn’t chosen to perform in his casual attire without reason, though. In fact, he’d only chosen the hoodie because it was Kuroo’s and it made Kenma feel like he wasn’t alone, and the jeans just happened to match well with it. On the way backstage, he’d even almost been turned away by the security guards who’d thought he was trespassing. It was only when he’d showed them the email his identity card that they finally believed him and let him pass through.</p><p>The door clicked open, interrupting his thoughts. “Kenma,” he heard Kuroo say, and Kenma turned around on his chair to face him. Kuroo walked over with a paper cup of presumably hot chocolate, which Kenma had been craving earlier when he’d started shivering from the air-conditioning. He passed the cup to Kenma, who held it lightly while trying not to drop it from the heat. “What’s the performance order?” Kuroo asked, taking a seat on the chair beside Kenma and spinning the seat around to face him.</p><p>“If I’m not wrong, I’m the third one to go,” Kenma said, recalling the schedule he’d seen at the backstage entrance. “But it’s only the opening now, so there’s still time for me to prepare.” Speaking of which, he remembered that he’d yet to set up his instrument and so he took his guitar and started tuning it.</p><p>Kuroo watched in silence as he prepared, also taking an occasional glance around the room. “You sure you don’t wanna sing it with an audience before the actual performance?” Kuroo asked, and Kenma nodded. He’d said he’d keep it a surprise, so he really would. With a small shrug and a smile of anticipation, Kuroo turned to face the mirrors, staring at his image reflected right back at him. “Are you gonna put on make-up?” he asked, his gaze travelling down the mirror to Kenma’s empty guitar case.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Kenma said simply. “It’s not like there’s much for me to put and honestly, I think I’ll do just fine without it.” He finished tuning his last string before leaning back against the backrest of his chair and staring up at the ceiling. “Have you,” he asked in a tentative voice, “seen the other contestants?”</p><p>Kuroo looked at him curiously. “I saw a few on the way here. Have you?”</p><p>“...Yeah.”</p><p>Seemingly having noticed that Kenma’s voice had dipped and he sounded a little defeated, Kuroo reached out to hold Kenma’s hand. “Are you nervous?” he asked, and Kenma looked at him in the eye for a split second before averting his gaze.</p><p>“Maybe a little.” It wasn’t as bad as he’d been for the previous rounds, he was getting increasingly nervous at the thought of performing for a large audience <i>while</i> looking and being rather unprepared. “I’ll be fine, though. It’s not like I haven’t done this before.” He let out a quiet exhale and strummed his guitar, practising a few key chords he’d need during his performance.</p><p>Just as the semi-finals had been, the finals would be streamed on the local television. And given that it was the last round where the official results would be announced on the spot, it had gathered a large hype and there were expected to be at least double the number of viewers as compared to the semi-finals.</p><p>“Don’t worry too much about the audience,” Kuroo assured Kenma, smiling warmly at him. Kenma smiled back, then looked down at his guitar without another word.</p><p>One of the emcee’s loud voices came from the television and announced the beginning of the first performance. Kenma’s eyes were glued on the screen as he tried to calculate his chances of winning, only for Kuroo to cover his eyes from behind. Kenma had no idea when Kuroo had gotten off his chair. “Kuro, what are you doing?” he asked, trying to move Kuroo’s hands away from his eyes.</p><p>“Don’t watch the performances now,” Kuroo said softly, still blocking Kenma’s view. “You’ll only make yourself more stressed.”</p><p>“But I wanna see how good they are and if I stand a chance at this,” the singer protested. He tilted his head up to look at Kuroo standing over him and pouted. “And it’s not like I have anything else to do.”</p><p>“From what I can tell, it’ll influence your confidence,” Kuroo said firmly. “I’ll let you watch them online once you’re done, okay?” Kenma relented and Kuroo leaned down to press a light kiss on Kenma’s lips. “You definitely stand a chance,” he said quietly. Kenma smiled.</p><p>He turned his chair around to face Kuroo. “Then what do I do now? There’s still time before my performance and I’m bored.”</p><p>“You’re done preparing?”</p><p>Kenma nodded. “I’m pretty much ready to go on stage. Physically, at least.” He wouldn’t know if he was mentally prepared until it got closer to his performance.</p><p>Taking a seat on his chair, Kuroo looked at Kenma. “What do you want to do, then? If you’re hungry I could get you some food, or if you want to watch videos online I could---”</p><p>“No,” Kenma interrupted. He got off his chair and sat on Kuroo’s lap, straddling him. “I want you to entertain me.”</p><p>Kuroo’s face immediately turned red but the colour soon faded and was replaced by a small smirk. “Gladly.”</p><p>He pressed his lips to Kenma’s and Kenma kissed him back, his arms around Kuroo’s neck. It started out in a tentative kiss, but it slowly deepened and for a brief moment, Kenma had to urge to just abandon the finals and everything and just go back to the dormitory room where they could be together without anything to worry about. But even in the room, it wouldn’t change anything above the surface. He held onto Kuroo tightly, as if worried he’d lose him if he didn’t keep him close enough.</p><p>“Kuro,” he said quietly as he broke the kiss gently, “what if I mess up?”</p><p>Kenma could feel Kuroo’s finger tangled in his hair. “Mess up? The competition, you mean?”</p><p>“Just...<i>everything</i>.”</p><p>Kuroo removed one of Kenma’s arms from around him and searched for his hand and when he’d found it, he slipped the fingers of his other hand through the gaps between Kenma’s. “If you mess up,” he said, “I’ll help you fix what’s messed up.”</p><p>Kenma leaned his forehead against Kuroo’s. “You won’t leave me?” he asked in a nearly inaudible breath.</p><p>“Kenma,” Kuroo said, a stern emphasis on the singer’s name, “whether you mess up or not, I’m not going to leave you.” His fingers loosened from Kenma’s hand and travelled to his lower back, pulling him closer. “I promise.”</p><p>For Kenma, that was enough.</p><p>###</p><p>“Kozume Kenma?”</p><p>There was a knock on the door and a member of the stage crew opened the door, looking into the room. Several minutes ago, Kenma had started preparing for his performance by warming up his fingers and strumming a few key chords. Kuroo had meanwhile been watching him, and walking out of the room every few minutes to check if Kenma was up next. Apparently, the second performance had taken a great deal of time, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. The good part, being that Kenma had more time to prepare, and the bad part, being that he was anxious for a little longer. Kuroo wasn’t sure which was the better one, but reality wasn’t giving them much of a choice anyway.</p><p>“You’re up next,” the stage crew member said to Kenma, looking at a clipboard in his hand and tapping his pen against its surface. “Be at the stage entrance in five minutes.” The man threw a curious glance at Kuroo, who smiled in a friendly way that hid an unsaid message. With a sigh, the man continued, “Yes, you can come along if you want to.” He left without another word, shutting the door behind him.</p><p>Kenma was rubbing his palms together nervously as he stopped strumming his guitar and began staring at the floor. “You okay?” Kuroo asked, walking over tentatively.</p><p>Kenma’s body stiffened for a moment, then relaxed as he let out a quiet exhale. “Yeah, just nervous again.” He stood up, wiping all traces of fear off his face and replacing them with an assuring smile. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”</p><p>As much as the singer’s expression didn’t entirely match up with his words, Kuroo knew him well enough to tell that he’d really be alright. “All the best,” he said, giving Kenma a quick hug before they walked out of the room. He could see Kenma’s face noticeably more pale than usual, perhaps a minor case of stage fright or nerves. One of the contestants passed by them with a satisfied look on his face. Kuroo guessed he’d just finished his performance, and that meant that Kenma didn’t have any more time left before he’d have to get on stage. “I’ll be supporting you from backstage,” he added quietly.</p><p>Kenma smiled and pressed a surprising kiss to Kuroo’s cheek, then hurried to the stage entrance, where he was immediately approached by the stage crew. Kuroo knew he probably wouldn’t get to talk to Kenma again until the performance was over, so he waved at Kenma one last time and the singer waved back before disappearing into a dark area of low visibility.</p><p>There was a short intermission before Kenma’s performance, though it seemed to be nearly over by the time Kenma reported at the stage entrance. Kuroo wasn’t sure what happened after that, but he did follow a distance behind Kenma out of curiosity. Once couldn’t blame him --- he’d never been backstage during a talent competition’s finals before. All he saw was Kenma being given instructions and then ushered past the curtains onto the stage.</p><p>After weeks of hard work, it was finally the moment that they’d been waiting for. Applause erupted throughout the auditorium as Kenma walked on stage. Kuroo’s eyes followed him, a small smile on his face.</p><p>He hadn’t heard Kenma’s performance piece before, since the singer had been unwilling to share it and had claimed it to be a ‘surprise’. Time felt like it was passing at an unrealistically leisure rate as Kenma answered a few of the judges’ questions and introduced himself.</p><p>Kuroo took in a deep breath. He wasn’t the one on stage, but he felt nervous on Kenma’s behalf. Or maybe, not on his behalf but together with him. Kenma’s fingers were noticeably shaking and all of a sudden, he turned to glance backstage, his eyes locking with Kuroo’s for a split second. Kuroo made small finger hearts at him.</p><p>With a faint but nevertheless visible smile, Kenma turned back to the audience. Three seconds later, he strummed a chord and the auditorium was filled with the sound. It was just like the other times Kuroo had heard Kenma play, but in this situation, at this time, it felt like a whole lot more.</p><p>Just one verse into the song, the whole audience seemed entranced by Kenma’s voice. Kuroo couldn’t help but smile, pleased that the audience was enjoying it and proud of Kenma. The lyrics and the melody were foreign, though that wasn’t surprising knowing that he hadn’t heard them before. Still, the words had a hidden feeling of familiarity that was starting to rise in him as the song continued. They seemed to be narrating a story, and as metaphorical and contextless as they were, there was something special about them.</p><p>Somehow, Kuroo found that the words hit close to his heart.</p><p>Maybe it was because it wasn’t just ‘a story’, but <i>their</i> story. From the moment they’d met at the bar, what they’d been through together...all the way up till <i>now</i>, as Kenma was singing on stage for the finals. Every moment, the small feelings Kuroo didn’t realise Kenma had felt, were all documented subtly between the lyrics. But it was their story, a secret not meant for the world, and so Kenma kept it that way. Had anyone else been the one listening to the song --- all the audience and even their friends --- it would have just been any other love song.</p><p>Kenma’s voice faded off after a few minutes, but that few minutes had felt like an extended eternity to Kuroo. As cliche as it sounded in his head, he’d say that time seemed to stop, or at the very least, slow down. Up until it ended, and beyond that, it didn’t feel like <i>the end</i>. It was a feeling Kuroo didn’t know how to put into words. All he could say was that as silence took over the auditorium followed by a loud applause, it felt like the end of something, <i>but</i> also the beginning of something else.</p><p>Kuroo clapped along with the audience and as if on cue, Kenma turned to look at him with an expectant smile, as if asking what he thought. Kuroo smiled too. The panel of judges called for Kenma’s attention as they gave their reviews. They appeared to be pleasantly surprised by the song, especially the lyrics that seemed to be harbouring some meaning that wasn’t meant for the world to hear. Kenma only nodded, in both acknowledgement and agreement. One of the judges added that he’d improved a lot from the first time he’d sang for the competition, mostly because he’d become more confident. Once they were done with their remarks and feedback, Kenma thanked them with a small smile and hurried off stage to where Kuroo was.</p><p>###</p><p>Kenma was met with a tight embrace before he could even ask Kuroo how his performance was. Well, from the reactions he’d gotten from both the audience and the judges, there wasn’t much to ask anyway, though what Kuroo thought meant more to him than anyone else.</p><p>“I love you,” he heard Kuroo mumble.</p><p>Kenma lifted the arm that wasn’t holding his guitar to Kuroo’s back and hugged him tighter. It didn’t bother him that they were still at the stage entrance, and that if the audience looked hard enough, they’d be able to see the two of them. Neither did it bother him that the stage crew was walking by, looking at them for brief moments before raising an eye and passing them. “I love you too,” he said quietly. Those words had never felt so easy off his lips.</p><p>After around half a minute, Kuroo pulled away and tugged Kenma aside to let the next finalist walk onto the stage. “C’mon, let’s go back to the waiting room,” Kuroo said, his grip on Kenma’s forearm slipping down to his hand as he started walking. Kenma quickened his footsteps to catch up, then matched Kuroo pace whilst swaying their hands minimally between them.</p><p>The room was neat as it was when they’d left. Kenma’s guitar case remained closed but unzipped on the top of the counter and the singer walked over to it, lifting his guitar with one hand and using the other to flip open the cover of his case. His heart was beating rapidly, an aftereffect of the previously unimaginable phenomenon of him performing on stage. As much as he’d expected that many audience members, the difference between singing at the bar and the auditorium was something he couldn’t seem to find the words to describe. Most of all, there was but one thought that wouldn’t leave his head.</p><p>He’d finally made it.</p><p>No matter what he did now, he could no longer return to what he was before. No, not that he couldn’t perform at the bar, because he was more than willing to return there. But wherever he performed, he wouldn’t be the nameless singer anymore. ‘Kozume Kenma’ was a name that at least one person in the audience would be able to match to his face. That thought in itself daunted Kenma, to the slightest bit at minimum.</p><p>“So how does it feel?” Kuroo asked, sitting on one of the chairs beside Kenma.</p><p>The singer took a while to ponder the question. There was a wave of emotions cluttering his mind and to pick just <i>one</i> didn’t seem right. “...Good,” he finally said, settling with the simplest answer because that word in itself encompassed everything else he wanted to say. As if feeling the need to say a bit more, he added, “A little surreal as well.”</p><p>Kuroo smiled. “Honestly, when you look back, things have changed <i>a lot</i> for you.” Resting his chin on his palm and using the counter to support his arm, Kuroo continued, “So I’m not surprised you’d find it hard to answer that question.”</p><p>The singer finished keeping his instrument and closed its case, sitting on the chair beside Kuroo’s. “I guess you’re right about that,” he said with the smallest hint of a smile on his face. He played with his fingers for a while and the expressions on his face slowly turned serious. “Kuro,” he said quietly, “I can’t thank you enough for this.”</p><p>There was silence as Kuroo lifted his gaze from the floor to meet Kenma’s eyes. “You’ve said that before,” he said in a relaxed voice, “but it was <i>your</i> work more than mine. You’re the amazing singer. All I did was help you realise that.”</p><p>Kenma smiled again.</p><p>Then as if he’d suddenly remembered something, Kuroo’s eyes lit up. “By the way,” he said, “about your school fees---”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Kenma cut in quickly, “don’t worry about that.” He didn’t want to think of that now, not after he’d just had a feeling of euphoria after his performance. “I’ll probably ask the admin office for an extension of the payment deadline...I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” With a small smirk, he added, “Who knows? Maybe I’d win the finals and get the prize money.” He wasn’t sure he believed that, but there was always no harm in hoping for a miracle.</p><p>Kuroo seemed as if he still had something to say. He opened his mouth enough to speak, “Kenma---”</p><p>A knock on the door interrupted him and both of them turned their heads to look at who was at the now opened door. “Sorry,” the person, a member of the stage crew whom they hadn’t seen before, said, “I’m looking for Kozume Kenma?”</p><p>“That’s me,” Kenma replied, getting off his chair and shooting Kuroo a confused look. Kuroo shrugged but didn’t respond. The singer walked to the door. “Is something the matter?”</p><p>The man gestured towards the backstage entrance with his thumb. “There’s someone waiting for you at the entrance,” he explained.</p><p><i>Shouyou and Bokuto?</i> Kenma guessed, looking at Kuroo who seemed to think the same. The second year stood up, clearing planning to accompany Kenma to meet the people waiting outside. “Alright. We’ll be---”</p><p>The man shook his head, looking at Kenma. “He says that he wants to see you alone.”</p><p>Kenma went silent.</p><p>“Maybe it’s someone from a record label,” Kuroo whispered to Kenma, whose eyes widened.</p><p>“I doubt so,” the member of the stage crew said, having heard Kuroo’s words. “I’m not sure I recognise him.”</p><p>Kenma frowned and threw one last uncertain look at Kuroo. “I’ll be back soon,” he mumbled, then politely thanked the man and walked out of the room. He wasn’t exactly sure who would be looking for him, though a small part of his mind was still wondering if Kuroo had been right. Maybe someone had been scouting for new singers during the show, which really wouldn’t be something surprising since companies tended to do that pretty often.</p><p>He took a turn down the hallway and a small figure appeared into view at the backstage entrance. Somehow, the person looked familiar, but from afar, Kenma couldn’t tell much. The person was dressed in formal work attire, but didn’t seem like he was there to recruit Kenma for anything.</p><p>It was only when Kenma got close enough to see the person’s face that he recognised him instantly. What was <i>he</i> doing here? Kenma’s heartbeat began to quicken. He didn’t want his mood ruined after his performance, but he knew that it was only a matter of time before this happened. Perhaps it was better to get it over with quickly.</p><p>He took a deep breath and halted his footsteps in front of the person, looking at him in the eye as much as his body was shaking slightly. “Kenma,” the man said, a stern greeting that only made Kenma more anxious. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, but after what had happened, it was hard not to.</p><p>Kenma’s lower lip quivered as he spoke.</p><p>“...Otou-san.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'll post the last chapter in a few hours after editing it a bit UwU</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. if we have each other</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“...Otou-san.”</p><p>Kenma’s voice faded into the silence. There was no reason for him to be ashamed, or anything that would render him unable to face his father, but after what had happened that had nearly taken him out of the finals, it was hard not to have mixed feelings. Still, Kenma did wonder why his father had come. To chide him? Or to tell him how disappointed he was? The singer bit his lip. No, he knew his father only had the best intentions for him.</p><p>“Kenma,” his father said, the strict look on his face having vanished mildly, “I watched your performance.”</p><p>Looking away, Kenma gulped. He knew his singing wasn’t flawless, but he didn’t need to be told that out loud. His fingers clutched onto the hem of his hoodie, which was actually <i>Kuroo’s</i> hoodie, and tugged lightly at it. He couldn’t help but want the floor to open in a hole and envelop him into the darkness.</p><p>“I thought I told you that if you went on to the finals, I wasn’t going to pay for your college fees.”</p><p>In a shaky voice, Kenma answered, “You did.” Then he looked up, no longer averting his eyes from his father. It was only a matter of time before he’d have to face the reality he’d been trapped in for the whole of his life. Better now than later. “But,” he added, his words wavering as if he wasn’t sure he should be letting them out, “I decided to perform anyway.”</p><p>His father’s gaze was stone-hard. “Why?”</p><p><i>Why?</i> Kenma had wondered about that too, and he couldn’t deny that he’d nearly given up. But <i>why</i> had he continued? Why was he still standing at the backstage entrance having this conversation with his father? Sometimes Kenma questioned himself, if he really knew the answer to that. If he’d been in this situation months ago, before he’d met Kuroo and before his life had taken a turn, he’d probably have stumbled for a response. But Kozume Kenma wasn’t the same anymore. </p><p>“Because,” Kenma said, his voice becoming steadier than he’d imagined in his head, “I know what I want to do.”</p><p>“You know I’m not pleased with you participating, don’t you?”</p><p>Kenma paused for a moment, then nodded. It was the truth, after all. Anyone in his place would be able to tell that his father was upset. He remained silent, not wanting to further worsen his father’s mood.</p><p>“And even after that, you’re not worried about your school fees?” his father inquired.</p><p>Kenma took in a sharp breath. <i>Of course</i> he was worried, but since when did worrying help him? “I am,” he said firmly, “but if that’s enough to stop me from singing, then maybe you were right about me not having my priorities straight.” He clenched his teeth, not in anger but to give himself the courage to continue. “Otou-san,” he said, his words audible and clear, “I’m not running away anymore.”</p><p>Perhaps his father wouldn’t understand what he meant by that, but it was more of a promise to himself than to anyone else. His mind may have previously been in a flurry, not knowing what he should do. Yet, as time passed, it’d started to clear up. Kenma was starting to understand why he’d come this far and why despite everything, he was still <i>here</i>. He wasn’t going to give up again, whether the world liked it or not.</p><p>There was a tense moment of silence, and extended pause that made Kenma look away in fear of something going wrong. He didn’t know where he’d gotten the courage to proclaim what he’d said, but it was too late to take anything back. Not that he was ever planning to.</p><p>Then all of a sudden, the atmosphere seemed to relax a little. Kenma eyes hesitantly from the ground and he found that smallest trace of a smile on his father’s face. “I’m not upset,” Kenma’s father finally said, and Kenma inwardly heaved a sigh of relief. “Kenma,” his father continued, “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>For a split second, Kenma’s mind went blank. His father wasn’t mad, he realised. And what shocked him more was that his father was <i>smiling</i>. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d seen his father smile. Never would he have imagined this happening. “...What did you think about it?” Kenma found enough of his voice to ask. “My performance, I mean.”</p><p>“It was good,” his father replied. Coming from Kenma’s father, the word ‘good’ meant a lot more than it normally would. It wasn’t easy to get him to say something like that, especially when it was Kenma doing something he didn’t support. But maybe, that was soon to change.</p><p>Kenma blinked. “You’re not...upset?”</p><p>“I’m a bit uncertain,” his father started, shaking his head slowly, “<i>but</i> if that’s what you want for your future and if you’re sure of it, then I’m not stopping you. You’re already an adult, I think it’s time I let you make your own choices.”</p><p>The singer looked up at his father, his eyes wide open in disbelief. “Does that mean...?”</p><p>His father sighed. “If you really want to change your college course, I’ll continue to support you.” While he didn’t seem like he was very keen on that, he didn’t seem strongly against it anymore.</p><p>With his eyes nearly tearing up, Kenma smiled. He took a step forward and hugged his father. “Thank you, Otou-san,” he said, closing his eyes and finally able to breathe without his mind cluttered with worries.</p><p>Without a word, his father gently ruffled his hair with a satisfied smile on his face. Kenma should have known earlier, but as hard-hearted as his father did seem, he wasn’t a heartless person. In the end, he was still Kenma’s father and he still loved him.</p><p>After a few seconds, Kenma released him. “Then...about this month’s fees...” he started, realising he still hadn’t found a way to earn enough money. It didn’t feel safe to be placing all his hopes in winning the finals.</p><p>There was an unusual silence before his father spoke again. “...Haven’t you paid already?”</p><p>Kenma stared at him blankly. “I...haven’t.”</p><p>His father threw him a confused look. “Are you sure you haven’t forgotten?”</p><p>The first year was sure of it, so he shook his head. If his father was asking him about it, then there was only one possibility left --- someone else had paid for him.</p><p>“I called the administrative office earlier,” his father said, “but they told me that you’d already paid for your fees.”</p><p><i>But I haven’t,</i> Kenma thought. His eyes lit up in surprise as he realised what could possibly have happened. “I’ve gotta go,” he told his father quickly. “I need to talk to someone.”</p><p>His father gave him a knowing smile and from how he’d looked at Kenma in the oversized hoodie, Kenma was certain he could tell what was going on. “Go ahead,” his father said, “I’ll see you the next time you visit.”</p><p>Kenma smiled. “I will.” Then he turned and ran back to his waiting room.</p><p>###</p><p>The door burst open and Kuroo turned his head in surprise. “...Kenma,” he said when he saw his boyfriend at the door. “So who was it?”</p><p>“Did you...pay for my college fees?” the singer asked, completely bypassing Kuroo’s question.</p><p>Kuroo didn’t know how to answer that. “Yes...and no.” Seeing the offended look on Kenma’s face, and remembering that he’d promised not to do that, Kuroo waved his hands in front of him defensively. “It’s not what you think,” he said quickly. “It wasn’t just me and...I’d say that you <i>earned</i> it.”</p><p>The mildly upset look on Kenma’s face was replaced by one of perplexity. “I <i>earned</i> it?” He walked into the room, shutting the door behind him, and took a seat in the chair beside Kuroo’s. “What do you mean? I don’t remember doing anything...”</p><p>Shaking his head slowly, Kuroo replied, “Of course you wouldn’t know...because I never told you.”</p><p>Kenma frowned, staring suspiciously at Kuroo. “What do you mean by that?”</p><p>Kuroo felt like he was walking in a field of landmines with his words. But he hadn’t hidden the truth from Kenma without reason. “Remember that day I took a recording of you performing in my dorm?”</p><p>With a thoughtful look, Kenma nodded. “The day that it rained, was it?”</p><p>“Yeah, that day.”</p><p>When Kuroo didn’t continue, Kenma asked, “What about it?”</p><p>The second year sighed and shifted to one side of his chair, inviting Kenma to sit beside him. The singer did. It wasn’t a huge chair but with a slight overlap, they were able to fit on it. Kuroo put an arm around Kenma, taking out his phone with the other hand and logging onto a webpage. Kenma leaned closer to have a better look of the screen. “That recording...wasn’t just for me,” Kuroo said as he navigated the webpage before landing on a video and playing it.</p><p>The singer looked from Kuroo, to the screen, then back at Kuroo again. “You mean...?”</p><p>“I posted it online, gathering funds from the public. It’s kind of like you performing at the bar, but online instead.” Kuroo looked at Kenma tentatively. “You don’t mind...do you? I’m sorry I probably should have asked---”</p><p>Kenma leaned forward and kissed him, cutting him off. “Thank you,” he said quietly, a clear smile on his face. He tilted his body to hug Kuroo, chin resting on the second year’s shoulder. Kuroo felt a warm feeling through his body as he felt Kenma’s hair brushing lightly against his neck. “I’m so glad that I have you.”</p><p>Both pleased and relieved that Kenma wasn’t upset, Kuroo smiled, gently threading his fingers through Kenma’s hair and pulling him closer. “But I’m not the only one you should thank...I couldn’t have gotten the video that much publicity without the help of some other people.” When Kenma looked at him curiously, Kuroo continued, “Shouyou, Bokuto, the group your roommate hangs out with, and the group at the dorm party --- all of them helped to spread the video.”</p><p>“Then I’ll be sure to thank them later,” Kenma said, just as the door opened. Both of them awkwardly got off the chair at the same time to look at who had arrived.</p><p>It turned out to be another member of the stage crew who’d come to deliver a message. The middle-aged man conveniently ignored what he’d seen and followed with a monotonous voice. “Results are about to be announced, all participants are to return to the stage.” After the simple instruction, the person left, mumbling something along the lines of ‘youngsters these days’. The two left in the room looked at each other and laughed quietly.</p><p>“I guess I’ve gotta go then,” Kenma said after a few seconds, glancing at the minimally opened door. He took a few steps towards the door, then stopped. “See you in a while,” he said, his head facing back enough to look at Kuroo.</p><p>The second year smiled. “Go on, I’ll be waiting for you backstage.” He watched as Kenma smiled back and hurried out of the door.</p><p>By the time Kuroo neared the stage entrance, all five finalists were already lined up on stage. Kenma was in the centre, since he was the third out of five contestants. As the emcees walked onto the stage to begin the announcement of the results, Kuroo felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned around, only to see the woman he’d met during the semi-finals --- the manager at a record label.</p><p>“Nice to meet you again,” she said politely, then directed her eyes at the stage. “So...he made it to the finals.” She had an impressed smile on her face.</p><p>As Kuroo nodded in agreement, he couldn’t help but feel proud of Kenma. “Yeah,” he said, “he did.”</p><p>Kuroo watched as the woman took out a simple-looking name card from her purse and passed it to him. “Pass this to your boyfriend,” she said, “and tell him to call me if he’s interested in signing on with us.”</p><p>Taking the card with a grateful smile, Kuroo thanked her. “I’m sure he’ll be glad to know about this,” he said. “Thanks for giving him a chance.”</p><p>The woman smiled. “He earned it.” Without another word, she turned and walked away.</p><p>Kuroo slotted the card into his pocket, making a mental note to pass it to Kenma. Returning his attention to the stage, he found that the results were about to be announced. Even though he wasn’t the one on stage, he could feel himself getting nervous. He took a deep breath, watching as the emcee’s opened the envelope in his hand, the one containing the winner’s name.</p><p> </p><p>###</p><p> </p><p>Even after the crowds dispersed in the auditorium, signalling the end of the competition, Kenma didn’t want to leave the venue yet. Not when he was back in the waiting room with Kuroo --- just the two of them, alone. Victory didn’t feel like the most important thing to him anymore, and perhaps it’d stopped being that way a long time ago. Having Kuroo by his side, something he hadn’t had months ago, was better to him than any prize he could have gotten.</p><p>Kenma lifted his lips off Kuroo’s, barely enough to catch his breath, with his arms locked around the second year’s neck as they stood in the centre of the room while the world disappeared around them once again. They’d locked the door this time, so nobody would interrupt them anymore as long as they cleared the place within half an hour, and Kenma decided that that was enough --- better than nothing, at least.</p><p>His fingers dug into Kuroo’s back muscles as he pulled him in for another kiss, pressing their lips softly but firmly together. Kuroo didn’t resist at all. With his arms wrapped around Kenma’s waist, he kissed the smaller male back, slowly yet passionate at the same time, only breaking the kiss for a moment to mumble a quiet ‘I love you’.</p><p>With a soft laugh, Kenma tilted his chin up to steal another quick kiss, his fingers entangled in the mess of Kuroo’s hair. “I love you too.” His face was completely heated and he wasn’t sure why anymore. It didn’t matter though, because nobody was watching them anymore. Even as their lips parted minutes later, they remained standing where they were.</p><p>Not saying a word.</p><p>Not needing to.</p><p>At the side of the room, faint glows of light reflected off the surface of a silver trophy on the counter. Beside it, the singer’s guitar case remained closed. Closed, like a chapter of his life, but waiting to be opened for the next.</p><p>Months ago, Kenma had almost given up. But now, he couldn’t see that happening anymore. Not now, not ever. With so many people supporting him, he wasn’t going to let them down. Most of all, he wasn’t going to let <i>himself</i> down.</p><p>He wasn’t afraid anymore --- not of the past, the present, <i>or</i> the future. What was there to fear, anyway? They’d always be ups and downs, but if there was one thing he’d discovered, it was that he wouldn’t be alone on that roller coaster of his life. And Kenma knew that something as simple as two lone voices in the fugue of the universe could come together to form a breathtaking melody, because even the darkest night could never drown out the music in his heart.</p><p> </p><p>.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p> </p><p>
  <tt>two hours before Kenma met Kuroo</tt>
</p><p> </p><p>“Kenma.”</p><p>The singer turned around at his roommate’s voice, putting on a half-hearted smile immediately. “Is something the matter?”</p><p>Shouyou seemed to hesitate with his words as he walked into the dormitory room. “...Are you okay?” It was the most innocent question, but at the same time, the one that hurt the most.</p><p>With a falsely assuring smile, Kenma looked at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” It didn’t sound like his voice. It didn’t sound like him anymore. Because <i>no</i>, maybe he wasn’t ‘okay’. “Don’t worry about me,” he continued, doing his best to stop his voice from faltering in its uncertainty. “Your friends are probably waiting for you, you should head over before you’re late.” The moment he’d finished speaking, Kenma closed his school bag and put it aside, everything intact save for a few pieces of paper stapled together.</p><p>“But---”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Kenma said, a little louder. He hadn’t intended to be rude or anything, but he didn’t exactly want to think about it anymore. It, being the test paper now in his hand, edges crumpled by his firm grip. “<i>Please</i>, don’t worry about me.”</p><p>His roommate gave him one more uneasy look, then with a quiet sigh, he left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Kenma alone in the room.</p><p>As soon as Shouyou left, Kenma tightened his grip on the paper and then took a deep breath to calm himself down, relaxing his fingers. It wasn’t like this was some unfair result --- he’d been spending too much time writing songs and hadn’t revised much for the test. Plus the test wouldn’t be counted in his final grade anyway. But as much as he tried to convince himself it would be alright, he couldn’t believe his words. He put the paper aside on the top of his bedside table, opening the drawer below to take out a small newspaper cut out complete with job listings.</p><p>Kenma let out a frustrated groan, flopping onto his back in bed and staring at the ceiling fan rotating as if it were trying to hypnotise him. <i>Go ahead,</i> he thought. <i>Make me forget.</i> He closed his eyes.</p><p>He could already hear his father’s angry voice, chiding him for not putting enough effort in his studies and for wasting his time away with his music. It wasn’t like his father hadn’t done that before. Every few weeks Kenma would return home from the dorms, and every few weeks his father would take a look at his badly done test papers and look at Kenma with a disappointed and upset expression. Time and again, the singer had been told to give up, to stop with all of this so-called waste of time and focus on his studies.</p><p>In a movement so quick that it landed him a brief headache, Kenma sat upright. He gently rubbed his thumb against his temples and sighed. He still had a few minutes before he’d have to start heading to the bar, but he wasn’t really in the mood to stay in his room with the godforsaken test paper anyway.</p><p>He quickly changed into a short-sleeved hoodie shirt and jeans before slinging his guitar case over his shoulders, walking out of the room with his phone and wallet in hand. He brushed past his neighbours who were having a mild argument outside in the hallway and since he didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator, Kenma decided to go down the stairs instead. He hardly felt any energy to move, but as if he were a robot, his body kept him walking towards the bar.</p><p>It’d become a routine by then, since singing at the bar was pretty much his job. But he didn’t mind that one bit --- it was nice to have that kind of consistency, when it was something he enjoyed. Part of him wished he’d be able to do this for a little longer, but with so many better-paying jobs in the paper, he wasn’t sure about that.</p><p><i>Ten minutes ahead of schedule,</i> he deduced with a glance at his watch. He wasn’t really prepared to enter the bar so early and as much as he could, he was going to avoid any conversations that day. He took a turn into a convenience store, heading to the fridge where he picked out a bottle of water. Just plain water, because he was trying to save up on his money anyway.</p><p>He placed a few coins on the tray on the counter, remaining completely silent as the cashier took his money without a word and returned a few coins as change. Kenma thanked her quietly and walked out of the store.</p><p>A few steps out, Kenma opened the bottle and took a few sips of water, which ended up being the whole bottle. He wasn’t particularly thirsty, but perhaps it was just a distraction for himself. He tossed the empty bottle into the recycling bin and continued walking to the bar, slowing his footsteps slightly so he’d be just in time.</p><p>The concrete felt familiar under his feet, but for how long more it’d be that way, he didn’t know. He could practically walk there without looking up, just staring at the ground and following the route he’d memorised in his head. Kenma finally reached the bar after a few more minutes and gently pushed the door open.</p><p>Maybe for the last time.</p><p>Who knew.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- fin -</b>
  </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ack sorry if this chapter is shorter than usual + the long wait from chapter 7 heh</p><p>i hope you enjoyed this fic &lt;3 and thanks for sticking w me UwU</p><p>if you have the time, do comment your thoughts below to let me know what you think hehe :D</p><p>have a great day!! ❤❤❤</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!! &lt;3 hope you enjoyed it UwU feel free to comment your thoughts below hehe :D</p><p>// i'm sorry if it seems cliche D: i'm trying my best UwU</p><p>my tumblr --&gt; (<a href="https://hq-iteza.tumblr.com/">x</a>)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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